To feel sad that people are not having children, they would have liked to have

[Tootiredfrthis]

I feel sad that I would love to have a third DC but I don't think I will because of lack of support and not having any extended family who can help.
Similarly, I was speaking to a friend and she almost cried saying how much she would love to is third DC but can't as she's 42 and sky rocketing nursery fees.
Another friend was saying she would love a third but undecided due to no family nearby.
Another male friend was saying he would love a second DC but he has broken up with his girlfriend and was in custody battle for his only DC and don't want to go through it again.
I feel quite sad that there are so many who would love another DC but won't be having them for various reasons while fertility rates keep falling and there's so little support for modern parents/families.

But you only mentioned in your OP the sadness of those who would have liked another child but felt they couldn’t for one reason or another. So my question was valid, not stupid.

Nah, I don’t feel sad for people who already have 2 children and want a third.

I do feel sad for those that have no children because in the fertility lottery the lost. Now that must be so hard to never get to experience having a baby.

and some people have loads when they can't afford too.

I never factored “family support” into how many kids I had. I don’t think I would feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a third child based on that.

Anyone who doesn’t have additional children due to the cost of living, childcare etc, then I think they’re sensible, and don’t particularly feel sorry for them either

This is the wrong way round - it's great that women have the choice not have more children than they want

I would have liked one but finances and not meeting the right person means it wasn’t an option

Which is ironic - circumstances have never been better. Which previous era would have been better - before the welfare state, before vaccines and antibiotics were invented, before schools?

there's so little support for modern parents/families.

Who do you think should be providing better support though. Maternity and paternity leave is the highest it’s ever been, support for pre-school childcare is expanding, parents in some ways are more supported by the State than they ever have been - what more do you think is needed?

This. Having lost my parents early, it's made me realise that having children later isn't always the best idea. I just hope I am around a lot longer for my kids than my own parents were.

I often feel a bit jealous when I see pictures of families in the Deep South (America).

Deep down all I wanted to be was a ‘mum’. Went to uni, joined the corporate world and only (currently) have one DD but trying for another.

I didn’t meet DH until I was 28 but I would have loved to have had five of his children. I feel an element of envy when I see pictures of families with their eight kids posing for their Xmas/Easter photos.

So true!

We're incredibly lucky really, aren't we?

The stupidity of some of these posters!! 🙄

Feeling sorry for people who want more children but for reasons feel unable to, does NOT mean that you don't feel sorry for people who can't have children. It's two different issues.

The OP was simply raising awareness to this one issue.

Typical Mumsnet response, willfully ignorant.

I had 3 c sections DC1 and DC3 were both emergency, although I was going to have a planned c section with my third anyway. It was recommended by my midwife to have a planned one with number 3 as I'd had two already
My eldest is 18 youngest is 4 and I can't say it's affected me at all.

Parents only have the physical and emotional energy for 3 children, 4 max. After that, the children are rearing the children and that's not fair.

It is what it is, I’d love a third but don’t have family support and my physical and mental health couldn’t take it. I’m grateful for the two I have.

I can’t say I have much sympathy for people with healthy children who are sad because they want more. Focus on what you do have.

The way you flippantly list several examples of people with 2 children who can’t afford to have a third as something to be sad about shows that you don’t really have any understanding of the absolute devastation of infertility and the inability to have one healthy child.

be grateful and enjoy your children.

Where's the line?

What about if you want 12 but can't squeeze another bed into your 4 bed house after the 11th?

I'm happily one and done. My expectations for what I want to provide for my child are high, so I won't be having more whilst it would mean less for her. If I had enough money for a bigger house, a nanny to take care of the boring bits, and to maintain everything she has and provide it for another child too, I might well have more.

You're not incorrect that society isn't especially accommodating for families, but to have children or more children is a question of personal circumstances. No-one can have unlimited children.

My personal belief, influenced by the research in the area, suggests that families of 2 or fewer children have better outcomes so I'd rather policies promoted encouraging families with none to have one than encouraging families with some to have more.

The whole post is pointless.
Just like starting one.
I'd like another dog but I can't afford one, do you feel sorry for me?
We'd like a second holiday home but can't afford one?
Where does it end?

People in those eras might also have chosen to remain childless if they could.

Also just because the past was worse doesn’t mean you have to bring people into the world. Many people find it a bit rubbish so why bring more people in if you feel that way? Also what jobs are these people going to do with AI?

Dogs and holiday homes are incomparable to having a child...

I'm sorry but this just isn't something I could feel sad about. 2 children is enough for anybody. There are people out there who can't have any at all, those I feel sad for.

Infertility and loss are a heartbreak like no other and as I mentioned in previous comments I will always have the most sympathy for those who cannot have one child.

However I do not think this means others feelings are invalid.

Fully agree that loss and infertility is different to not being able to afford another child, but both are sad. Different situations entirely.

There are people who would love a second or third but can’t due to infertility or loss, would you also tell them to enjoy what they have and not be sad.

I would have a third but we won't be for a few reasons, mainly it comes down to cost of living. I can continue to improve my currently kids lives and offer them their own bedrooms etc or compromise on it for a selfish desire. Dh also thinks we are lucky to have two children who are healthy, he doesn't want to roll the dice a third time

We always thought we wanted two.

A horrendous pregnancy, labour, EMCS, infections and a colicky baby led us to the decision that we would be stopping at one. Please don’t feel sorry for me, my DS is the absolute light of my life and our family is ‘complete’ with just him. Of course I’ll miss him being a baby because he’s growing up so fast, but I can’t say that I Iong for the different baby that I once thought I might have, but never will.