DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

I wouldn't see this as my friends bigging me up, I'd see it as them slagging him off. Though I suspect you take it as a compliment about yourself. They're basically saying there is something defective/not good about him - do they mean his looks, his personality?

They're basically saying you're going out with an ugly/boring/not nice person compared to you. I would be really cross and upset if my friends spoke about my partner like this. How does it make you feel knowing your friends think that you have settled for a shit boyfriend? I guess maybe your friends think you can't do better? I'd be pissed off with them.

He did lots of lovely things in person. Yet you want external validation from people on Instagram, no doubt some of whom you don’t even know, and are upset with him for not facilitating that.

Why is so important to you? What is it about pictures on Instagram that you like? If he posted it and no one ‘likes’ it would that be okay?

I’m sorry op but I’d run a mile. You could be the sexiest person in the world but I’d be concerned about your need for external validation. It’s a black hole that can never be filled for some people and for me it’s a red flag.

You're going to have to tell him to delete insta. 🙄 Controlling behaviour. Are you making this up? Surely you're just attempting to wind everyone up now. 😂

Ugh 🤢

This relationship sounds absolutely horrible. I feel sorry for your boyfriend. Seems like you have absolutely no respect for him and want him to pander to you whilst also wanting to be treated like a delicate little flower.

Grim.

I’m sorry OP, I’m only a few years older than you, I really think you need to reassess your view of social media, I used to make birthday posts for my DH, then we both thought what’s the point?
We don’t need to do it when we see each other in person, but then I have friends who literally live through social media and every moment of their life is documented which I find odd, you don’t need to show the world that you are in a relationship, it has nothing to do with being proud etc, some things are better kept private.
I certainly wouldn’t see this as something I should be demanding from another person.
Your DP did acknowledge your birthday, he created a very special day for you, none of that needs to be shared online and I’d be asking why is it so important to you that you were so upset by him not doing it.

Hold men to high standards. Posting on social media is not a 'standard' and saying 'oh but you guys are older than me' is not the put down you think it is. I was your age in the age of FB. My partner didn't have FB and still doesnt. We met at 21 and we've been together for 22 years. I did and I used it a lot. What will become clear to you (I hope) is that what matters is whether he is an equal partner and eventually an equal father and someone you can rely on. Those are the important standards to set. This is really really not, and whether someone makes a public song and dance about their partner's birthday is a very misleading standard to set.

It is also very immature to make a partner grovel and leave them hanging etc etc. It is clear that you are insecure. Insecure about the ex. Insecure about him, which is why you need to reassure a bunch of strangers that HE is punching above his weight and therefore you can treat him a little badly and he won't go anywhere. None of this points to a healthy relationship.

I find MN so useful for parenting.

I’m off to have a quick chat with my teenagers to make sure that if they ever have a bf/gf like the OP that they can identify the glaring red flags.

This gets funnier and funnier. Keep posting @BrightLJ

"He will have to do a bit more grovelling..."

You're unreal..... 🤷🤦

I always think the people who post this stuff on SM are performative and doing it for the likes due to their own insecurities. It has nowt to do with the person whose birthday or other event it is.

This is absolutely bonkers and no way this can be real life surely?

@BrightLJ Will you be posting and asking for sympathy when he realises that he can't stand being with someone so shallow anymore - which is maybe a lesson he learnt with his previous girlfriend?

I find this really depressing if it is real and indicative of how young women think and act these days. Needing social media posts to make any occasion "acceptable ". Friends talking of "punching" (I hadn't heard that but presumably short for punching up?). Demanding chocolate and flowers for some perceived slight. I don't want to be a curmudgeon but honestly, you aren't doing women any favours here. Hopefully you will grow up at some point, probably after this poor man has moved off.

Only men are to blame for the rise of toxic masculinity but this entitled and retrogressive nonsense doesn't help the situation.

Also the fact that your friends have told you he's 'punching' and you're not furious with them speaks absolutely volumes about the complete lack of respect you have for your boyfriend.

My 'friends' at uni used to play a horrible game where they'd decide whether people in relationships were 'reaching' or 'settling' for their partner. Absolutely toxic.

This has to be made up? You want flowers and chocolates for BF not posting about you and think you might say he should delete his account? Good luck to this man.

What is wrong with you . He has absolutely no need to grovel , but no doubt he'll be getting blasted again if he dares to turn up without chocolate or flowers .

You sound like a total nightmare

Yes, this. Grow up, OP. The pea-brained Insta Pwincess schtik is juvenile.

YABU. Grow up. You’ll be lucky to make it to 2 years with him if you behave like a petulant teenager over pathetic things. Talk about attention-seeking 🙄

I've seen numerous outpourings of love on social media for couples that break up later or are all arguing in real life. It's a show, a pretence. 🙄

The social media 'I've done a thing...' posts 😂

The social media desperation posts.... 'I'm been at A&E for 5 minutes and they say its a 5 hour wait' (broken fingernail).

Social media posts 'why does he always' 'it's awful......', 'we're done, never trust a man' .... 🤢

TROLL

I’d love to think so!

So it’s 2025 and you “won’t apologise for the standards for men” (social media posts, real high standard and importance 😂) but you clearly also want to live in 1942 where men present women with flowers and chocolate and grovel for forgiveness 🙄

Yes that's vile. Toxic. Bet they all share the 'Be Kind' memes too

I think it's a waste of everyone's time telling the OP to grow up etc (and I do include me in that, but I'm bored). She's an attention seeker and we have all played into her hands. £ to a penny she's telling all her "hun chums" "OMG so many people on MN have commented on my post, I'm soooooooo popular" whilst swishing her hair and pouting for a selfie #livingmybestlife.