To hate the term “Passed away”?

[ALovelyShadeofMauve]

Or even worse, simply “Passed”?

I understand people sometimes don’t want to be too blunt around the subject of death. But I’m not suggesting we say “Sorry, Granny’s kicked the bucket/turned up her toes/cashed in her chips” instead. Why can’t we just be honest and factual and use the word “died”?

I find “passed away” or “passed” quite cringey and performative. It seems to imply something peaceful and ethereal; as if it’s just one door closing and another opening as part of the beautiful cycle of life, where we’ll all be reunited in the next world, and that bodies are just vessels for our spiritual energy and so on… Fine if you believe that, but for a lot of us, when you’re dead, that’s it. We don’t need it soft-soaping.

I don’t mind it so much when it’s someone very elderly who has had a genuinely peaceful death. But I’ve seen it used more and more often recently when people have not only died very young, but also in terrible accidents or by suicide. That is not “passing away” - that is a tragedy, possibly involving a lot of suffering, and/or mental pain beforehand. Why try to make out it was all part of the natural circle of life?

Am I just being an old moaner who should let people use whatever expression brings them comfort? Or is it offensive to act like a sudden, painful death is no different to quietly going in your sleep at 95?

I understand the view that 'has died' is the terminology, but as someone who has lost parents and sibling in recent years I know I couldn't use it even now.

When I was talking about what happened to my dad, I said he had died. Not passed, passed away, passed on, gone to a better place or any other twee euphemism.

I do prefer died. Passed or passed away makes me cringe - however it's not irritating me quite as much as it's now over a year since my mum died so not quite so raw

Because death isn't something that should be treated with reverence? How should it be treated?

I’m so sorry your grandmother had to go through that 💔 And of course all of your family.

When my Father died I preferred to tell people he'd passed away because his was a very sudden death and I was in shock for a couple of weeks. It wasn't very pleasant watching my Dad die and I'll say he passed away if I want too. I fail to see how it matters to a stranger how I speak/ write about my own Father so no it isn't cringe and it still hurts. Try having your Dad collapse and die right in front of you and then split hairs over what his death is called.

There was a recent thread with the title "my son passed". People opened it thinking there'd be a devestated mother in the raw throes of grief posting. He'd become qualified in his career. Obviously that was by far the better outcome, but the phrasing confused a lot of people and influenced who opened the thread.

I don't mind "passed away" as the meaning is widely understood and it's appropriate to someone slipping away at the end of life. "Passed" can too easily be misconstrued without context.

Britain is very squeamish about end of life and death. It's a process that we will all go through. Clear language is a healthy thing.

It's not up to you the term that people use, however much you may prefer otherwise.

What a thing to focus such attention on? Weird.

You can use whatever term you like, OP, but you are exceptionally unreasonable for having annoyance at people using whatever term they wish in relation to their own loved ones. It shows a deep lack of respect.

Baseline, their brain, their mouth, their choice of words. I hate "fighting cancer" or "beaten by cancer" and the ad that says "Cancer you will not win" I find it so annoying that I won't support the charity.....but those are my feelings and choices. I am entitled to make them for myself but not judge what others say.

It’s awful. Lower-middle class twee euphemisms. ‘Passed’ alone is a step worse, though. You pass urine or kidney stones, or someone on the street.

My dad died in the same manner, and I feel exactly the same way. I will use whatever term I like, irrespective of being religious or spiritual or believing in an afterlife (which I don’t). People like the OP can get lost.

I don’t spend my every waking hour thinking about it. It’s just a topic I find interesting. Weird you’d find it weird!

I say died and dead, yes. Americans are very shocked by this, but IME British people are not shocked - I've never noticed anyone to be shocked. It's not a convention in the UK to not say the word death.

I think I've mainly seen the "passed away" thing on television or on social media, actually, not in real life.

As a paramedic, when dealing with relatives when a person has died, we cannot use twee euphemisms such as passed away/gone/sleeping - we have to use factual words, so we will say "sadly, after our efforts XX has died"
It may seem blunt, but It helps with the grieving process.

People can use what they want. I prefer to say my ds died by suicide.
I hate references to "a better place", " "he'll be watching over you" and " he's looking down on you". Luckily no one i know would ever say that.

I find it too painful

On a thread that's fair enough but not speaking to someone you know

The worst phrase has to be "crossing the rainbow bridge" .

My Dad and my Nan were once having a conversation and my Gran said, " X lost 3 husbands".
Dad replied " One was unfortunate two is a bit careless, but losing three husbands is downright stupid. Where was she misplacing them?".
It made me laugh.

Agree with you 100%. I especially loathe "passed" and "passing".

There is a lot of fear in Western Culture, of death, which I think is of contributes to how we talk about it. People just don't know what to say, so these workaround phrases have replaced the word died/dead.

I don't like it. Look at the three women murdered by the twat with the crossbow. They didn't "pass away". Neither did a friend who hanged himself.

I agree @ALovelyShadeofMauve. I always say 'died' but I am definitely in the minority in my experience.
I completely understand why people find death and the concept of dying hard (so do I), but what I cannot understand is why 'passed away' or 'passed' makes this any easier. It's exactly the same outcome, I don't know why a different word makes it any easier to accept or easier to discuss. I think our whole society has an unhealthy attitude towards death and dying, and I believe skirting round the issue with our language, does not help normalise this inevitable part of living.

I don’t think anyone is telling anyone else what to say about their own bereavements!

I think that whatever helps a bereaved person is OK by me. I have always used the word died about my late OH and it encourages others to do so as they take their lead from this - but if I was with someone who chose to use passed, then I would also - it is respectful and kind.

People make lots of assumptions about those who are bereaved - people think I am happy and have got over it! - hmmm... But the last thing they need is judgment about the language they use.

Live and let live - let others use whatever they find easiest. If someone uses the word passed with me, they very quickly realise it is not my chosen word and respond accordingly.

Cut us a bit of slack - we all find our own ways of dealing with death, both on an individual and a general basis.

Absolutely this. It baffles me why people feel the need to judge others on how they process their personal grief.

I