DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I would say to her that you assumed as allowing her to have a party at yours - free of charge using expensive equipment and her son was a friend of yours - that your son was automatically invited

and wait for the reply

Time for white lie
Oh, Ms CF, interesting news …. I
contacted our insurer - cannot loan out as party venue.
there is an insurance cost of £100 you will need to pay

or
DC friend has become ill with mycoplasma infection, he was playing at our grass garden and now we need to treat the grass with a chemical … can Not be played in for X days

etc

Just to be clear ds know when party is and thinks he’s invited (as we assumed he was), he’s excited.
I wasn’t planning on telling him he wasn’t invited and if we cancelled he would be upset

I can see why you wouldn't want to cancel for this reason. You need to say exactly this to the mum. It is very unreasonable for her to expect your son to have a party going on in his own garden and not be invited.

Just to clarify, she's not paying anything for using your space and equipment? If she not, you'd think the least she could do is invite your son!

If she is paying though, she's effectively hiring the space and equipment and I think that's different.

Assuming it's the former, could you surprise her with an invoice since it comes at the expense of your son being able to use an area of his house and facilities?

My response would be along the lines of ‘wow, do you really think that’s an acceptable way to treat a child?’

Wow I’ve seen some cheeky things on here but this absolutely takes the piss on several levels !

Cancel .. tell her to F O..
Then ask your son if he would like to invite some friends round to do the sport with him .

This HAS to take the biscuit in cheeky fuckery here. (And I was on the Mexican house thief thread!)

OP you would be doing your son a disservice by letting you and your family be walked all over here. You made such a kind offer to this woman and now.. what, she wants you to just not be there? She's got more brass neck than a 10 piece band!

Does your insurance cover her party ? Because if not that's reason enough to cancel or she will be claiming for all sorts

Send her a link to this thread - she's CF of the month

Actually I agree with @ScoobyBooby - this isnt cheeky fuckery this is absolute PISS taking!

Invite 20 of DS close friends round for the afternoon to arrive half an hour before her party is due to start. The kids will probably love it but the mum would be furious.

I would cancel and I wouldn’t be shy in telling EVERYONE why. Don’t let her paint you and your son as the bad ones!! Nobody in their right mind would disagree with you!!!

Or, ‘No, that’s not happening. Either DS is a welcome guest in his own home or you find another venue’.

Absolutely not - I think you are being very generous to ask her to reconsider and still host the party. Definitely cancel it if she does not accept your more than generous offer.

Absolutely not! She's out of her mind and bloody rude. Tell her it's off because of her decision. Cheeky cow!

Not RTFT but has the question of insurance come up? If it’s your child’s party and someone is injured your own insurance will cover it. If an unknown child is injured whilst at a party on your property you would have a job convincing your insurers that the host didn’t pay to hire the facilities.

This reply is great. Maybe mention "while his friend's party" is going on rather than just "a party" to spell it out to her (as she has no common sense) how awful it would be for your son.

Alternative reply:

DS was looking forward to co-hosting Oliver's party - but congratulations on finding another venue.

This

As pp has said - are you insured for this kind of thing. What is one of the kids has an accident using whatever the equipment is?

Hahahaha that would be hilarious.

That's a brilliant idea. The children will want to gatecrash the party 😁

I think you just go back and say something like "I'm not sure how to reply to this. You can't be expecting an 8 year old boy to stay in a house and watch his friend have a party in his own garden, whilst not being able to join in? And you're surely not expecting we just vacate our house for the day!" Leave it to her to explain what she thinks is reasonable here!

This! I can't believe people like that exist. So kind of you to let her use your garden etc too!