To feel sad that people are not having children, they would have liked to have

[Tootiredfrthis]

I feel sad that I would love to have a third DC but I don't think I will because of lack of support and not having any extended family who can help.
Similarly, I was speaking to a friend and she almost cried saying how much she would love to is third DC but can't as she's 42 and sky rocketing nursery fees.
Another friend was saying she would love a third but undecided due to no family nearby.
Another male friend was saying he would love a second DC but he has broken up with his girlfriend and was in custody battle for his only DC and don't want to go through it again.
I feel quite sad that there are so many who would love another DC but won't be having them for various reasons while fertility rates keep falling and there's so little support for modern parents/families.

I don’t feel sad per se but I am very concerned about the fact that we are below replacement rate now population wise and the impact that has socially and economically in the future.

There are many who experience that primary infertility who feel very down too when the successive rounds of IVF to have a sibling fail. It is quite a normal feeling. They are grateful and obviously feel guilty because they feel like they shouldn't be wanting another.

There are so many things people want and can't have and many are more essential than a child. I dislike 'having children' as a phrase as well--children are not yours to have. They are not the newest gadget.

Very true.

It’s a relatively new choice. Didn’t exist before the 1960’s. Prior to that, throughout all of human history, children just happened irrespective of being wanted, affordable and so on.

Your pain is completely valid and a heartbreak like no other, but that doesn’t mean others cannot feel sad for their situations.

So little support?! Are you kidding me? Try being a single mother in the 90s with no child maintenance from an ex husband who chased money. Benefits that in today’s money would total £183 a week. For four of you. Being treated like a leper by everyone because your husband has left you. Being shunned by school mums in case you chase their husband. Having no after school. No breakfast clubs. No support to enable you back to work.
May point is, parenting has always been hard. Just in different ways. What’s missing now is resilience. People just moan and complain about things they haven’t got or can’t do instead of being happy with what they HAVE got.
How about we go back to counting our blessings?

I don’t think it’s sad at all. The planet is already over populated - we could do with fewer people, not more,especially with the amount of damage people do to the planet and the amount of resources we all use.

I think kids should be encouraged to realise there’s more to life than getting a job and a pension, getting a house then having kids. There are far more interesting things to do with your life.

i know we need people in work to support pensioners etc. but if people have fewer children then at some stage there will be fewer older people to support so it will balance out eventually. People migrating will also help boost numbers.

People can't have everything they want. I don't feel sorry for people who already have two kids, the world is already hugely overpopulated. No one needs more than two kids.

A lot of hard women on here...

I have 2 children and a 3rd on the way. It's still early days. I had 2 miscarriages prior to this, so this pregnancy feels a lot more fragile.

My first 2 pregnancies were straight forward. When DD was 2 we started trying for a third - that was three years ago. I had just turned 40. 3 years of trying and two miscarriages, I spent most of that time trying to accept that my baby making days were done - I was heartbroken.

I come from a very broken family. My brother, who I was very close to was separated from me when I was 5 years old. Loss is the overall theme to my life. Having a big family was hugely important to me. I am so grateful for the children I do have, always have been. But for them and for me, I wanted just one more.

People on here can be so cold and clinical and I think they often forget that people are human, they have stories, they have their reasons. You can appreciate all what you have, but when it comes to children and family, wanting more, and grieving for what you can't have is natural.

There still isn't many after school clubs and there is a lack of childcare at the moment. Even if there is it is pretty expensive. Benefits are also pretty low if you compare it to what other countries offer. Don't be fooled into thinking it is better today.

So well said!!!

I mean is that resilience or just people realising they have more choice over how to live their lives and caring less what other's think? Sounds like people just had to put up and shut up whereas to me it is perfectly reasonable to say that treating a single mum left by her husband as a leper is a bad thing and even calling out people who do this where I can. I don't think people have to be happy when treated poorly and just put up with it. And likewise I don't think I should have to bring more people in the world just to put up and shut up either. If I do not think it is worth it... why on earth would I do it?

Life has always been like this. Life choices are being made daily. You can have another id you wish. You'll manage. Noone can ever afford a child really

Saying you have no sympathy for a woman experiencing a miscarriage unless it is after a certain stage is just stupid. I nearly ended up in a ambulance during mine. My husband was very close to calling one. I am sure we can summon some empathy.

I'm with you OP. I have two utterly glorious children for whom I am grateful every single day. That said, my heart yearns for a third - I really feel it would complete us and I relish every aspect of motherhood.

But, despise myself and my husband both being high-earners, in the current economic climate we just don't feel we can afford it. It's sad.

How do you know? Isn't each person's sense of grief or loss entirely subjective?

Don't be ridiculous.

No one needs more than 1 or 2 kids. Lack of overpopulation is not sad, it is sensible and practical.

I've had a terrible week with my teenagers so my initial thought was 'no, they are lucky and i am jealous of them and their lovely childfree lives'

But in reality i really would love a world where people could make their own life choices without things that we can't control restricting them.

I would rather feel sad for people who want a child desperately but can't have one. Once you have a child, you're blessed beyond measure.

Responsible people do tend to consider their resources (practical, emotional, financial) before bringing a new life into the world. Children aren't just something you can do on a whim. They deserve parents who are thoughtful about what they can offer the child.

Yes it's sad.

I won't have any :(

The population growth is declining...

I don't live in England, but the problem in the UK is that we're not building the infrastructure to support the increasing. population. There's plenty of land.

If you want kids, have them!

That's not for you to decide for other people.

Quite.

So many ignorant replies on this thread.

Just shows people can’t post about any topic without morons coming on and immediately derailing it with “well childless/infertile people have it worse! So you are only allowed to be sorry for them, no one else!”

Completely shuts down discussion, plus it’s hypocritical. There should be space for ALL experiences to be discussed.

It’s a really valid and relevant talking point, the impact of having smaller families than previous generations. Plus it affects women on a personal and emotional level.

It is so easy to just leave the thread if something doesn’t resonate with you.

But no, it has to be all about one group of people 🙄