To feel sad that people are not having children, they would have liked to have

[Tootiredfrthis]

I feel sad that I would love to have a third DC but I don't think I will because of lack of support and not having any extended family who can help.
Similarly, I was speaking to a friend and she almost cried saying how much she would love to is third DC but can't as she's 42 and sky rocketing nursery fees.
Another friend was saying she would love a third but undecided due to no family nearby.
Another male friend was saying he would love a second DC but he has broken up with his girlfriend and was in custody battle for his only DC and don't want to go through it again.
I feel quite sad that there are so many who would love another DC but won't be having them for various reasons while fertility rates keep falling and there's so little support for modern parents/families.

Those who long for a child and have yet to have one or unfortunately were never unable to I’ll always have the most sympathy for. I do think it’s sad that some people cannot have a second or third for multiple reasons but my heart will always go out to those who can’t have one.

I know I am so blessed to have my DS, especially after losses. Not having a second would be gutting but I know how blessed I am.

That certainly wasn't obvious from the thread title. I thought OP was expressing sympathy for other people rather than asking about her specific situation.

I didn't realise the childless/childfree were only allowed to comment on posts in their section.

To people saying be grateful for existing DC, we are grateful but one can be grateful and sad at the same time. This post isn't about being ungrateful but it's about sadness you feel about DC you would have wanted but won't have due to whatever reason.

I agree op.

I also hear of lots of younger people who have decided not to have kids at all due to finances/housing/state of the world. I can understand their decision but choosing not to have children because circumstances are so crap is hardly a brilliant situation.

Of course your feelings are valid

Kids or just having babies

zero sympathy if they already have healthy children. Devastating if they never experienced the joy of parenthood

35 seems young to me 😆 I had my 1st at 36, or was it 37!? I forget.

You have plenty of time!! Good luck ☺️

I've talked about this in my peer group. We are all 55-75. We didn't face not having a stable home and didn't have to consider not having children because we couldn't afford them. No other generation, especially in the North has had the issues today's adults have, in terms of the fundamentals of life. House building isn't going to make life any better for vast amounts of people.

Demographically, it’s the 25% of women who wanted to be mothers, but who never have children that I feel saddest for. Our society sold them a lie. 5% are childless by choice, which is fine, and an important part of our society. I don’t know the percentage of women who would have liked one more, but at least they have had children.

No, I think two children is enough for anyone.

please ignore that horrible comment. It’s easy for those with kids to sit there and accuse people of detailing the thread x you have as much right to be here!!

I feel incredibly sad for the people who are childless due to infertility etc and who who would have wanted DC. I wish they can get the help needed.

I feel more sad for women who had/have no control over their reproductive systems and had to have baby after baby in dire poverty.

Nah I feel for the friend who's child has died, and another who hasn't been able to have one child. No great sadness for those who've had less children than they'd have ideally liked.

In an ideal world I'd have had 3 kids, but the sheer cost of third and another round of ft childcare, needing a larger home and a larger car, it just wasn't on the cards. But I'm not at all sad about it, a third was nice to have, not an essential. And tbh we got lucky with two kids who were quite easy babies and toddlers (and thus far, teens) so not sure or luck would hold a third time.

I'm sad for those who want kids and can't have any kids at all, or can't have a second and would have liked to. But can't say I can be that sad for people who can't have more than 2.

Presumably if they would like to have a child and can't have one, then they're not having as many as they would like.

There are plenty of things I would like that I'll never have

But… all your examples are people choosing not to have one more child!
The one about affordability: they could downsize / move to a cheaper area to be able to afford it.
The one about support: they could move closer to family or save money (see above) and use that to hire a nanny.
The one about the custody battle I don’t really get - it is 100% his choice.

I feel sorry for people who can’t have one because of infertility - I really do. But the rest of us are making choices about how much we want one more child vs how much we value our lifestyle - that’s life!

I agree there is a lower level of support for today's young parents, but in the main that's because they chose to move away from their home area (and yes I realise that for a small percentage it will be that their parents moved away instead, or are absent for other reasons). I know there are often very good reasons for moving away from a home area, but family support is often what you sacrifice, and it's up to you to consider what's the most important to you.

I live in my home area because I really value the companionship and support of my extended family, but to do so I've sacrificed a far higher income. We live much more frugally here, but that's my choice and I own it.

I wholeheartedly agree that both men and women (but probably particularly men) are far more infantile in their 20s and less willing to settle down and commit. I think this is the far bigger problem, causing people to have children later, and running out of time to have as many as they want, or sadly any at all.

That's a stupid question, I have stated I feel sad for people who can't have the DC they would have liked in the title.

Exactly what's the thing about having children.
Children aren't exactly stress free are they.
Feel more sorry for severely disabled people/sick people and with mental health problems tbh.

Why are people in the UK leaving it so late to have children?
The UK has a fertility gap of around 0.3 children meaning that for every three children wanted only two are born

This article blames later parenthood - though think reasons they suggest better education and wating for stable partners are good things.

I read this stat somewhere else as well - a newspaper article that was blaming house prices for this and many other society ills.

We had 3 no family help - was hard - not sure if we started now we'd have as many - so count ourselves luckily we aren't of a younger cohort - but we'd have had another one but stuff happend - poor maternity care and rising costs just made that unattainable and now with three teens glad we stopped when we did.

I feel such sadness that I can only have 2 children. The cost of having more would be too much.

If we won the lottery, the first thing that we would do is have more children.

@Sdpbody I totally agree