Dont feel bad OP, its just a misjudgement on your part, albeit a costly one. Hopefully there is a solution to be found.
The double standards on show in the thread are unsurprising, not to mention the cognative dissonance.
Some people are saying the women on stage are plants, others saying they (normal guests) were personally on stage.
Some people say its a stage show and there is no contact, other saying the dancers go round every row of seats lap dancing on people.
Some people saying its not sleazy, others saying the talk is about making guests wet and jizzing on them.
All of these double standards, the dishonesty and the sleaze is why I absolutely insisted on no stag/hen nights when we got married. It wasn't a popular decision, but I didnt care - I was not prepared to compromise on it, and OH could have walked away if they wanted. Fortunately they prioritised our relationship over an ultimately meaningless night out.
I am not controlling or distrustful, I just strongly dislike these things in principle. I personally feel they cheapen the wedding and relationship and I wanted my wedding to be better than that. Having respect for your partner - and feeling respected in return - is a big part of relationships and I felt these nights out would threaten that.
(I have no issue with OH going for nights out or a weekend away with friends, as they have done several times since).
Hen/stag activities directly affect the other partner and so how they feel is important. That so many people seem to disregard this is probably why so many marriages fail.
Sure, many such nights out are unobjectionable - but I wasnt prepared to gamble or feel uncomfortable in the slightest. I wanted to feel comfortable and happy in the run up to my wedding.
People say "you dont trust your partner" - but its not your partner you need to trust, its their friends. Usually people have been drinking heavily and often feel obliged or pressured to "go along with" things they wouldn't usually do when their judgement is impaired. Some guests think the nights are all about pushing boundaries and trying to embarrass the stag/hen. This, coupled with the notorious secrecy and inevitable dishonesty, is all why I just wasnt having it.
OHs friends are pleasant enough, but I dont know them well and so dont trust them personally. Some of the friends own events were beyond the pale in my opinion and so I was hardly going leave it up to them, especially as they had attempted to lie about some of these events (and got caught out, which is why I knew about it).
If people are comfortable with behaviour like this, especially in the run up to their wedding, then that's up to them. I dont agree, but ultimately my opinion is irrelevant in the context of their relationship - but it is relevant and important in the context of mine.
I dont see the need for the events, why cant the wedding and reception be the big celebration which everyone can enjoy together? No one is entitled to use someone else's big day as a vehicle for sleaze.
Of my own close friends, only 1 had such an event and it did involve a bit of smut, so I just made an excuse and didnt go.