Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

What's safety got to do with allowing people to fraudulently claim money?

Truthful information? Will you send off the truth?

OP - the vast majority of your posts are just a set of questions. What is it you are you looking for? You have been advised to engage your own lawyer, he or she will
answer those questions specific to your case.

Op i understand your frustration as you’ve had years of being the main carer and have sacrificed climbing the career ladder while he’s been able to work longer and progress in his career and now you have nothing to show for it. However the child maintenance was going to stop eventually - If they’re spending less time at yours now then you need it less as you have less food and bills and activities to pay for. I think focus on you and perhaps using your more free time working a bit more or doing things to save money like batch cooking or sell things on Vinted or babysitting etc

i ask questions because I’m searching for advice from people who’ve been through this process themselves - does a few extra nights mean the benefit goes to the other person? That’s the sort of thing I am wondering.

anyway there’s not much point me replying to comments until I get the next outcome which judging by last time will be weeks.

You've very dismissive of his "few extra nights" compared to how strongly you felt your historic extra nights and current admin should mean you benefit.

And I know you say youre asking questions but over 3 AIBU people with various experiences of CB, CMS and coparenting all said "50:50 + 2xCB + £300 dont rock the boat best case youll end up with 50:50 + 1xCB" and now youve pushed so much youre facing 40:60 + £0.

But you dont seem to like the answers we've offered and at one point said why would you listen to strangers online. (Well you arent obliged to but you did ask) You listened to CMS who answered based on misinformation you provided. Who you also now blame.

But you asked us, and our opinions have been a pretty consistent opinion. The array of responses are pretty much the same, they've been proven right time and again. And many have also said, if you dont believe us, get proper legal advice - as the court is involved now. I dont think youre going to get an answer that this will go the way you want from anyone at this point. Best case is this is as bad as it gets. And honestly legal advice for a lawyer you pay is the best way to limit your damage at this point.

And again, it doesnt seem to be about less time with your children, which should mean you need less maintainence, but about the benefits.

My ex already said some months ago that it’s all going through court and lawyers from now on and he’ll no longer be amicable, so any private arrangement is no longer possible, that’s why I’m asking about next steps like this recent claim he’s put in for the youngest child.

If you want specific advice/experience about CB transference, you might want to start a thread with that title.

However, there is unlikely to be many posters in your situation, as I would imagine most separated couples with approx even childcare split would amicably agree that each gets one set of CB, so the situation wouldn’t arise

If he has DC2 58% how much does he have DC1? We need to know that to advise

He has DC1 80% of the time (since the March dates they’ve requested when I worked it out) because of his manipulation they’re now living with him the majority of the time and I only occasionally see them on weekends. I am working hard to redress this.

So how are you their primary carer?

Then yes, hes likely to get both CB payments.

From the get go, youve said 50:50 but its more 30:70 if you average the time of the two kids which makes you the "weekend" parent.

I really think you need to stop thinking in terms of MNs are wrong, CMS misled me, ExP is manipulating. These stances have seen you get in a worse and worse position.

And this ExP is manipulative is unfair to them. He was more than generous and you keep stamping your foot over "unfairness" and it seems to be pushing your kids away. You have to love them more than you resent their dad. You started this, so try talking to him. I understand you said he said no in June but youre so stubborn about the rest of this you could be stubborn in pursuing a better relationship with your ExP

Why would they average it out though and not just say, fair enough he gets DC1 and it’s so close percentage wise that ProlongedAffair keeps DC2? Surely they’d look at each individual child’s circumstances.

I’m not claiming I’m primary carer of DC1 now they’ve spent majority time with my ex, but I am contesting DC2.

People have been giving you accurate information since the beginning. You ignore it every time.

Yes, you look very likely to lose the CB for DC2 based on the figures for the last few months.

You've massively shot i in the foot by not taking the advice given, by opting to only listen to the one or two posters who agreed with you, and by not taking the chances to back down while you had them.

You should be preparing yourself that you'll have no CB going forward.
And he could claim for maintenance from you for both children.

But it’s not ‘so close’ really is it? The extra 8% isn’t just one extra night in the whole period, it’s 5 more nights than you a month… the numbers show he has both children more than you do, so he’s the one entitled to the child benefit. I’m struggling to see why you cannot understand this…

Even if they dont average it out, he has DC2 more of the time.

If they look at DC2 alone, theyre with their dad most. He is primary care, primary resident.

When you had 50:50 of both you argued you should get both but now he has 58% for DC2 you think he shouldnt get?

Its actually an extra 16%.

I meant 8% above the 50/50, but yes, you’re right! I did double check my maths for it equalling 5 nights though

When it was 50/50 you tried to claim you was the main career now it’s 58/42 your still trying to claim your the one who should get the credits.

How can both be right? His now doing over 50 for both children he is now the resident parent.

You made silly choices and lost a good co parent relationship over wanting more money. You’ve lost your children being 50% because you got greedy. Ones now 80% at his dads, you being a weekend parent because you wanted more money.

It’s not about fair it’s about legal. Legally your the visitor parent now based on time spent at each property.

Absolutely crazy to have done this much damage to your Co-parenting relationship when your kids are already teenagers.

And absolutely staggering that you still don't seem to be grasping it.

Op I cannot believe you have soured the relationship when your kids are almost out the door. No doubt your kids will one day learn about this.
What’s more is that, he seems like a very reasonable person. He paid you well for a very long time. You collected the CB as well.

You also got very stuck on the word primary carer. If you sat down and thought about how easily that’s rectified you would have given your head a shake.

I can’t imagine what pushed you to this very bad decision. Was it that your kids are almost 18 soon and you panicked?

I have been the main carer for years with him being a weekend dad, swanning off on holiday, building his career and all the rest of it. Kids are registered with me and I always took them to ever appointment, did everything with school until recently where they did 50/50 time but I still did more admin. Yes the kids have been staying more recently with him but before that I did basically everything, so to have my benefits taken that I’ve had for years and for him to stop paying maintenance I feel is wrong. Of course the kids already know about a lot of this, how could they not? My ex has effectively manipulated my eldest so they want to live with him.

My feeling from all this is that the focus is very much on the money & the illusional “primary carer” title, and not on the actual kids.
Mmind boggles, really.

People have told you many, many times - it doesn’t matter what has happened in the past, the current situation is that he has them both more frequently than you, which means he is the one entitled to the Child Benefit and maintenance payments (should he wish to go down this route) you could have previously had them 100 percent of the time, funding everything yourself with no support from him whatsoever, and the answer would still be the same - he is currently the resident/primary parent/main carer however you want to word it.

You really need to take a breath, let that all sink in, accept it, and try and make the best of it. You continuing to push this could result in you losing even more time with your children (which, surely, is more important than the finances) because they are more than old enough to see what it is that you are doing. Not once have you mentioned wanting more time with them, or that you are upset they are spending more time with their dad, just that you want the money…

CMS isn't a payment for sacrificing your career and doing childcare. You don't get paid to look after your own kids.

The money, and CB is supposed to be directly for the children's needs.

You are no longer the person bearing those costs.

It's clear from your posts that the money you got wasn't being spent on the children as if it was you'd just pass those costs to their current primary carer- which is their Dad.

As has been said many times though - none of that is relevant to the legal status of claims.

Benefits are based on who has the children more now. Not last year, or over the last ten years.

And you are still failing to recognise that you sparked this.

You were in a very good position where you had both CB claims and £300 a month from him when it was 50/50. You got greedy when you heard about his payrise and put in the CMS claim despite numerous people telling you it wouldn't work out well.

And now it seems like not only have you destroyed your co-parenting relationship, but you're allowing it to damage your relationship with your children.