DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Obviously I’m over the hill at 65 - but honestly. He’s going to have to do a bit more grovelling ….. ! You had a lovely day, he sounds thoughtful and kind.
If your boyfriend was my son, I’d be devastated for him.

Gosh! I mean this kindly…

Please work on your self esteem, you don’t need external verification from anyone.

It would appear you really like this guy and he sounds like a keeper but keep behaving the way you are and you might regret it. I personally would run a mile from your neediness but I expect that’s because of your low self esteem and insecurities.

I would start by deleting all social media and concentrate on getting a life without reliance of validation from social media.

I find this thread so strange

The last few of your posts don't paint you in a great light either OP

Ok I get it now. You have self esteem issues and need external verification. You should if possible try to draw back from social media and just enjoy the relationship.

I cringe when I see people on FB wishing their partners a happy birthday or anniversary. Same as I cringe when people post a "well done" fb kids to their kids for a good parents evening/sports day. It's just a "look at me" boasting post. I mean they live in the same house, I'm sure they've already said it f2f.

There is genuinely no need to put it on fb other than for attention and likes.
I think it says a lot about the person who posts that sort of stuff and I can totally get why your DP doesn't want to.

What an insufferable attitude. Sorry to be rude, but what the hell? God I hate influencer culture - makes people behave like tossers. Yes I am old enough to be OP’s mum but I hate this sort of manipulative crap.

I know a couple where one partner is horrible to the other one nearly all the time. Undermining, threatening, humiliating. So much anger, distress and misery. Yet every Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s Day… up pop the media posts of them smiling and congratulating each other with comments such as “best wife in the world” “I love you more and more”.
it means absolutely nothing.

I think you're being very childish. He made your day very special and you got the hump over him not posting on social media... I'm not surprised he went home.

Don't worry about it If all this is your normal behaviour I don't think many men will be bothering with you .

Is this real? You seem to be assuming that he's going to want to grovel. You seem very sure of yourself.

Surely it can’t be real.

Well done, OP, on your spoof posts pretending to be a shallow self-centred immature idiot! You did it so well you had us all fooled until you went just a little bit OTT!

Most 17 year olds would find this childish. OP (if they’re serious) cannot be any older than 14

There is more and more evidence showing the dangers of trying to gain validation online. Social media is dangerous with the focus on comparison and the ‘showing off’ element. I also dislike the term ‘punching’ which is violent in tone and suggests conflict and lack of equality.
You do sound very insecure @ BrightLJ . A partnership should be just that. Not one side trying to prove on social media that they are better than their ‘partner’.
Interestingly, on MN which is also social media, 99% of 5336 people disagree with you and are on your partner’s side.I think that your relationship is over for a variety of reasons. Good luck in finding a new partner who is a better match for you.

I must be over reacting, because @BrightLJ saying that last sentence has actually made me feel like vomiting. The OP says she is in her late 20's and yet is speaking like a 14 year old - in fact, I think I am being unfair to 14 year olds. That there are multitudes of young women out there who think that they are being clever when they say things like:

"but there are standards that we can demand from our men..."

while actually meaning "they - men - need to learn what is really important in life by posting realms of insincere, but very embarrassing, poppycock". This actually makes me feel a little despairing for the next generations. Her posts on this thread have been so cringeworthy, and the almost certain fact that @BrightLJ will never realise that that "standard" she strives for is actually no standard at all, just makes me feel so sad for her, and for all the others who think like her.

If I am being too mean to the OP please report my post so that Mumsnet can take it down - if she were a teenager I probably wouldn't have been so blunt, but at nearly 30 years old I really hope for her that she can still change her outlook on life, and just, well, just grow up really.

I felt myself getting dumber reading this. Much like social media seems to be doing to vast swathes of the population.

You sound controlling and nasty. Not to mention shallow and ungrateful! This man needs to break free while he can!

I don't think you are being mean.

When I said it's funny, I meant I think it's a joke for reactions.

This has to be a joke? Are you 12?

Grovelling??? WTAF?? He certainly does not need to grovel to a spoiled brat, such as yourself OP. Shame on you.

I’m old but this actually scares me. The idea that what is posted on social media carries more weight than what happens in RL. Jeez. People really have lost all perspective about what really matters in life. 🙄

I wish I had read your post before posting mine @Hitherzither you have expressed how I feel about the OP in a much nicer, and more eloquent manner, than I could manage 🌻

Good one, OP. Very funny :)

So everything he did do for you is irrelevant because there was no social media post... that's really sad.

Christ, how old do you think people on here are?! We've had Facebook for almost 20 years. Before that we had MySpace. Don't you think we know how to live performatively on social media? We invented that shit.

Posting from the twilight years of my mid 30s, I can tell you that some people use socials that way and some don't. I've had relationships that are very online and others that really aren't. My partner wouldn't be caught dead on Instagram. Yes, it can be disorientating when someone's love language is different from what you're used to but you are too much in your own bubble. I respected this guy for maintaining the boundary and I'm sorry he felt he had to climb down - don't push to control him any further by demanding he gets rid of his Instagram. He can use it however he wants.

This