Magic Mike Live - Bride really unhappy

[Vickersz]

I was given the task of organising my best friend’s hen. I, alongside our other friend, decided on Magic Mike Live. It’s very on theme for a hen and from what I have heard just a very silly dance show which gets people dancing and laughing (not at all seedy).

This will be the end of August. So great weather. We thought we’d go in a little tipsy (after bottomless brunch) and have a laugh as a group of girls (and a couple of gay guys). Finish with a dinner and some dancing. And Bob’s your uncle.

It’s all gone to shit.

Apparently the groom is not happy and thinks it’s a weird choice. He has told the bride he doesn’t want her to go. Everyone’s paid for the non-refundable tickets! There was a bbq last week and it was the main topic of conversation apparently. With all these weird theories as to why it was chosen. It’s not that deep!

My friend often attends bottomless brunch, dances on tables etc. And is no prude.

i genuinely feel ill! It’s being referred to as a strip show! The bride’s step mum and mum will be in attendance.

I really want to walk away from the whole thing.

I spoke to the bride and she is not happy at all

Not all stag dos are like this so it isn’t a valid argument if it’s irrelevant to this situation

Ugh, this is very subjective and tricky. I think you needed to run it with her first to see if she likes the idea. I would be fine with that and would totally love it but I know people that absolutely wouldn't.

I actually think this is a huge red flag for the bride on her groom. If he's controlling something she would have found fun even before their wedding then it doesn't bode well
Sounds like she's being controlled and gaslit into his way of thinking.

I would walk away from the hen and the wedding and the people who have paid should go regardless.

But this obviously isn’t everyone’s idea of a laugh though is it? That’s the point and why something like this should have been run past the bride before booking.

I feel bad for you as you've booked something that in reality it sounds like everyone will enjoy. Perhaps the groom thinks it's a proper full blown strip show?! It's the classic Mumsnet line, no good deed goes unpunished I'm afraid.

I once told our electrician he had magic fingers.😧

The issue is that the groom has an issue - and now the bride (and you) are in a tricky situation.

If she had some hard no’s, or had certain expectations, she should’ve told you.

It’s bloody shit being responsible for a hens night!

My DH loved the films, I was bored. And he's not gay, just impressed with his moves. So I don't think it's too hardcore. Personally I wouldn't have liked it because I think it's boring but if my friends had planned it for me I would try my best to enjoy it.

Yes the issue is the groom. It’s not my thing, but if I wanted to go then my husband wouldn’t say anything.

My dsis is a massive fan of magic mike and I went with her 6 years ago. It was awful. I felt like a creep even being there. It was full of leering drunk women. And at the end the dancers went to each row and and lap danced every single person in turn, one after another.

You can't compare women in strip clubs with a Magic Mike show. There's many layers of difference beginning with the inherent power imbalance between men and women and the commodifying of women's bodies as an oppression tactic.

However, I am a firm believer in not being a hypocrite and although I don't think they are anywhere near on the same level, I don't agree with strip clubs and like to not dance the line of my own morals. So I would not attend a hen do like this.

I actually turned down a close friend's hen for this same reason. It wasn't Magic Mike but a knock off version. Either way, no one was surprised when I gracefully bowed out.

Edit: I don't think this is weirdly controlling of the groom (like PP have said).
He didn't go to strip clubs for his stag, and we don't know if it is something that they agreed on. If it was then it should be consistent for both and also many people are morally against it.

If my DH's friend planned a strip club for his stag then I would absolutely be vocal about it not happening, although my DH agrees with me and would never go anyway.

These are presumably women who know her well, I suspect her husband to be forbidding her from going has played a major part in her reaction. Its unlikely her mum, close friends etc would have said that sounds fun if they knew she'd hate it; shame hes so insecure and unfortunately this wont be the last thing he stops her doing. If you cant get refunds the rest of you should still go.

@Vickerszyou’ve mentioned the bride isn’t happy.
Who is she unhappy with? Her DH to be or you for booking it?

I also don’t think you can take the lack of objections to mean everyone was enthusiastic about it. On a WhatsApp group like this people aren’t likely to be vocal objectors as they won’t want to rock the boat.
I would have agreed but would have been secretly dreading it.

Oh I'd have been furious if that was arranged for my hen do. It absolutely is seedy. Have you not seen videos of what they do to the women they get up on stage basically dry humping them 🤢

She likes the films so they booked the live show.

It’s a very fair assumption she’d enjoy it

I’ve been and it’s not that bad! The men aren’t
prancing around naked and they don’t grind on people! It’s actually really fun and a bit terrifying that they’ll ‘pick’ on you. They did choose someone near me and I heard them explain what was going to happen and was she okay with it. You didn’t really see anything. It’s tamer than the movie! All the judgement seems to be coming from people who haven’t been.

Is it possible OP that some of the guests thought Magic Mike was a magic act? Because that would have been my best guess until I read through this thread and found out its some sort of dance show. I'm just wondering if some of the people now objecting had misunderstood what they'd booked?

Perhaps… but a film is different to a live show where members of the audience participate.

I’m just offering a different perspective having been the bride where everyone assumed I’d be up for something like this.

Brilliant 😂😂

Sounds like it was brilliantly planned to me and mumsnet has done that ridiculous thing of the tide following the view of the first comment. You haven't done anything wrong at all

And this is why it’s different from the film - the risk that you’ll be selected to participate.
Not everyone wants that!

In a group of several men and women its unlikely that none of them wouldnt say if they had concerns, not everyone is a people pleasing pushover.

Id presume OP knows her friend and what she likes and dislikes doing, a group of her nearest and dearest combined would certainly know better than her husband to be.

I know many, many girlfriends who don't allow their partners to visit strip clubs on stag nights. Magic Mike is essentially the female equivalent so I don't think the groom is fully unreasonable. It's doesn't necessarily have to be an issue of control but also self esteem. Knowing your partner is going someplace to ogle bodies of the opposite sex which you can never achieve is a bit seedy and disrespectful.

No need to be rude.
People can offer an alternative perspective on these threads you know …

You planned a hen the hen would like and she’s only saying she doesn’t want to go to placate a jealous and insecure boyfriend. Tell her you’re sorry she’s unhappy with the organisation you did out of the kindness of your heart but none of her friends or family objected and she’s watched the films so you thought she’d enjoy it. Tell her you hope she’s not being influenced by a partner dictating what she can and can’t do but you’ll respect whatever she wants to do and try and find a work around if you have to, such as cutting the hen do short.