DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

This must be a joke. If it isn’t, these are red flags and he should consider carefully whether he wants to carry on with this relationship.

are you 17?

I’m sure this thread must be a wind up but if not I do feel sorry for this bloke!

Shark Jumped on this one

…you’ll know it’s a real wind-up when it moves to P2, and the OP makes more and more outlandish comments than

My partner of nearly 4 years doesn't post anything for my birthday on SM and neither do I for his. We speak to each other in person.

How very shallow

How immature. You’ve got a good man there and you’re guilt tripping him, if I was him I wouldn’t stick about. There’s more to life than fake social media, which is what is it fake because he didn’t want to post it now it means nothing.

What is shark dumped, please?

You’re not serious? He planned a lovely day, and you got pissed off over Instagram, then he apologised and said he should have done it because it was important to you (which is exactly what you wanted) and you umm’d and ahh’d over even replying. And now you want flowers to make up for it?

When something “jumps the shark” it goes beyond the limit of credulity. Comes from The Fonz jumping over a shark on waterskis in Happy Days.

You can’t be fucking serious?

I know plenty of people in their 20s (younger than yourself!!) and they don’t even use social media. It’s not a given that it’s a part of relationships.

Sort yourself out before you lose a decent guy. There’s not many out there.

He shouldn't be doing any grovelling at all, he did a lovely thoughtful birthday for you and you're complaining because he won't bend the knee to your very shallow demand. Why does everything have to be performative for the whole world to see? Why do people have to get out a digital loudspeaker for every small life event nowadays? It's not healthy at all and you are being very unreasonable. He's clearly uncomfortable doing this and you're trying to force him into it, for what? Because of what everyone else on your Insta thinks? Yes, he did it for his ex, and he was probably uncomfortable then too and probably felt coerced. Their relationship didn't work out for a reason, and the reason can often be that people don't feel accepted as they are.

Yes, we can make compromises for our partners but those have to be made in order to meet real, necessary emotional needs. Your need for validation online is not something positive or necessary, it clearly needs examination by you, as most things do when they begin to affect and interfere with real-life relationships.

I understand this comes off as hostile, it is not meant to be - that's another of the pitfalls of online written communication. Social media is not generally social, it is antisocial. It encourages disconnection from reality and reduces our focus on the real physical world around us. Try watching The Social Dilemma to see what the people who created the tech actually think of it - none of them use it, they realise how destructive it is. Your life will be honestly better if you stop chasing the "bright dings of pseudo-pleasure" your phone gives you - which is just dopamine - and have an attitude towards social media closer to that of your partner. I say this as someone who used and was practically addicted to social media for several years.

Please op stay in mn and don’t change your username. I’d like to know about the whereabouts of your relationship … when you get married and you don’t get the type of wedding you want , when you have your first child and you don’t get a push present , when it’s mums day and you don’t get the present you were expecting etc etc. and of course all
of this splattered around in social media.

Oh my god. 'It was so nearly the perfect birthday' - when he went out of his way to be kind and thoughtful and give you a lovely day. But just because he didn't decide to brag about it on the dreaded social media you are sulking. And you think he's punching!! If he was my son I'd be praying he'd stop wasting his time on a such a shallow baby and go and find an adult who appreciates the things he does. In real life.

OP you sound like a nightmare. You have a man who gave you a lovely, thoughtful birthday, and then punish him for not doing a social media post. Then ask “should I reply” when he climbs down and accepts your childish position.

My husband and I, together 5 years since our late 20s, don’t do birthday social media posts.

Grow up, appreciate what you have and practice a bit of gratitude.

You’re clearly upset. But, kindly, IMHO you need to look at yourself. Why do you need public validation of his feelings for you? Why are you comparing his relationship with his ex to his relationship with you? The relationship with his ex didn’t work. Surely, that’s not the outcome you want. Maybe his ex insisted on it too and that’s part of the reason it ended.

IMHO you should be the one apologising. He gave you a lovely birthday and it still wasn’t good enough for you. Seems like it ruined what should have been a lovely day.

You can’t expect people to publicly post about you. That comes across as controlling. And I agree with him, why does anyone need to wish you a happy birthday publicly when they’ve done so in private? Who’s it for? Real life is much more important.

Also, does he have children? I would’ve hated to see my dad gushing publicly about his gf.

I think he knows he won’t have to post anything by the time her next birthday comes round ….

You seem mean.

That’s some batsh*t behaviour, you and your insta-hun friends have a lot of serious growing up to do.

At this point you and OP are the same hey. What does that even mean 🤨. Like really ?

You should show your dp this thread.

(To DH, RUN RUN RUN)

At this point you and OP are the same hey. What does this even mean. Like really !?🤨

When you're secure in your love for and from another person there's absolutely no need for public validation on socials. I am sad for younger generations that this is so important to them.

OP, your comment about him punching and therefore not going anywhere suggests there isn't mutual respect in the relationship so I would move on and let him find someone who appreciates him for the mature person he is who doesn't need to validate his feelings on socials.

I remember calling one of my close friends, to wish her a happy birthday. I said, I can really tell you enjoyed your day and she said, what makes you say that. I said from the pictures I saw on Instagram. She sighed and said if only you knew ,my day was so horrible, nothing went as planned. Told me the sequence of events that unfolded on the day. I was so shocked. Social media is not always real OP. That man went all out for you .Be grateful.