DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

She's a total weasel. Weaseled her way into having her son throw his birthday in your garden, tried to weasel your son out of the party, now trying to weasel back into your good books only long enough to have the party. Then she'll be on her weasely way. Honestly I'd cancel just so she doesn't benefit from her weasely ways.

omg that is unbelievable.

You have to say:

I'm so sorry but it would really upset DS and it is his friend and his house, so yes, it would be awful if he had to stay inside the house. I'm not sure how you thought that would work. If you don't want him there, then I'm sorry but you'll have to do it elsewhere. That would also upset him now though. I think he should just come and I'll have a word with him to try not to dominate.

but truly I'd hate having her there now, and the party. Awful.

Stick up for your son OP don’t be passive! Hes either invited or party is off. I cannot believe the people on here who are walked over by CFs!! And in your own son’s house, no way :(

Here you go 😆

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1735637-Have-you-ever-encountered-anyone-this-cheeky?page=6

Can't believe the cheeky cow's first thought was to ask you to exclude your DS! If she really thought your DS would outshine then she should have politely declined and found another venue.

My usual caveat - haven't read all thread but have read all the OP.

I have a sort of sneaking sympathy for the mum. She's keen for her DS to follow his passion and use your generously offered facilities, but anxious that he won't be seen as the party boy if your DS takes over because of his presumably higher expertise.

Would it be possible to explain this to your DS, and clarify that it is CFDS special day and you are hoping that your DS will be able to be a lovely host and support CFDS in feeling special and having a lovely day, even though you and your DS both know that he is far better at this activity? Help him to support CFDS and big him up, a bit?

This is just too extraordinary for words and that’s saying something on this forum.

How a mother can have thought your DS should not have been invited and her DS could have had his party on your property is beyond comprehension.

She might have back tracked but boy it’s way too late. What an awful position she’s put you in as I can understand that you don’t want to ruin her son’s party but she really should be making alternative arrangements.

Isn't it just awful that that the OP's family came down with norovirus and had to cancel all visitors....

What's going to happen though if one of the other DC's is naturally good at the activity? Especially if it is a popular activity, maybe more than one will be better at it than the birthday boy.

Good Lord, I've heard it all.
She is absolutely not doing her DS any favours by turning his party into something so competitive..
She's the sort of Mum who puts her 10yr old son into a football class for 7 year olds just so that he'll be the best.
Outrageous and Selfish arse.
I'm glad you tackled her.

Totally agree - bet she saw her free venue which had been kindly offered as a favour disappearing for her child because of her appallingly rude behaviour. The absolute brass neck of her..

Oh my god.
I've heard it all now.
Cancel it all.
Cheeky mare.

How plausible is her excuse, OP? Is there any way to reread her original message in the way she now claims she intended it?

Not that it makes any difference to the party, but it might be inform the way you treat moving forward.

Wow, oh wow. Was she hoping your DS would just go out for the day even though there’s a kids party at his house? And that she’d have free run of your house and garden to herself? 🤣

I get overprotective mothers (I am one too) but surely by that age he’ll have learnt that others might be better at some things than he is. They aren’t toddlers anymore. If they’d gone to laser tag or paintball or something for his birthday instead and your son won that, would it have ruined his birthday too?

Glad for your son’s sake that she’s backtracking now OP. Most likely it’s that her son is worried that he could look inept in front of other friends he wanted to impress (maybe new friends/slightly older lads?) compared to your DS, and for some reason his Mum decided to come to you rather than reassuring her son that it shouldn’t matter/will just be some fun. Hopefully it was just a one off from her and she’s not normally like this.

She is unreasonable - you are not.
After all, your son is one of the hosts for her son's party. Of course the host gets to be present - and thanked.

Thankfully it has worked out some what.
I think that is the best outcome for your son.

Good on you, Op, for keeping your cool.

I agree. Your son doesn't need to be invited... its his garden! She'll just have to get over it.

@idontunderstandwhy so have you cancelled it or not?

This would make me really wary about letting her use the garden, equipment and facilities and the respect she is going to show for them and potentially what state they may be left in after.

most people would be falling over themselves to be grateful for you kind offer, so inviting your son, being careful over property, cleaning up after and not putting you to any trouble at all etc. the fact that she hasn’t invited your son shows she doesn’t appreciate your offer to these levels. I’d be even more worried as now effectively becuase she’s agreed for your son to go she may feel that she’s the one that’s doing you a favour rather than the other way round and the potential implications of that

I agree. Also, her son is only 8. This is an opportunity for her to build her son's self esteem and teach him it's more about experience and efforts than competition.

If she is that worried than they have to do something else.
Or she can teach her son that it's not all about shine, it's not a competition. This activity is for him to have fun.

I think I'd reply to this "You know your DS best so we'll totally understand if you'd prefer to make other arrangements."

Are you adequately insured and risk assessments in place?