It's a benefits one, hard hat ready

[BucketHatWoes]

DS 27, ASD lives with me, we are both on DA for different reasons.

I think I want him to move out,

I manage his money for bills and shopping

but hes having issues with food now and I dont have the energy to deal with it anymore, I feel awful about it, but I find it to much,

His Dad is an asshole but hes a millionaire, so if DS stayed with him, he could eat steak instead of pasta

but he would be gaslighted and manipulated every day

Hes not learning any life skills from me at the minute, only how being broke is shit

If dad's a millionnaire why can't he hire help for the son to teach him life skills?

You sound done in. Is his father really the only option? I wonder if a place in supported accommodation where he could learn some life skills and develop some independence would be better for him in the long run?

Too little info. Can he live independently with help such as assisted living? Will his dad have him?

Maybe he could move in with his Dad for a short while and then go on to independent living with support.

Why has he not learned any life skills? Is it not being able to, or not being willing to?

There might be a little clue in the fact the OP says her son would be gaslighted and manipulated, just a small one.

Then another small clue in the fact his ex partner and son live in poverty while he lives in luxury.

But slight sarcasm aside it isn’t as simple as teaching someone life skills like it’s a French lesson or a violin one or something. Even without autism.

All very peculiar

His Dad is a shithead, has never agreed with the ASD diagnosis, hates me more than he loves DS, all my bad parenting bla bla bla...

but he will throw money on anything now, so do I just do it?

surely he can live on his own?

some sort of residential home?

No of course not, that’s not independent living. Like Assisted Living as I mentioned.

ASD is a Spectrum, so it hard to comment without knowing how he is affected.

You can’t be seriously considering sending your son to live somewhere he will be abused surely?

as others have said it sounds like a good time to look at assisted living or similar to help set him up long term.

No, not yet, but maybe in the future

do you have a disability social worker to help you?

yes and they assume I can manage it but really in honesty I cant

Why aren’t you going down the route of assisted living?

It seems that, at 27, your son should be given a shot at living with his Dad.
He might have to skill up on some things to be an acceptable house mate with a different person.
Ask your ex to find some work experience and training courses for his son.
Cooking, kitchen hand, building assistant, in a commercial laundry, mowing and garden maintenance etc?
Get his Dad to teach him how to mow lawns, make a flyer and put them around the neighbourhood..

no i wouldnt ship him to his dad's but i would look at him leaving home

because there is not a hope in hell he would get it, hes 'high functioning'

his Dad doesnt do any of these things, not practical at all

Why is this a "benefits" thread?

You think you want your son to move out. Have you spoken to your son about this? What would he prefer? Does he have a relationship with his dad? Would his dad have him?

Its a Benefits tread because me and my son are on benefits

I dont think he would like to live with DH but as he spends so much time in his room it wouldnt make much difference

if his dad is a millionaire he can pay for some support and accommodation, assisted living or whatever it is called