To feel sad that people are not having children, they would have liked to have

[Tootiredfrthis]

I feel sad that I would love to have a third DC but I don't think I will because of lack of support and not having any extended family who can help.
Similarly, I was speaking to a friend and she almost cried saying how much she would love to is third DC but can't as she's 42 and sky rocketing nursery fees.
Another friend was saying she would love a third but undecided due to no family nearby.
Another male friend was saying he would love a second DC but he has broken up with his girlfriend and was in custody battle for his only DC and don't want to go through it again.
I feel quite sad that there are so many who would love another DC but won't be having them for various reasons while fertility rates keep falling and there's so little support for modern parents/families.

Not at all. These are all situations in which people have decided that costs outweigh the positives of having another child.

Do I feel sad for people with 2 children who have (sensibly) decided that can't afford a 3rd one?
Nope
I do feel sad for people who can't have children at all or struggle to afford the basics for the ones they have though

Yet you are doing the exact same thing as those facebook posters, by coming onto a thread for women with 1/2 children but wanted more, and making it all about infertile women.

Astonishing that you can’t see the hypocrisy.

The entire point of the thread has been lost, largely because you personally have chosen to come on and derail it.

I would have quite liked to talk about the unique sadness of not having a child you long for, but no, you have made it so women can’t have that conversation. Instead of just closing the thread, or starting your own. Thanks!

well, three is certainly big today

forgot to add

I’ve said multiple times having no children due to infertility is the biggest heartbreak. I’ve agreed having no children vs having 2 but not being able to have a 3rd is different.

You have commented to me you don’t feel sad for woman who go through secondary infertility and have early losses, they shouldn’t be sad and should enjoy what they have - your words.

You have come on this thread telling others that because your situation is worse, they shouldn’t be sad. You think others can’t have infertility if they have a child. It’s wrong

Well done, well done, well done! God bless! The only attitude to have.

None of these things are insurmountable though. They’re just choices. We’ve never had family help or any family nearby and when we had our first, we were fairly low earners still and nursery bills were £1100 a month for 1 and none of these current childcare help existed. We worked hard and made it work because we wanted to have a child.

I know what you mean op. I found 2 in childcare expensive. We have 2. Cost of living hard aswell now.

I feel more sad for the DCs of those who just keep churning out babies for their own selfish wants rather than prioritising the needs of their current children.

People who want to do it, do it. My friend's neighbours are migrants from either India or Pakistan, mum, dad, MIL, 4 children. Dad is working full-time in catering, minimum wage, mum cleans houses, does not speak English. MIL is a invalid of some sort, requires help all the time, does not speak English, so one of the children, a daughter, has been her carer from the age of 9. They don't know what 'a holiday' is, have a very old car, wear God knows what, their furniture all bought in charity shops, they don't have books at home, etc. Two years ago their son was accepted to do physics, this year their daughter was accepted to read medicine, I have no doubt at all their younger ones will do as well, if not better. They seem to be a genuinely happy family on almost no money.

They obviously being very insensitive to have joined that group. 😬

Infertility is not being able to concieve without help.

Feeling sad for childless people who have infertility problems and are desperate for a child - YANBU

Feeling sad for yourself even though you already have two children - YABU

Think of the environment. Think of the other kids who aren't enough for you and would get even less attention and a worse life.

It is interesting to me that these people don't love children enough to foster or adopt or even have nieces and nephews over for a weekend. Yet just want more of their own.

I’ve found 3 hard work but have 2 ND kids so that definitely makes life harder. I honestly don’t know how mums cope with more - hats off to them!

Maybe not as common a number than it used to be but I wouldn't say big. More than a handful of you have two though!

You can't be for real 😂

You have my empathy. Teenagers are so hard 😩 I was out today and kept getting pangs seeing new mums with their babies. I know lots of mums find that stage hard but I really loved it (probably forgetting the sleepless nights! 😆) it’s just as they get older the problems seem bigger 😢 And honestly as you say I sometimes fantasise of a childfree life. Parenthood is not easy.

These comments are giving me a right good laugh on a Thursday afternoon

Surely 2 children is enough? Why is 3 suddenly the trendy number?

I’m not sure about having children but I always dreamed of getting married. But men nowadays 😳 I don’t even know what to say. They really scare me.

Millions of people have children without “help and support” from family. If the people you’re referencing can’t, that’s on them.
No particular sympathy to waste on them, tbh.

Could not agree more. Also those selfish people obviously don't give a fuck about the environment and their childrens' futures

I think the more concerning issue is for the future- by making having children so expensive and thus people NOT having them, there will be huge issues for the economy in erms of WHO will pay for an ageing ppulation !!!!

The thing is the average number of children per family has been two or fewer since the 1980s. Therefore should we really feel deeply sad for someone who already has children but wants to have more than most other people (three children in this case)? Don't get me wrong, if someone close to me was very upset that they had two children and couldn't have three, then of course I'd empathise. I'd feel sad that they were sad.
However, I can't help feeling that someone with two healthy children is very lucky. Therefore I don't feel immense sadness about them not having a third. I have two and wanted three but I couldn't because I had cancer when we were about to start trying. I don't feel sorry for myself, I just feel very thankful for two healthy children.