Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Well, ain't karma a bitch.
Frankly, you got what you deserved. Hopefully your children enjoy living with their Dad and go on to live full and happy lives.
You, need to seek therapy. And pay CMS.

I’m in enough anguish right now without you sticking the knife in. My kids have been effectively alienated and want little to do with me right now.

YOOOOOOOOU alienated them.

You may be the antihero in this story but I'm rooting for you. You can fix this but you have to genuinely understand that what you did was morally wrong, not just legally wrong. Neither your children nor your ex will forgive you unless you're actually sorry.

Right now you're stuck in this defensive and destructive pattern of feeling like you're owed something and it's everyone else's fault. Instead of YOU alienated your children by trying to get money you weren't owed, you say HE alienated them against you. Instead of YOU failed to listen to the evidence based and rational information provided here, CMS led you wrong. You have to take accountability.

You took £300 a month, an amicable co-parenting relationship, and 2 lots of CB and threw it on the roulette table, choosing to trust the 1-2% of posters who said you could win more, rather than the vast majority who warned you not to, and now you have to have a long think about the thought patterns that got you there and disrupt them before the destroy your chance of any relationship with your kids.

You came here with an AIBU and got told yes, YWBU, you continued. Are you ready to finally consider that maybe, we were right?

This user is right.

This is all your own doing. Dads just told them the truth.

Childs asked and dads answered. Much like women are told to tell the truth age appropriately and not cover for their ex’s.

His told them you wanted more money, despite him paying you £300 he didn’t legally have to and letting you claim both child benefit when again one should have been his. That you were not happy with that money and wanted more, so you decided to try and get given more.

Legal sided with him and you where not entitled to anything by the end as you did not even have 50/50 to get one child benefit and now you should actually be paying child maintenance but his not going to make you, you are also not paying voluntarily.

Teenage boys can and will quite easily see that as mums a gold digger. All based on facts no lies, no alienation because it’s the truth as easily proven with bank statements and paperwork and direct gov webpage.

I haven’t spoken to my children in months and didn’t see them over Christmas. They will no longer have anything to do with me.

I hope you can rebuild the relationship one day. Good luck.

I do not know where I would even begin with that, they think I am the worst person ever thanks to their dad.

Maybe start by taking some accountability for your actions and not blaming their dad for this situation.

It is your lack of accountability that makes you a bad parent.

Maybe change that to thanks to your arguments over CB and CMS? Take some responsibility.

I hope you rebuild the relationships with your children.

I am sorry to hear that. And I hope you are able to fix this.

Everything else aside, I wish you the best OP

No, they think that way because of YOUR actions. Until and unless you can admit your wrongdoing and culpability you have 0 chance of rebuilding the relationship because you refuse to admit what you did. This refusal means you can neither regret nor apologise. That should be your starting point but after all you've posted I despair of you ever realising that.

Oh no, not the consequences of my own actions

In hindsight given what the outcome has been I shouldn’t have put the claim in. But equally CMS is culpable in telling me in multiple phone exchanges that I am the primary carer and therefore entitled to this money, even though it’s 50/50 overnights. They even asked me loads of questions and afterwards confirmed I’m the primary carer and owed this money. I’ve sent them numerous complaints about this ‘advice’ I was given by them.

CMS needs to update their policies so that if it’s 50/50 they just won’t let you claim anything and then this sort of shit show won’t happen.

It was YOUR fault. Not CMS and not your ex. Accept that and maybe you'll be able to move forward with your children one day.

CMS advise on info YOU give them. You told them you were primary carer therefore they advised based on that. You omitted all the other relevant circumstances that were pertinent. Which is what you stubbornly refuse to see, and which is what landed you in this mess. You'll never admit it, so the whole woe is me wailing is grating to those who offered you advice and pointless for you to be doing.

Only 1 person is at fault here. Its not CMS, its not your ex, its YOU

wrong. They asked me a series of questions which I answered and they said I’m the primary carer and I’m entitled to the money!

Do you actually want a relationship with your children? Because if so, you need to find a way to stop repeating this and, at least, pretend to accept responsibility.

I thought you came back because, after a period of reflection, you were ready to accept responsibility and tell everyone we were right.

Looks like you just came back to further whine about the repercussions of your own actions and continue to blame everyone except yourself.

Good luck!

Literally nothing is ever your fault is it?

And you didnt give them the rest of the relevant info.....

I also thought you may have reflected on your behaviour and be ready to accept responsibility but no, you're just here to whinge again.

NOTHING will change until you bloody well realise what you've done.

Im out, I'd get more sense out of a concrete block.

OP, CMS may well have advised you poorly.

But it was you that doubled down when poster after poster and thread after thread, you were told “it doesn’t work like that”.

You could have chosen to drop your claim and apologise to your ex for quite a while, but you refused to believe you were wrong.

I'm not surprised this was the outcome. I followed both threads and it's clear the money meant more to you than the wellbeing of your children.