Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Absolutely shocking. If I were him you’d never see a penny from me.

I’m not going to give you any advice OP because it’s pointless. I was just wondering, if you could go back in time to your first post on your last thread, knowing now that all the advice that you got from Mumsnetters turned out to be correct, would you still go after your ex for more money or would you take the advice and keep your mouth shut?

The past is the past. Stop looking back.

It doesn’t matter if you gave them a bloody kidney they don’t owe you and he does owe you.

All that matters legally is the now.

Right now you are the non resident parent. That’s all. Fact.

History changes nothing in these cases. You can’t and won’t win because he now has both children more than you. It doesn’t matter that you carried and birthed them it doesn’t matter that for the first 5 years you did 100% then 50% and now less than 50%.

Each section in time counts as its own it doesn’t build up as a debt owed to you because he was once shit.

All they the courts the cms care about is right now, and right now he has one child 80% so you owe maintenance and he gets CB, he has the other child 58% so again you owe maintenance and he gets CB.

If you had them 80 and 58 percent you’d be shouting about it being owed to you just as you were at 50%.

Time to reflect and maybe have someone to actually talk to because this level of believing your right when your wrong isn’t healthy your loosing your children over it. That should matter more than the money ever did.

And during those years he paid you more child maintenance that CMS told him he was meant to…

Which is why its right and fair that during those years you recieved both CB awards.

But now its changed and hes the main parent. And just as his financial situation improved while you were the main carer. Now he is you have the opportunity to improve your own career.

How is that not fair?

What has the past got to do with it?

When you were main carer, you got the money. You got the benefits and he overpaid child maintenance. Why do you think you’re entitled to that for eternity? You’re not.

You got it when you were the main carer. When care shifted to 50/50, you still were allowed to keep the benefits; he didn’t fight you for those. And he paid maintenance still. You were getting way more than you were entitled to because he was happy to keep helping. So you actually got extra; you weren’t entitled to any of that.

You screwed it up by being greedy and then ignoring every bit of advice you got.

Now he is claiming what he is entitled to. The past has nothing to do with it. You’ve had that money. No one is taking that money away from you; you’ve had it. All he is doing is taking away money that you are not entitled to. You are not the primary carer for either child, he has to fight to get it but he’ll get it and that is fair. You got the money for years when you were primary carer. That doesn’t entitle you to the money forever. You’re not primary carer, you tried to cheat the system to get more out of him and now you’re facing the consequences. He is taking the claims away from you because they’re not yours anymore and it is unfair if you keep getting them. The past has nothing to do with it.

The kids are older, they’ve seen their mum try to manipulate the system and cheat their dad. Sorry they don’t want to spent more time with you.

I do think you can be primary carer without having DC for more of the literal time, if you’re doing everything for them and all their vast amounts of life admin etc

That said, I would try to make an amicable agreement if he wants to, because it’s a high stakes game taking everything to tribunals.

Edit - I said if because I don’t have time to read the entire thread and back story.

She doesn’t do more than him. For some stuff, he actually does more. She has said this. Then continues banging on about how she does more… but she doesn’t. She is a fantasist.

No that’s why I said “if”.

But in theory a person can be.

With this OP, she will read your post and decide that it means she is 100% the main parent and doing more. You can’t talk in generalisations with this OP. She’ll cling onto it, and use it to make her situation even worse because she only listened to and replied to the posts she thought agreed with her.

I’m just going to see what happens next with this most recent claim to be honest I’m tired there’s so much paperwork involved and it all takes months and months

I’d suggest using this time to take a good look at your finances and figure out if you need to make any changes when you lose this child benefit and whatever maintenance he is still paying.

It is most likely that he will win here as he has both kids more than you do. He might not, you might get to keep the youngest, but just prepare for the worst. You need to make sure your financiers are in order so you can manage without it. Reduce any outgoings you can in preparation.

If you don’t actually need it and will be fine then it makes what you’ve done even more stupid. You’ve ruined a great co-parenting relationship and lost the contribution from a generous ex when you maybe didn’t even need to as you do earn quite well yourself.

You seem to be in the habit of blaming everyone but yourself. For months you’ve been ignoring everyone telling you to just stop punching yourself in the face, and now here you are having to live with the consequences of doing so.

He was paying maintenance during the time that you were primary carer, and in fact he was still voluntarily paying you maintenance when it switched to 50/50. You’ve already had more than what was owed to you.

The past is irrelevant, as is what you personally think to be fair. You haven’t been the primary carer for a while now, whether you choose to accept that or not. I’m also not sure why you’re so convinced that you did more admin, given that he was covering their private medical insurance and doing everything that came up during his time.

He’s got a very good chance of getting child benefit for DC2, and so on top of having to reimburse him for maintenance he overpaid, you’ll also have to pay maintenance. Start saving, I guess.

hes already got a maintenance case open for the eldest child, I’ve not paid anything, he’s said he doesn’t want any money. He can’t get any of the benefit money either. If I lose the benefit money then I’ll just have to cope but I’m still hopeful that because it’s only a slight split in his favour they may keep it with me.

But do you get that it’s not a ‘slight split’? If he has them 58% of the time, that’s 16% more than you - 5 days a month, over a year that would be 2 whole months which is not insignificant

Yes, because hoping has worked out brilliantly for you so far. He wouldn’t have opened a maintenance case if he didn’t want money. That you (stupidly) haven’t paid anything will cost you in arrears that I do not doubt he will pursue.

It isn’t a ‘slight split’, no matter how much you want to gaslight yourself into believing that. He has both of them for a solid majority of the time.

A slight split is still a split even though it isn’t slight. They don’t care what happened before they just want factual figures.

If dad has the boys 18 nights and you have them 13 then dad gets the money it’s really that simple. Cms isn’t there to do you a favour or be nice or be kind. It’s who had the most over nights. They are the main parent. Done.

You are still being too pig headed over money that you can’t or refuse to see you are pushing your children away from some senseless view that you deserve something you are not entitled too.

I am soooo confused. I think…
is OP taking any advice given onboard? Thinking at all of her kids? Or just grubby grabby? It’s baffling!

There’s literally no point because my ex has made it clear he will not be talking to me anymore, so there’s no point me sending him a message and there are several court cases, tribunals, claims and all sorts going on.

the best I can hope for is I get to keep the child benefit for the youngest child.

Can you imagine what it’s like having a conversation with her in person

No the best you can hope for is to have a relationship with your children still, currently that’s going down the pan.

From your own posts you are not entitled to CB or maintenance.

Surely the ‘best you can hope for’ is to spend quality time with your children and work back to 50/50 custody again? You haven’t once said anything about being upset at losing time with them, only the money you are missing out on…

If this thread is anything to go by, I’m really not surprised your ex-husband won’t talk to you anymore, it’s like banging your head against a brick wall

I know we can’t do a TAAT, but can we do a wee poll within the thread?
”thumbs up” this if you (too) think the OP is off her rocker on this & her ex sounds like a fucking saint!

WHO/WHAT are you answering?

I think op needs to spend some time with grippy socks. Because she’s making zero sense logically.