Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

I don’t agree that anyone is encouraging her, @ARichtGoodDram, but I understand why you do.

Have a nice Sunday.

You may be the ‘primary carer’ but if you are 50/50 custody then you are 50/50 financially regardless of where they are registered as a dentist etc.

it’s really that simple.

Yes the kids have been staying more recently with him but before that I did basically everything, so to have my benefits taken that I’ve had for years and for him to stop paying maintenance I feel is wrong.

i have worked for the same company for 15 years, but recently went part time. Someone else has been employed to cover the hours I no longer work. AIBU to think it’s unfair that my wages have been reduced? For all the years I’ve worked there I have done what is expected and fulfilled my obligations, and occasionally I even did overtime, so for them to stop paying me the same as they did before feels wrong.

She has the respect of her children to lose.

Can you imagine knowing that the parent you chose to spend more time living with is being attacked by your other parent because she wants to keep the £26 a week the government provides towards your upkeep for herself?

Wouldn’t you think that a good mum would want money intended for her child to actually be spent on her child? Wouldn’t you think that it was a bit crazy of your mum to go after more of your dads money when he was already giving her more than she needed to provide for you?

I don’t think OP has any choice but to see the process through. Whether she fights it or not, this is happening. That said, I’m not sure how ‘fighting it’ means anything other than lying about how much time she has the children (when he undoubtedly will have evidence that disproves whatever she claims), and refusing to pay legally owed child maintenance (which he will undoubtedly pursue). I suppose she could also try and convince her children to spend more time with her, but I’m not sure they’ll be so keen when they know full well the motivation for that is mummy wanting to get paid.

But OP has been shooting herself in the face through this entire process, so why stop now?

It is fascinating to see how much one tunnel visioned person can damage herself financially.

Start with 2 CB awards and above average maintenance and equal access to the children.

Decide to be greedy and try to get more.

Ask advice off women who largely are in support of women who tell you how good you have it and don’t be greedy

Ignore all advice due to aforementioned greed.

End up with less money, probably no CB, and your children want to see less of you than ever before.

Not the best result.

Based upon @ProlongedAffair's previous posts, it's her ex that currently has active claims being processed by child benefits and CMS.

Are you proposing that she doesn't engage with the process?

I agree that she's almost certainly going to lose the youngest's child benefit and any CMS claim, but she might as well let the process play out.

Add in

’Comes back again to ask for advice, continues to ignore it, and carries on digging even though she’s already at the point where she can’t see daylight above her’

Working in law, I encountered a few that did exactly what OP is doing, although they were actually paying to get advice to ignore. Then, when they’ve managed to fuck themselves in every conceivable way, it’s “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me?”.

Of course she has to engage with the process.

There’s a difference between engaging with it, and fighting it by lying in an attempt to keep money she’s not entitled to, and refusing to pay the maintenance she owes.

He’s said he doesn’t want the maintenance money.

And I’m not suggesting lying, I’m just asking what happens if they receive conflicting information. They are asking for dates spanning back to March and I’ve tried my best to work it out accurately but it’s difficult when they are asking for 6 months worth of dates.

And I’m not suggesting lying, I’m just asking what happens if they receive conflicting information. They are asking for dates spanning back to March and I’ve tried my best to work it out accurately but it’s difficult when they are asking for 6 months worth of dates.

You're not seriously expecting anyone to believe that you haven't been keeping accurate notes of when your DC were with you and when they were with their father in the midst of all this?

That's one the most unbelievable thing on this thread, and there's been a few of them.

I know roughly but I don't have an absolute record. Unless you’ve been to a CMS tribunal, multiple rival child benefit claims, family court etc you wouldn’t know the vast amount of paperwork that’s required, it’s hundreds and hundreds of papers. That’s on top of looking after kids, my work and life admin. So no I don’t know for definite that’s why I’m asking what does happen if they get conflicting info.

If I were you, I would agree to drop your claim to the child benefits if he agrees not to pursue you for maintenance.

I know it’s very frustrating that for years you did everything and sacrificed a lot to raise the kids and now he’s swooping in and taking more time once the hard years are done. BUT the courts won’t concern themselves with historical splits because child benefit should go to the CURRENT main care (which you accept, albeit by a small amount) is your ex. And CMS should be paid by the parent who has them less to the parent who has them more (you accept right now, you have them less and he has them more).

This isn’t your money - child benefit and maintenance payments are to help pay for the children. The person paying for the children more right now (and maybe since March) is him. Therefore, he deserves the payment.

I get money might be tight and it’s hard for everyone at the moment, but I think you need to realise you’re not entitled to this money because it’s for children you’re not currently having as much as he is…

If you fight for this money, you anger him more and he will potentially open up a maintenace claim against you with CMS or have the children more and more. You already cut your nose off to spite your face by rocking the boat when he was generously giving you more than you deserved, so stop rocking the boat, accept defeat and start to figure out ways to make some extra money and repair the relationship with your children. The fact your eldest now spends 80% of their time at your ex’s house speaks volumes as to how this conflict is affecting them.

Please just listen to what literally everyone here is telling you, you’re becoming so fixated on this £70 per month or whatever it is that you’re losing perspective.

I know roughly but I don't have an absolute record. Unless you’ve been to a CMS tribunal, multiple rival child benefit claims, family court etc you wouldn’t know the vast amount of paperwork that’s required, it’s hundreds and hundreds of papers. That’s on top of looking after kids, my work and life admin. So no I don’t know for definite that’s why I’m asking what does happen if they get conflicting info.

I know exactly what's involved with CMS and CB, which is why it's baffling that you wouldn't have an absolute record of when they were with you and when they were with your ex. The fundamental of both the CMS tribunal and CB claims is where the children were and when so your ex is bound to have an exact diary of it I bet.

family court is a new addition though - you said on the first thread there was no court order involved...

You can just make up a diary though and give yourself a few extra nights, so how would they even know?

By the way I’m not saying I would do this, I’m just asking how it works exactly, like do you submit just a written diary or 6 months of ring door bell footage which would be hundreds of papers long

So in my case, many years ago now, it was a simple diary, but mine was more detailed and therefore when there was a clash and mine said "Had kids. Swimming lessons 7pm" or "Had kids. X's birthday party 2pm" and I could therefore prove that I had them that day my ex had to concede that he had "made an error" on those dates. After the 7th/8th error on his part it was simply accepted that my diary was more accurate.

In the most recent case I helped out in the more honest parent had Ring doorbell details and had also taken daily photographs of the children at set times. They also had a meticulous diary of appointments and events. What made theirs even more credible was their diary acknowledged fully the times the children were with their ex.

Your ex has most likely kept detailed records. I’d expect it was one of the first pieces of the advice his solicitor gave him. I can’t imagine he’ll submit actual evidence for every day. But if you claim (even by accident) to have had them on a day his own records show he did, he may start looking for evidence.

One of the things the colleague I mentioned above was advised could potentially be used as evidence was a text message they’d sent to their child, saying they were putting a pizza in the oven and asking if they wanted to share.

With camera phones, ring door bells, and even social media it's much harder for people to fake details now.

And once someone is caught faking it once the rest of their statements are going to have much less credibility.

Well… for starters it’s fucking fraud

One of the things the colleague I mentioned above was advised could potentially be used as evidence was a text message they’d sent to their child, saying they were putting a pizza in the oven and asking if they wanted to share.

In one of the cases I helped in texts were a huge part of it.

Especially the "that's me outside" texts collecting the child from the other parent, and also social events. Also texts to their partner saying "sat nav says 6pm. Child wants X, I fancy Y, can you order/stick the oven on please"

also gps on the lads phones will show exactly where they have been if you had a parent that way inclined for proof. Check their Google locations and ping ping ping.

Get caught lying and the judge will have a field day giving the other party every single thing they want.

Given how hard OP has been trying to screw over her ex by making statements of, um, questionable veracity to CMS and the child benefits office, I'd put money on him having meticulous and verifiable records of exactly when the DCs gave been with him.

I would put money on it.

It will be the first thing he was told when he got legal advice.

Infact the phones being connect to the wifi at dad’s house will leave a trail. All lovely strong digital footprints.

Does he drive a fancy pants electric car. Often they have seat sensors recording passengers and some even have internal cameras. Since his a higher earner. Again easy to download the info of were the car has been as well such as school runs, hobby’s, clubs, children’s friends houses.