DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

You need to tell her it's cancelled, she is beyond a CF, if you don't feel confident write down what you want to say and call her, say you DH is here listening and thinks I must have misheard that you didn't want our DS in his own home while she had a party for other children because he did not have an invite, or your DH should tell her. You need to just tell her straight, your son is your priority. Or you could just say after further thought I've decided to inform you that our property is for our family use only so kindly f off

Wow! That’s a new level of CF!

How very strange …

Glad she's seen sense but really, what an idiot she is.

If her son is actually negatively affected by your son's presence (which I'm betting he actually won't be and this is all in her head) it's because his lunatic of a mother has encouraged him to believe that he is her perfect little prince who must always win everything. If that's the case then she has failed as a parent, because there will be far worse disappointments in life than another boy being better than him at Quidditch on his birthday.

If she was worried about how the party being held at your house would affect her DS, why the hell did she ask if she could hold it there? Idiot woman.

she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Call her bluff. “Of course - quite understand that it would be better to host it elsewhere. Probably better for us in any case as we can now have our patio relaid/host MIL’s aerobics class/have a nude life drawing class in the garden instead. Hope your DS has a super day!” And then don’t answer your phone any further…..

Perhaps you could say the garden let for the party was the birthday gift, but no invite no gift so no use of garden.

I'm sorry you've been taken advantage of. Be very firm and clear otherwise she might still try to exclude him on the day.

If the party happens please bribe your son to attend in full sports uniform and make a grand entrance to music dribbling, tumbling, vaulting, whatever it is. Bonus invite a friend for your DS.

Cf is obviously a mner...

Ask if her brass neck had been weighing her down recently. Dare ya!!! 😅😅😅

In all honesty, she's probably right. It is a bad idea for her DS to have his party in the garden of one of his guests, and for it to involve an activity he's never done, could be rubbish at, and that your DS does well. I can imagine well how your DS could end up the centre of attention with the other boys and the birthday child be disappointed. But the time to think of that was before she accepted your offer, and then, realising she couldn't possibly expect DS not to attend, thank you and decline. Personally I'd be saying on reflection I agree it's a bad idea, and you should find somewhere else. If it goes ahead and your DS is there there's a good chance it won't go well, and I bet your DS will get the blame!

She has def back tracked and quite right too

tho agree about the insurance thing. Is it a dangerous sport - will you need extra insurance

Yes I understand what you mean. Maybe you should book it elsewhere after all, I won’t take any offense.

She is a serious cf. You/your oh have been way too generous offering it up. No good deed goes unpunished

Yes this. CF!!!!

Just wow. How on earth did this cf think this would go down with you. So selfish! This tops all those DD/DS party invite threads.

wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

In that case she should just find another venue!

Well done. She’s either backtracked because she saw your thread or someone she knows has.

This is actually disgusting.

Ok…now I have to know what the Mexican house thief is all about!? 🤔😂

So glad the party is going ahead with both boys taking part. With any luck neither of them will ever realise there was a hiatus.

She’s a total cf! Absolutely cancel!!!

I'd go back with something like "I'm still a little confused. It's always been our garden so this would always have been an issue and something for you to take into consideration when you chose whether or not to accept our offer"

Ahh the Mexican House Thief! Such fond, fond memories of the olden days 😂.

It was one comment on a cheeky fucker thread but someone somewhere always has it saved and comes up trumps. Alas that person is not me.

Remove the invite. Have you insurance for this party to be held anyway

Am only watching now in the hope that Op’s DH comes home and says ‘Eff that, she can have her party somewhere else!’

OP I would try not to pander to a ‘friend’ via an extra curricular activity. You genuinely will not know them in a few years once kids move onto different classes/levels/schools. It’s okay to explain to your DS that the mum misunderstood and wanted to use his garden and sports kit but didn’t want you all there (just lump yourselves together so it’s not about him). It’s okay to explain that sometimes grown ups are not nice or perfect and when they mess up it’s not about you or him.

I really would avoid hosting if possible not least because of the possible fall out if there are injuries on your premises, given you are not ensured and it is not ‘your’ party - and you are being expressly excluded.

Cheeky cow. Make the party the last time she sets foot in your house.

Well said!