Wanting to look good and be a 10/10 girl? Men specifically?

[ThisChic]

People always criticise others for caring about their looks, but let's face it, we all appreciate beauty and strive to look our best.

I feel as though most women can be seen as '10/10' if they have good hygiene and skin/make up, i.e the whitened teeth, hair extensions, glowy fake tan, slim and big breasts.

I feel like I have a few obvious flaws; small boobs is the main one, but also teeth and hair that could be 'glowed up'.

I see that 95% of the women on TikTok on Instagram with 100 - 500k followers are just slim, tanned women with big boobs. All different facial features, but heavily made up, thin and big boobs.

Am I being unreasonable to want to make myself look hotter by fixing my flaws?

I would make any decision for surgery for myself anyway, but I just wonder what peoples' thoughts are!

Why do you keep saying women hate a woman saying she wants to look good?

You haven't listened to a word anyone says. You're insecure and vain and if you have a boob job you'll just fixate on some other body part.

I think some women just hate the fact that a woman can admit that she wants to look good.

Between this and your very reductive and rigid view of what men like but are ‘too nice to say’ your biggest issue is serious internalised misogyny.

No one on here has said they hate women admitting they want to look good. What they hate is that you - and society to a large degree - define looking good by how desirable you are to men and anyone challenging that must just be jealous or bitter right?

You sound much younger than 30 in your posts and in your view of the world. I truly hope that you do start therapy before surgery because you deserve to feel valued and validated for more than body parts or what men want to do to them.

I think you are living a half life @ThisChic in the hope that when you get the implants and are "beautiful" (you do talk about wanting to look beautiful in several posts) Unfortunately no surgery will make anyone "beautiful", certainly not to all men. Beauty is much more nebulous than that and certainly in the eye of the beholder, however much of a cliche that is.

My fear for you is that you'll get the implants, nothing much will change in your life (because you will still be highly self critical and unconfident) and you will move on to some other "inadequate" body part. That seems to happen with a lot of people who have surgery and I honestly think that you would be particularly vulnerable to it.

I'm invested in this thread and read all the responses. Nobody has an issue with you wanting to look your best, but you are obsessed with this view that men prefer large breasts, and even if they don't voice it they secretly think it. Your responses are becoming more and more frustrating as despite many people telling you this isn't the case, you won't listen to any of it . I would get off social media for your own good as it's clearly feeding this distorted view you have.

Too late to edit but I'm over twice your age OP and this thread has made me think about my young adulthood, no "tweakments", no gym and certainly no plastic surgery which was the preserve of the very rich and very famous. I can't but think we were better off when all you could (or were expected to do) is dress for your figure, diet and exercise if you needed and a face full of makeup if you wanted.

Tiktok is not real. Porn is not real. Instagram is not real. Your life is real and there will be men out there for whom you will be perfect as you are, if you stop the introspection and start living.

But you have a very narrow, fixed view of what "looking good" means. It doesn't actually match what most men find desirable in a partner.

I didn't say all I said some.

I think most people are vain to a degree. It isn't my entire life.

But @ThisChic it is stopping you living your life, it is holding you back and that is different.

Yes of course you should want to look good because as much as many try to fight it aging is inevitable and if all you have is how you look it is a very sad way to be

you need therapy not plastic surgery

@Catwoman8 Nobody has an issue with you wanting to look your best, but you are obsessed with this view that men prefer large breasts, and even if they don't voice it they secretly think it. Your responses are becoming more and more frustrating as despite many people telling you this isn't the case, you won't listen to any of it .

I did agree and give thanks to lots (probably most) of the posts from users telling me that not all men like large breasts and that large = beautiful.

I can accept on a logical level that this is true. I did listen to what people said.

I then tried to explain that while I can accept logically that what people say is correct, I can't instantly change how I feel about my breasts.

I also didn't phrase my original post very well.

Becuase @ThisChic that is it is a nutshell you are hoping that if others find your body atttactive it will help you find acceptance in yourself. That if somehow you have the body you see as being the best in social media it means you have to accept it

and that is why plastic surgery won’t help - as much as you hope others thinking it will help until you work out a way of accepting your body or at least given your history tolerate it it won’t help. Confidence and self belief are such drivers of what others find attractive until you get that it simply won’t help.
which is why therapy is needed

As much as I voted that OP is BU, this stood out.. What’s over? Maybe for you but I feel better than ever in my mid 40s as do many women.
More confident, chatted up more, more dates, better appearance, more attention from passers by etc

Look, the only common opinion heterosexual men have about breasts is that they like them. Aside from that every single man has different preferences on the type that they find most attractive.

I've been out with women who have big ones and small ones, and appreciated both. My only real requirement for an attractive pair of breasts is that they be attached to someone I fancy. And they have never been the reason that I fancied someone.

Large breasts have one advantage(?), and thats they are more noticeable. Yes, I may initially notice a woman because of her boobs, (and the tiktok incels may pause their scrolling because of them) but that doesn't mean I'll find the person any more attractive over someone with smaller ones.

I think that was in response to the OP listening to incels opinions, that poster was saying why are you even listening to those losers who think women are over the hill at 30.

What I meant by that is that most I know over 30(ish) are less interested in what others think of their appearance, and therefore are less interested in “striving to look their best.”

Based on those I know of a similar age, the days of trying to get male attention, or spending hours on a morning doing hair/make up to “look their best,” are over.

Personally I’m in my oversized t-shirts and messy hair era. I am far too busy (and tired!) to be putting effort in every day, and I genuinely couldn’t care less how they presents to the general public or the male population.

I guess it depends where you are in life, when I was busy raising small kids in my 30s and I had a partner then this stuff didn’t even register to me but many couples seperate and/or have older kids in 30s and 40s and we find ourselves again. You make it sound like it’s all over for everyone at a certain age.. and a young age at that.. I think you are just projecting how you personally feel. My friends in their 40s and 50s are having more fun than they ever have and take more care of their appearance now.

No she was being serious 😆 she thinks she is over the hill at 35 and trying to bring other women down with that negative attitude.

Yes exactly. And there isn't that moment when you officially turn 30 that you suddenly turn grey and wrinkled 😂 Most 30 somethings don't look much different to in their 20s, unless they've had a tough life.

Not that there is anything wrong with ageing.

Which is ridiculous considering that it's sometimes very hard to tell how old someone looks. There are 40 year olds who look younger than people in their early 30s. There are 18 year olds who already look late 20s.

It depends on your facial features, skin (genes) and of course how you take care of yourself.

Actually I don’t think that is true I think once you hit 40 you can tell you have - there are subtle signs of aging you can see on any post that asks you to age them - you can’t out run the process. That said the predilection for plastic surgery when young does age you

It’s not negative to be comfortable in your own skin and not seek male validation to justify that.

On the occasion I do make an effort, it’s absolutely never for the benefit of a man seeing it.

I expect people, men included, to take me as I am, in whatever format that is, and would absolutely never dream of have cosmetic surgery to attract male focus or to meet any sort of societal “demand,” because they’re of absolutely no importance to me.

I’ll leave that there I think!

You probably can by 40, but the extent of it does vary from person to person. Some people "don't look their age", others look it, others more.

But you're right, nobody at 40 looks 25!

I think the perception of 40/50/60/70 has changed my mum at 72 when I compare to my Nan is loads fitter and younger. We think people don’t look their age because we are stuck with an odd perception filter of age

DH is practically the same age that my grandparents were when I was born but looks so much younger than they do but he looks older than he did in his 20s and 30s

I can definitely see the difference between me now and when I was in my 20s and 30s as well

the strange trend nowadays though is to look older than you are

@Tiswa I think some late teens/people in their 20s actually look older with lip filler and too many other fillers in their face. Healthier lifestyles and overall more comfortable lives have probably contributed to lots of people looking younger now compared to people 50 years ago.

The average 50 year old today probably looks younger (less wrinkled skin, overall more youthful looking) than the average 50 year old 100 years ago...

I honestly think that only applies to white people. There are Black/South Asian/SE Asian women in their 40’s who look about 25. The signs of ageing you’re referring to tend to hit other races considerably later than 40, in my experience.

I agree. And I also think some white people do look significantly younger, depending on face shape, skin etc, largely genetic but also to do with taking care of yourself.