Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Get caught lying and the judge will have a field day giving the other party every single thing they want.

My ex still bitches about our family court judge doing exactly that and our girls are mid twenties (and he hasn't seen them for several years).

If I lose the child benefit then he can have two claims against me for CMS which so far he’s said he doesn’t want the money but he might start chasing me and I’m worried as I’ll now have months of arrears. Also lots of people in my company are facing redundancy so I’m worried I will have to claim UC and if I have no children recorded as living with me then I won’t get much money and also my ex can’t even claim any of the money as I’ve said anyway so it’s a total loss to our children.

You’re still only thinking of your self. He might come after ME for money, I might get made redundant to Uc won’t give ME as much money.

You’re right he can’t actually receive CB because he earns so much. But if your not the resident parent you are not entitled to it anyway so it make zero difference to you either because if you don’t have the children over 50% it’s not yours to have.

The child benefit doesn’t matter to your children because they clearly have a father proving for them so again it makes zero difference to them if their non resident parent doesn’t get it.

Nobody owes you £26 a week ffs.

He has been more than reasonable throughout this whole situation. You haven't really shown in your threads any kind of contrition or even acknowledgment that this is all your fault.

Is it possible that you could reach out to him and apologize, and tell him that you were wrong and see if he would be willing to drop the rival claims? I know he said that it was going to go through court now but that was because of your behavior. Maybe if you change your ways he wouldn't insist on that.

You were warned numerous times much earlier on about the disaster path you were taking. Yet you insisted on taking it.

Have you even tried apologising to your ex at any point? Without expectations of him giving cash or even changing his mind, but have you bothered at all to be apologetic for the path you've taken you all down?

Do you even acknowledge that the loss of finances is, and if it impacts UC will be, your fault? As you've shown no signs on the threads so far of accepting that this is your doing entirely.

Surely you've at least been sensible enough to put aside what you could owe in CM since your DC1 has been there much more?

Also I don’t know but if you rent your about to be really stuck if you end up on UC. No children means 1 bed entitlement. 1 child means two bed, 2 children but same sex under 16 still 2 bed. LHA rent is nowhere near private rental prices.

You’ve really shot yourself here.

Though I doubt some sudden realisation, I expect this has also helped the children easily start moving to dads.

They are not little babies and toddlers these are teen/tween? Boys who want to live with dad. They will of seen exactly how you talk, act, behave in regard’s to them, their dad and money.

The overall theme I’m getting is just money money money. Not I miss my boys I love my boys, but my moneyyyyy

I appreciate that the prospect of redundancy is scary. But surely it will ease your financial burden if DH is maintaining the kids more. He will be feeding them, and transporting them.

Your kids absolutely arent facing a "total loss" if you dont get CB.

"I’m worried I will have to claim UC and if I have no children recorded as living with me then I won’t get much money" they arent being recorded as living with you because they arent living with you. You'd face the same circs once theyre 18.

Regardless of what you mean, when you phrase things like this. It comes across to us readers as your only concern is as much money as possible

You don’t need to be receiving the CB to have children on your UC claim. It used to be the case but isn’t anymore.

And it’s all your own fault. And we told you over and over before it all kicked off; we all told you to cancel your CMS claim, apologise and stop. You ignored us. We told you this would happen… it’s literally all your own fault.

Upon reflection.. was it easy with the paperwork you were doing before you started this?

I can imagine that if you think filling in marginally more than 50% of the forms sent home by school, so roughly 3 a year per child, should qualify you for 100% of the CB and more than £300 a month in maintenance, any amount of paperwork feels arduous.

THIS! With bells on!

Both children are no longer living with me, they’ve decided to go to their dad’s.

I feel heartbroken it has come to this and whilst I do take some responsibility, I feel he has alienated me and manipulated them.

Is anything ever your fault?

I have said I take responsibility but he has told them I was unfairly coming after him for money etc, which has just completed turned them against me.

But you were unfairly coming after him for money?

But… you were unfairly going after him for money, weren’t you?!

Which you were doing. So…

So there you go you lost your children over some money he didn’t owe you. Slow clap. Well done.

If only hundreds of posts could have predicted it

You were warned if this numerous times.

Yet your post still takes no responsibility.

You got greedy and it has cost you greatly.

I have said I take responsibility but he has told them I was unfairly coming after him for money etc, which has just completed turned them against me

So he has told them the truth

You were completely out of order in your greed. Until you accept that and admit that you'll likely continue damaging your relationship with your children.

For their sake, and your own, accept responsibility- full responsibility- for your greedy fuck up.

So he told them the truth then?🤣

@ProlongedAffair what carnage this has turned out to be.
I respect your honesty in updating the threads. Parenting is rarely truly equal whether together or separated and you've fixated on what you consider past inequities to justify going after more money now. You've alienated a generous EXH and your children in the process and now paid a very harsh price.
Perhaps if you reflect on all this and can admit to your children that you now realise you were wrong and are genuinely sorry you might have a chance of rebuilding a relationship with them. I wish that for you.

I'm sorry to hear that OP. Unfortunately that's the risk when you upset the apple cart. Nothing is set in stone, ket them know you want them to visit as often as they want and money doesn't come into it.