My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

My late teen DS grew considerably from 14 to now where he is 6ft and DH is 5ft 8 and I'm 5ft 6. However, my Dad side is Scandinavian and tall my Mum's side is very small so she having shrunk in older age is about 5ft so although 5ft 6 isn't that tall for a woman I appear to be in the middle. I think my DS has inherited the tallness from that side of the family. Do you and your DH have taller family where it may miss a generation?

OP that’s not especially short, and he has an awful lot of growing yet to do. My DS is the same age and has grown 4 inches since Christmas. How big are his feet? I find they grow first.

I think pp are asking about his height because that will inform how to best deal with it.

If he is a bit shorter than average but still within the norm for boys his age, it's a very different issue to being signigicantly shorter than others boys his age.

If it's the first I would try to generally reassure him, maybe remind him that height isn't a good way to judge someone's worth, and that how confident he is about it will impact how others see him. And maybe look at characters from books/movies who are amazing and short. Like Tyrion Lannister or Miles Vorkosigan for instance.

If he is significantly shorter than average then I would be a lot more proactive about getting medical advice and making sure there isn't a hormonal imbalance or other health issue, as there is a limited window of opportunity for optimal treatment plans.

I feel for you and him. My son is 7 and he’s been upset tonight saying that he’s fat and too short. He doesn’t have a single bit of fat on him and he is small. There seems to be so much more focus and pressure on the way you look these days.
I like tall and short men and can’t understand why people are so obsessed with a man’s height. There are so many more important things to consider than height. I don’t know what the answer is..
I probably went about this completely the wrong way, but I said that he was not chubby and pointed out a couple of kids who are and asked him what he thought about them, he said they’re kind and friends of his. I said well there you go, even if you were chubby nobody actually cares, we are all different sizes, it’s about who you are and how you make people feel.

Or visit some areas where people are on average a bit smaller eg Cardiff? Just for a bit of reassurance that it doesn't matter.

I mean - you cant do anything about this OP - just have to make him try to be ok with it . It'll happen eventually.

My eldest DS is 5ft 6 he's over 30 now so he won't get any taller. My youngest is just over 6ft and still growing. Genetics are strange my grandmother was 6ft and my grandfather was a lot shorter. My dad is 5ft 5.
I'm small too at 5ft 3inch. Not sure what I'm trying to say except it's never really been an issue.

I'm 5ft 7 my husband is 5ft 11 my son is 6ft 4! God knows how

Swimming and basketball may help. I know two separate cases, where it helped kids to grow to the full height potential.

How do you know they wouldn’t have reached it without the swimming or basketball?

nearly all the boys in my school did their growing around 14-15 - I remember there was a summer holiday and when we came back suddenly they were all taller than us! Very Normal to be short at his age. I guess I’d compare it to growing boobs - some girls have boobs at that age, some grow them later, some stay with a relatively small breast size AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. It’s so hard to realise that at 14 but it’s true isn’t, most people find relationships with people who love them for who they are.

I would be emphasising to him that the thing that girls love is confidence and the thing that puts them off is whinginess. Tinder is a cesspit and he’s much better off learning to speak to girls, to show an interest in them, to make genuine female friends (including girls he doesn’t fancy), to take rejection and bounce back from it, and to ask girls questions about themselves etc. and learn some life skills. Most 16 year olds will be up for a guy who can hold a good conversation, make pizza, and who presents himself well.

DH's parents were short, but his grandparents weren't.
DH shot up 6" at the age of 14 to 6'.

Hang tough OP only time will tell. And yes it sounds like he will be shorter than average ( like his parents ) . Set the example of being comfortable as you are .

I’ve never been in a relationship with a man taller that 5ft 7in - lots of us prefer shorter guys.

Being short is a good filter against shallow females that only want someone taller.

He's of an age where the last boys to hit puberty do look like lost little boys who strayed into the wrong classroom but that can change very rapidly when the hormones get going, and he's got a long potential growth period still ahead of him. They do catch up. If he follows his dad to 5'8", that's a perfectly mainstream male height and it didn't hold his dad back on finding a partner.

So in summary, everyone feels that height is nothing but a number whilst simultaneously hoping that their DS will be at least 5'10, knowing their exact height at various ages, what centile they're in and will be asking the GP how to make them grow more. Then blaming Andrew Tate.

Erm, of course it’s relevant?!

I read Maria Sharapova's autobiography, she said as a teenager she would do stretches everyday in attempt to grow taller, which she did.

FWIW, my dh (he is about 5ft8) is only about an inch taller than me, and his height never crossed my radar when we first started dating, and since then it has never affected our relationship.

I probably should know this, but what does Andrew Tate say about height?

I did worry about my son’s height too. I even researched growth hormones. My son is 15 next month and since last summer, he grew 5 inches

Not sure, but it’ll all boil down to women being cunts

I never liked the tall lads, I always fell for the smaller ones.
A lot of shorter lads I knew had girlfriends, it certainly didn’t disadvantage them.

I know it usually goes by the parents’ height, but my mum was 5’ 1” and my dad was 5’ 7”. I am 5’ 7”, so a reasonable height for a woman. My sister was 5’ 6”. My brother is just a shade off 6’. So our short parents produced 3 offspring who ended up above average height. It does happen! And of the 3 of us, my brother was the one who shot up at the last minute. Until he was about 13, he was one of the smallest in his class, whereas my sister and I grew more consistently.

Also agree with this.

Lots of these responses whilst attempting to be helpful just show the level of height prejudice there is aimed at men particularly. Reassuring the op that her son might grow to 6 foot because your own son did is part of the issue, he may not, some men don’t, and thats fine. The push to say don’t worry he surely won’t be a small man, he’ll grow ! ( the horror!! Sarcasm in case it’s not obvious!)

The pressure for men to be a certain height is as ridiculous as the pressure for women to be a size 8 and should be seen in the same way.

Encouraging sport and physical fitness will help him feel self pride that isn’t related to his height. I have several smaller men in my family, they are all wonderful kind men with beautiful partners, good careers and fulfilling lives.
Reassure your son but I would avoid talk of doctors and “you’ll grow” and focus on building his self esteem with the wonderful things about him that are nothing to do with his height.