Wanting to look good and be a 10/10 girl? Men specifically?

[ThisChic]

People always criticise others for caring about their looks, but let's face it, we all appreciate beauty and strive to look our best.

I feel as though most women can be seen as '10/10' if they have good hygiene and skin/make up, i.e the whitened teeth, hair extensions, glowy fake tan, slim and big breasts.

I feel like I have a few obvious flaws; small boobs is the main one, but also teeth and hair that could be 'glowed up'.

I see that 95% of the women on TikTok on Instagram with 100 - 500k followers are just slim, tanned women with big boobs. All different facial features, but heavily made up, thin and big boobs.

Am I being unreasonable to want to make myself look hotter by fixing my flaws?

I would make any decision for surgery for myself anyway, but I just wonder what peoples' thoughts are!

To be honest I don’t really go out to bars/clubs and I don’t meet up with any dating app matches. I don’t really feel like it.

It's a hell of a lot cheaper (and less risky) than plastic surgery, so could save you loads of money if it turns out you don't decide to have surgery after exploring things in therapy.

You're being a mad person.

Yes it does run deeper for you, to the point where it’s unhealthy and there’s a very high risk that once you do have the boobs, you’ll fixate on something else. Therapy will be a lot more beneficial for you in the long run. Cheaper too.

I think you come across as quite a nice woman and intelligent and thoughtful. Don't listen to any unpleasant comments on here . I dont think you deserve that 🫂

The OP comes across as someone vulnerable, impressionable, very psychologically young for her 30 years, and in desperate need of intensive therapy. Absolutely there’s every possibility that she’s also terribly nice, but that’s not the first thing that jumps off the page.

It just runs deeper for me. I just hate my breasts and if I did date a man who said he liked them, I just couldn’t truly believe him. I’m just being honest

That's sad tbh.

A lot of men just like boobs, full stop.

A lot of men are looking at the overall package.

I've been with a man who described my small bust as "just the right size". We were finished and there was no prospect of us getting back together, he had no need to flatter or lie. As I said, he went on to marry an Asian lady so that's probably the body type he likes.

I've been with a man, as I mentioned, who talked about his relative indifference to boobs and his ass fixation. He liked them but they weren't remotely a big deal to him.

It's perfectly possible you could meet a guy who genuinely thinks smaller boobs are attractive, and he wouldn't be lying.

I think the overall package is important to a lot of men.

Op, these two men are among the most successful & prominent porn actors in the industry.

They are both attractive, hung, millionaires and "alphas" within their industry.

They are surrounded in a daily basis by porn actresses with natural and fake big boobs; but these women are their choice of wives.

("James Dean" and Stoya are now divorced due to his behaviour, but that's an aside to the point I'm making it this thread).

Okay I’m no therapist or psychologist, but I’m gonna take a swing at this. Have you dated someone who has absolutely wrecked your self esteem? Particularly in relation to your looks? I only say this as this screams somebody else has put this notion in your head for some reason. Apologies if I’m way off the mark here.

If I am at all close you don’t have to say anything, I don’t need the validation, but if I am he only did this BECAUSE he thought you beautiful (and yes sexy!), and this is a peculiar pathology to abusive and shitty men to make you more susceptible to control, manipulation and less likely to stray. It all comes from HIS weaknesses not yours.

Most of us men aren’t like that. We want to build our women up and make them feel like they look like a million bucks. The same way most good women make us feel. I promise you, you are enough…

Well when I look around the gym these days, that’s certainly not the look, most women now have got toned bodies thanks to the hard work in the gym and small or normal
size boobs, big boobs on a slim woman in real life just look odd and fake anyway
Think you need to get off social media and realise it’s all filtered and fake, try the gym , most woman want big glutes now not big boobs.

The more you say, @ThisChic, the more you convince me that you have a disordered view of your body - like when you had anorexia, but now it is more dysmorphia, because you are fixated on the size of your breasts.

@WhenYouSayNothingAtAll is right, I think - if you get your boob job, you will end up fixated on something else, because the problem may well be in your mind, not your body. As she said, therapy would be better and cheaper.

My mental illness tells me, on a daily basis, that I am ugly and unlovable, have no value and no-one wants me in the world. I have to work at convincing myself this is all a lie, and that the world wouldn't be a better place if I was not in it - so I do understand how hard it is, when your own mind lies to you. But I do think your mind is lying to you when it tells you that you won't be attractive, either for yourself or to men, unless you have bigger boobs. I might be wrong, but wouldn't it be better to have the therapy first, so that, if you do go ahead with the boob job, you don't find yourself a couple of years on with your mind lying to you again, and telling you that you need more cosmetic surgery, because you are unattractive?

Thank you. I think some women just hate the fact that a woman can admit that she wants to look good.

Of course if you think looking good is the only and most important thing in life then that's an issue, but there's nothing wrong in caring about your looks/figure in general.

Why would caring about what I look like and wanting future boyfriends/dates to find me attractive, and also being vulnerable/insecure, automatically make a 'not nice' person?

No. Why would it be? I'm not the first woman to feel like this.

@StrawberryDream24 I really like the actress in green's hair colour. Who is she? I might be asking my hairdresser for this shade 😅

@Dervel Have you dated someone who has absolutely wrecked your self esteem? Particularly in relation to your looks?

Thanks so much for this post. I can see why you think that. There are men who are 'neggers'.

In answer to your question above, actually no - I've only had one long term relationship and several shorter term boyfriends. None of them have ever had any complaints about my body.

But I just thought that men who are nice won't tell the truth, so I just assumed that they must be secretly disappointed with my breasts!

What has wrecked my self esteem about my body is the constant hype and praise surrounding big boobs in the media, on social media, etc....

The only direct insults about my breasts I can think of are from an overweight and spotty teenager (sorry to be mean there, but I don't think he's exactly an endearing character!), who, when I was underweight, wearing a summer dress, shouted, 'pancakes!' to me. I actually walked up to him and his friend and told them to scrub a mirror before they criticised and woman's looks....His friend started saying, 'oh no I didn't say that, I actually think you're really pretty', so I just walked away. Of course I didn't care what teenagers think, but I did kind of see that as an instance of them just saying what 'most other men really think'.

That was years ago though. I was still underweight then and just recovering from anorexia. I've been a healthy weight and not quite as small chested, but still small, as then.

But once again thank you for your post. x

Well I’ll say I’ve never yet seen any well done or tasteful implants yet.. they either sit too high or look too big, you can also spot them a mile
off on anyone , but go ahead if you think that will end all
your problems .

@dollyblue01 big boobs on a slim woman in real life just look odd and fake anyway

Thanks, you're right obviously glutes are in right now.

Some women are very thin and naturally have big boobs, maybe it does look disproportionate but some men still think that's 'perfect'.

It's hard to tell whose boobs are real, and whose are fake, on social media because push up bras change how they look.

I have taken breaks for social media, I'm not currently using it.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius My mental illness tells me, on a daily basis, that I am ugly and unlovable, have no value and no-one wants me in the world.

Although I don't know you I can tell you that that isn't true, because nobody is objectively ugly and everyone is lovable. I'm glad you've had help for your problems.

I do have a difficult relationship with my body and if I did seek therapy, it wouldn't just be overnight. Private therapy is really expensive and I can't afford it until next year....just in the same way I said I couldn't afford implants until next year if I did decide to get them.

What has wrecked my self esteem about my body is the constant hype and praise surrounding big boobs in the media, on social media, etc...

But some of what you are seeing is the echo chamber effect of social media.

I see very little such hype about big boobs. You are obsessing over it, and that is feeding what you are viewing online and serving you more and more content that compounds your feelings.

You need to get offline! Develop some hobbies that aren't related to your appearance or men's views of female physique and stay away from insta/tiktok and all that rubbish. Its designed to reel you in.

I have seen well done implants, there are more bad ones than good ones out there though that is true!

But absolutely I don't think that they will solve all my problems.

Some women are very thin and naturally have big boobs, maybe it does look disproportionate but some men still think that's 'perfect'.

Some men think curvy hips and bum is perfect. Some men think straight up and down with a small bust is perfect. Some men prefer a taller lady, some like a petite. Some barely notice your body because your humour & kindness does it for them.

There's no one perfect, you'll never achieve something that's universally acknowledged as "the best" or most likely to be perceived as sexy because it doesnt exist, different men like different things.

You are chasing an imaginary goal and all its doing is wrecking your self esteem. Love the body you are in.

If you do go back on SM, ideally set up a new account. Don’t list fashion/makeup/beauty as your interests either. Otherwise you’ll be going back to the same old algorithms and you’ll once again be bombarded with messages that you don’t need to hear. Part of why you’re so convinced you’re right and that it’s “everywhere” is because that’s what your SM is due to your viewing habits and more and more gets added and generated for every view.

The thing is, having a long term plan/view of I’m saving to improve the way think and to love and appreciate myself for who I am in order to improve my life is 100000x more beneficial (even if not happening soon) than I’m saving to modify my body because I hate the way I look and won’t believe anyone telling me otherwise, until that happens.

It sounds ridiculous probably, but just that simple change in mindset will help you so much more.