Magic Mike Live - Bride really unhappy

[Vickersz]

I was given the task of organising my best friend’s hen. I, alongside our other friend, decided on Magic Mike Live. It’s very on theme for a hen and from what I have heard just a very silly dance show which gets people dancing and laughing (not at all seedy).

This will be the end of August. So great weather. We thought we’d go in a little tipsy (after bottomless brunch) and have a laugh as a group of girls (and a couple of gay guys). Finish with a dinner and some dancing. And Bob’s your uncle.

It’s all gone to shit.

Apparently the groom is not happy and thinks it’s a weird choice. He has told the bride he doesn’t want her to go. Everyone’s paid for the non-refundable tickets! There was a bbq last week and it was the main topic of conversation apparently. With all these weird theories as to why it was chosen. It’s not that deep!

My friend often attends bottomless brunch, dances on tables etc. And is no prude.

i genuinely feel ill! It’s being referred to as a strip show! The bride’s step mum and mum will be in attendance.

I really want to walk away from the whole thing.

I spoke to the bride and she is not happy at all

Not at all, control is control.

A controlling person would think its acceptable though, quite telling of the people defending it.

This 1 person, based of the ignorance is demanding a dozen or so people change their pre-paid and agreed plans or they will stop their partner attending their own party...

Which is a trip to a a MUSICAL... not remotely the same as attending say a brothel and cheating like some people are desperately trying to justify their jealous micromanaging behavior as.

Yep, a stretch... Bet you're touching the moon right now!

Yeah, this.
Everyone seems to be ignoring the biggest issue here and just saying their thoughts on the show - the groom kicking up a fuss and saying she can't go!
Did she seem happy enough at first until he complained?

Personally I would have been quite pissed off with such a tacky and tasteless suggestion. However as it’s not clear whether the bride was up for it till her fiance objected, or if it’s something she genuinely doesn’t want isn’t clear.

I would suggest you and the bride, and perhaps her mum, have a conversation about it - and her relationship, and if if she’s uncomfortable because of him, whether she thinks it’s acceptable for him to control where she goes in this way and if that’s the sort of man she wants to marry.

I wouldn’t try getting a refund fuck that; nothing stopping you & the others still going and sticking with your plans (why should you have to lose out, because the bride doesn’t want to go?) Then plan a different night for her hen do at a local church hall, tea room or library somewhere more suited to her.
btw I think what you’ve planned sounds fun & don't understand what the fuck it’s got to do with her future husband; already showing his controlling tendencies.

All you can do is say to bride ‘our tickets are non refundable so I expect most people will go, but we will organise you a more sedate event if that’s what you prefer. Do you think this is a good sign for a life together though?’

No more controlling than a bride who objected to a groom going to a strip club for his stag do.

Funny the double standards at play here - women getting to swoon over topless men, perfectly fine. Guys going to the male equivalent? Absolutely no way.

I remember being in the pub and a hen do had actually got a proper stripper in a police uniform. He was stood by the next table doing windmills with his (rather large) bratwurst!

I remember being surprised they could just arrange that as in theory somebody could've walked in with their children as it was still fairly early.

If I were getting married I'd hate to think my fiancé was going to a strip show with his mates.

If the boundary is you don’t want your spouse to be leering at and objectifying semi naked people, would that be controlling if it applies to both bride and groom and agreed before stag and hen events?

Yes. Men aren't to be objectified any more than women are. If the fiance is going to a strip club and objecting to OP going to the show, that's a red flag. If he's not a hypocrite and this is a value he has, then it's strange to have not known if there was a clash of values here by this stage of the relationship.

I have been on around 15 stag dos and not one had anything sexual.

I think people who are calling this a ‘musical’ are being deliberately disingenuous. It is an 18+ only event and is not a ‘musical’ in the sense of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Matilda. It’s an adult show.

I think, given its 18+ rating, that OP should have checked before booking tickets - though I am surprised that other parties (MiL , Mother, friends that know Bride well) wouldn’t have voiced concern over its suitability before that stage.

Pretty sure you can resell the tickets easily enough OP, so I’d do that and revise the plans for the night.

okay, say this groom has well-founded and genuine reasons for being agin Magic Mike Live. Maybe he’s a deeply moral man who is opposed to all forms of objectification. For whatever reason he’s objected, doesn’t really matter why, and he’s also decided his wife’s hen is the right moment to centre himself and that his feelings on this take precedence over expense, inconvenience and social awkwardness. Fair enough. That’s his decision.

However, twenty people who also care for the bride made a decision and, crucially, you can’t all pile into a big sparkly hen night time machine, so what do you do?

I’d say - do nothing. Now your decision making has been getting discussed at family BBQs and all that, I think it’s gone too far up the ostensible ’chain of command’ for you to be responsible for the success of this endeavour anymore. Groom had his say, and the bride doesn’t want to defy the groom, we don’t know why, maybe she agrees with him and ‘films are different.’ Or maybe she doesn’t want to be seen to be someone who vigorously defends her right to attend a semi-clad male dance troupe show - but sadly it’s all booked and paid for now so they need to decide what they’re going to do to solve the problem. Perhaps they could jointly cover the lost cost of non-attendance and make the problem go away. Maybe they can’t. You can’t solve it though, AFAICS your hands are tied, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, if you propose making this a big night out minus the bride it’s potentially going to go down like a pint of cold sick too. But you can’t really say to everyone who has laid out already, we’re not going - so aren’t you’re better off letting someone else with actual authority in this situation call the shots hereafter? Liberate yourself!

I think people who are calling this a ‘musical’ are being deliberately disingenuous. It is an 18+ only event and is not a ‘musical’ in the sense of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Matilda. It’s an adult show.

This.

Regardless of whether the future husband is being unreasonable or not, OP is 100% unreasonable to think it's a dance show.

And quite frankly, I am sure that if the future husband was the one going to what is essentially an adult show that the bride and all the posters above trying to be cool would be incredibly unimpressed.

That’s what my DH and his mates say too, though when I state that on MN I am accused of being naive. Paid for sexual interaction, as far as DH and his mates are concerned, is not a ‘larf’ but the action of seedy sad men.

I actually chose to believe MOST men are pretty decent, respect their GF/wives/sisters/mothers and are intelligent enough to recognise the seedy underworld of strip clubs to not want to be seen to support it with their money.

But again, I will no doubt be accused of being naive…

My DH wouldn't care if I went to something like this but I would rather visit the Dentist

If a woman was complaining about her groom to be going to a strip club, everyone on here would say she was within her rights and to LTB. Why is that fine for women but 'controlling' for men?

OMG are they Mormon/Religious? The same thing happened on my fav show "Secret lives of Mormon Wives". It was such a control thing from the husband.

Because objectification of males by females is okay, but the other way round isn't, for some reason? 🙄

Crazy the mental gymnastics people are going through to justify this and paint the groom out to be the bad guy, but what can you expect from Mumsnet, I guess?

Objectification is objectification, no matter who it is that's doing it.

Yes because objecting to people being sexualised for profit must make you religious and/or controlling.

It's just sad there are some women who have the experience that makes them think there aren't good men out there that reject this sort of thing.

I would rather have set my own toes on fire and watch them burn off one by one than attend something like this - at ANY stage in my life.

But it sounds like everyone, including the bride's own family and the bride herself, are or were on board with this until the groom kicked off. I don't think it bodes well for future marital bliss if he's being allowed to tantrum and call the shots before they've even got a ring on it.

If the bride knows her intended has form for throwing his rattle out of the pram over nothing, she should have left OP know before she went to the bother of booking, that any hen do must be appropriate for Victorian virgins to avoid hubz-to-be taking the huff.

Bit of difference between complaining and outright saying you're "not allowed" to go somewhere.

The thing is, OP, it doesn’t matter what your intentions were or wha5 the show is like or whether you think the groom is being controlling. It is not happening.

So you have to go into damage limitation mode. Resell the tickets. Or if you still want to go without the bride, do that and rearrange the hen party for another day.