Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Op, maybe start redirecting all this effort into getting a job, or a better paid job. You are coming across as very grabby and just need to focus on sorting out your own finances, relying only on yourself. Stop looking for ways to lie/fiddle things to your benefit

People who keep saying I need to try to get myself out of this situation

@ProlongedAffair

Thanks for continuing to post in this thread. I've found it to be very interesting.

I do agree that you might as well continue this to conclusion. You've already lost the voluntary payments, one child benefit and the official CMS. You're going to lose the other child benefit and potentially have to pay him CMS if you sit back and do nothing.

With that being said, I don't think you've got much chance of winning.

Your best bet is to work on your relationship with the kids, get it back to true 50:50 and then resubmit a claim for one child benefit. I think that's the best you can hope for at this stage.

Thanks, exactly my point, there’s no point withdrawing my application or just giving him the child benefits! The best I can hope for is I get to keep the youngest benefit so I need to at least push back on it and challenge his claim.

That is NOT what they’re saying! They’re telling you to STOP!

@ProlongedAffair why, given that you do not have the children more than your ex, do you think you stand any chance of being given the child benefit for your youngest?! Previous posters have explained time and again that whoever had the child/ren more (even if it is only 1 night a month) would get it… you will not be allocated the money for your youngest just because you consider you ex to o my have them ‘slightly’ more than you do. All they will look at is the numbers, and the numbers say you have them less. You would be much better off putting your energy in to the time you have with your children, instead of trying to get as much money as you can from their father/child benefit

You expected to be automatically believed when you told CMS that you were doing more.

Fucking HELL.

The ONLY REASON he went after one CB is because you got greedy and wanted more of his money. The only way he could protect himself was to ensure he was deemed to be 50:50 by claiming one CB. He didn’t do it for the money or to spite you. He did it BECAUSE it was the only thing he could do to legitimise the FACT that he does 50:50. Well more actually.

and no. He isn’t behaving amicably is because when he was you leapt in and tried to grab more and stopped being amicable.

YOU caused this. Everything going wrong for you now is YOUR fault.

But all that time when you had then more, he paid. And you got the CB.

Now that he has them 50:50 things must change. You seem to think that because you used to have them more you should forever be paid what you were paid then. That’s such messed up thinking.

that’s like saying ‘I used to work full time and got paid for it. Now I’m part time but because I used to get a full time wage I think it’s unfair I don’t now’ 🫤

If anything, I think OP's ex needs to join Mumsnet.

There are a lot of women on here who could probably benefit from his insights about how to resist manipulation or taking any shite from greedy ex-partners.

Ok. But literally what would I gain by giving him the child benefits and not fighting him for it?? He’ll just open another child maintenance case against me. I may as well just battle him for it and hope they keep the second child’s award with me!

Thanks, exactly my point, there’s no point withdrawing my application or just giving him the child benefits! The best I can hope for is I get to keep the youngest benefit so I need to at least push back on it and challenge his claim.

You cannot challenge his claim though. Not without lying.

At least if you stop now you can apologise and hopefully redeem your relationship with your children. Something that you don't seem overly worried about.

But they won’t, because he has the children more

🤦‍♀️ are you not listening to anyone?!!!

Ok. But literally what would I gain by giving him the child benefits and not fighting him for it?? He’ll just open another child maintenance case against me. I may as well just battle him for it and hope they keep the second child’s award with me!

You'll not waste a load of energy, everyone's time (including the staff paid by the tax payer to judge your claims) and can move forward focussed on your children?

You cannot win this when the facts are that your children spend more time with him.

Are you even remotely sorry that you started this shitshow?

The OP now has nothing to lose by letting things play out. She will almost certainly lose the child benefit due to the disparity in overnights that had developed. If she sits back and does nothing, she will definitely lose the child benefit.

At least this way it will be an official decision.

exactly this!

Then why are you questioning everything and expecting an answer where you get what you want?

She's definitely going to lose the child benefit anyway.

She's further damaging her relationship with her children. For nothing.

Encouraging her to do so is really quite bizarre.

I just hope for the sake of the children this is actually a troll thread that's taken a lot of us in.

No one is encouraging her, though.

At this point, it’s her ex taking the actions (re the second CB). She has to respond with info but otherwise, she has to wait and see.

I will continue to update the thread as I have been doing, I’m sure it must be helping some women who are in these sorts of situations with the child benefit process, CMS, family court etc.

I can’t share the full details of the situation or my relationship with my ex as it would be too outing, I think I’ve already outed myself enough to be honest. The fact is currently he has had both children more, my eldest significantly more and my youngest slightly more, we will see what happens with the child benefit and who they side with. I’m working to redress the imbalance with my children.

I hope you get back to 50:50 with them both soon

Thanks, so do I. For the people who have private messaged me and haven’t replied or anyone reading this thread:

If you have 50/50, your ex does have a claim to your child benefits and in my case because we had two kids, they gave us one each. This will also open up a whole can of worms with CMS and family court too.

I still think I do more admin and I’m more of the resident primary parent (at least at the beginning of all of this) but child benefits don’t see it that way.

No one is encouraging her, though.

They are.

It's been very clear through both threads the OP will absolutely jump on any post that suggests she might win or is right to go on.

Given that it's absolutely akin to encouraging her and the OP should remember that there are people who post on Mn who will offer advice to continue an interesting thread rather than to do what's in her best interests.

She isn't going to win with CB unless she commits fraud. Which will result in CM die from her. She can't change that. She can potentially change the fact her children appear to be getting more and more away from her.

Given the OP's apparent difficulty in understanding her situation it's quite cruel for people to give her any hope of getting the outcome she wants.