DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

Good answer.

I genuinely struggle to believe this is real! Absolutely mental from that woman.

I think that if you let this party go ahead and your son has to look longingly out of a window like some orphan in a Christmas film waiting to find a family, you’ll be sending a terrible message that he’s far from your priority.

He can’t stand up for himself in this situation, so it’s your (and your husband’s) job. Don’t let this go ahead.

Take the shine off her DS??! Good grief, some people are bonkers.

I’d be telling her that she should be finding another venue then. The absolute cheek!

“I’m not going to tell my son not to play in his own garden. Given we’ve done this as a favour I don’t think inviting him would be too much to ask.”

What did you end up responding with, OP?

I’d say that your son thinks he is invited and would be very upset to have to remain indoors whilst a party he thought he would be attending is happening in his garden. Is she doesn’t respond with oh yes sorry how rude of me, then i’d be cancelling as she is very rude.

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Well if she's worried about that, she can go elsewhere.

Also, she was back pedalling and lying.

That's quite the backtrack!

Well done for standing up to her, OP.

It was a very kind offer and she's made things needlessly awkward.

What an absolute cheeky fucker.

Omg! I can't believe the mum.
Please don't back down. Your home is your child's safe place. Never give compromised by a mad woman and a birthday party
Good luck!

I bet she has seen the thread!!!

Well done! I don’t think I’d have known what to say. What an awful woman. I’d get the party out the way, but be putting some distance between us after that.

Well done OP!

When I saw this thread title I was ready for another ‘my little Larry and Barry from his class have openly despised each other for three years. Larry hasn’t been invited to his party, should I text the Mum?’ But, no, this situation is completely mental. She wins CF of the week for sure. 🎖

WTAF??!! I can't believe this OP. You are offering your garden and equipment for free and she wasn't going to invite the boy who actually lives there??
This would leave a very bad taste in my mouth but I personally wouldn't have offered in the first place.

Alternative answer:

"No, it's not OK to exclude James from a party that we are letting you host in our garden. That is an absolutely outrageous thing to suggest. You have no right to say that James is not invited to an event that is taking place in his own home. Since I don't want him to feel hurt and embarrassed, I am giving you the opportunity to withdraw your request, we can forget this conversation ever happened and I won't mention it to anyone else. Otherwise, the deal is off and you will need to find another venue for your party."

Ask what is she suggesting you do with your child it’s not really fair he gets to watch from a window 🙀if she still has a problem say that will be fine she will need to find a different venue as obviously you were doing her a favour but not at the detriment of your own child she’s being massively unfair hear let her use a local park

I actually think I would say it doesn't suit any more as we are having the garden covered in fertiliser. Which i would absolutely arrange to be delivered just in time.

Please, please don’t blame it on insurance or anything you’ve done/ not done. You will only end up indebted to this absolute CF. And she will still slag you off for offering a favour without having all the appropriate measures in place.

This is a rare situation where you can just let her explain herself - and you will only come out of this looking good.

I’m in complete agreement with PP who’ve said you shouldn’t have to beg for your son to attend a party for his friend in his house using his equipment. Everyone will be able to see that xx

she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

That is what she said though isn't it?

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead.

I imagine she was hoping that you would say of course you understood & would make sure that your son wasn't there.

For me the best reply now would be that as it all seems quite awkward now (& she'd obviously prefer your son to not be there) it's best if she finds elsewhere.

I don’t understand the number of people on this thread saying give her a “get out clause”. That’s why CFs are CFs. People don’t call them out so they continue to try to get away with it. I’d have pulled the plug immediately and made it clear to everyone I know why I did that. It’s the only way they learn.

Just when I thought I had heard it all!!! This can surely go on the 'CF Story of the Year' thread.

Absolutely unbelievable! The bloody cheek!

Btw you were very kind to even offer your house as a venue in the beginning. Pleeeeease make sure she clears up after the party and doesn't leave you to do it!

I bet she did backtrack quickly -she must have shit herself when your message came through and she was potentially losing her free venue!!!