Stepdaughter and holiday

[Tinogirl]

My stepdaughter has no interest in having a relationship with my daughter. There is 18 months between them.

She rarely stays with us so my husband takes her for a meal in the week and collects her from events/hobbies etc. He also stays with her at MiL’s every month or so.

She has been on holiday with us twice in 7 years on both occasions to The States. On the second occasion she refused to share a room with my daughter. When we go on holiday as a family husband will then take her on a separate holiday, on occasion they are joined by their extended family.

My daughter and I sometimes go away with my mother and sometimes we are joined by one of my brothers and his family, my husband doesn’t ever want to join us.

This year my daughter and I are going to see cousin in The States on our own and my husband and I are going away again to The States on our own. This is being tacked onto a work trip. Stepdaughter wants to come on this trip. I have said no but husband says she can come. It will be a rare opportunity for us to be together and the dynamic will change if she is there. I would also then feel guilty about my daughter. Husband argues that my daughter will be at school but stepdaughter has longer holidays.

Stepdaughter’s mother has said that if she can’t go with us just because my daughter isn’t there it will look as if we only invite her to be a babysitter for my daughter. That has never been the case.

Step-daughter has many holidays and enjoys quite a privileged life with her mother.

It sounds like for DH if his DD doesn’t go on hol, neither does he so this won’t work.

I don’t really get why so many are focused on DSD, this is a marriage issue. It sounds like DH avoids hols with OP.
cos the natural answer to ‘we are going to x’ was oh it’s for DW work trip no kids can come.

And that’s after you ask why he even told her in the first place, maybe he actually invited DSD.

It’s a strange set up and if OP I’d be out of there for my DD sake

From what OP has said (and other threads) she barely sees DSD, DH sees her in the week, has her at MIL house and extended family functions often exclude OP and/or DD.

It’s very sad but this DH doesn’t seem vested in the marriage, is this why you wanted a couples hol? A kind of 1 off?

Op, channel your inner Zammo and just say no. It's a work trip not a family holiday.

Not sure you actually watched Grange Hill! 😂

If you read the thread you would know that the dh was never with dsds mum.

Are you saying that the DSD cannot be resentful that dad lives with another woman and child because her parents never did?

TBF I don’t think the DSD sounds jealous or resentful, DH clearly priorities her over them anyway only OP and DD seem unhappy with the arrangements.

Sums it up

It's the OP business trip and she is inviting her DP along. It wasn't for him to extend an invite to his DC.

If DH prioritises DSD over OP and her DD then why does OP need to prioritise her DSD over her own daughter?

Surely each parent has the right to prioritise their own child? Ergo, DSD goes on holiday with her dad and OP says no to DSD joining her work trip when her own DD can’t join.

Where did I say OP should prioritise DSD over her DD?what makes you think I think that OP shouldn’t prioritise DD?

in fact, I do believe I said earlier that I would have been gone cos I wouldn’t put my child through this, i.e I would prioritise them over my marriage.

DSD isn’t the issue here, it sounds like DH won’t go away without his DD. Which is his prerogative.

TBH it doesn’t sound like he wants to spend time with OP