To hate the term “Passed away”?

[ALovelyShadeofMauve]

Or even worse, simply “Passed”?

I understand people sometimes don’t want to be too blunt around the subject of death. But I’m not suggesting we say “Sorry, Granny’s kicked the bucket/turned up her toes/cashed in her chips” instead. Why can’t we just be honest and factual and use the word “died”?

I find “passed away” or “passed” quite cringey and performative. It seems to imply something peaceful and ethereal; as if it’s just one door closing and another opening as part of the beautiful cycle of life, where we’ll all be reunited in the next world, and that bodies are just vessels for our spiritual energy and so on… Fine if you believe that, but for a lot of us, when you’re dead, that’s it. We don’t need it soft-soaping.

I don’t mind it so much when it’s someone very elderly who has had a genuinely peaceful death. But I’ve seen it used more and more often recently when people have not only died very young, but also in terrible accidents or by suicide. That is not “passing away” - that is a tragedy, possibly involving a lot of suffering, and/or mental pain beforehand. Why try to make out it was all part of the natural circle of life?

Am I just being an old moaner who should let people use whatever expression brings them comfort? Or is it offensive to act like a sudden, painful death is no different to quietly going in your sleep at 95?

I got into all sorts of trouble with people when I told my kids their grandparents had died.

In retrospect this might have been more down to the fact that they were still alive than the words I used, but it goes to show.

Totally agree OP, do people really think saying the word 'died' is going to traumatise someone who's already gone through the worst imaginable? My other pet peeve is 'unalived' Who came up with that idiocy?

I find it odd that when people post something like you have @ALovelyShadeofMauve that they get replies implying they're obsessed!

This is used on social media to avoid being instantly blocked using the word killed

Am I just being an old moaner who should let people use whatever expression brings them comfort?

Yes and Yes.

So what if you don't like whatever term someone else uses to describe a death (of a loved one or a stranger), They are using that term for a reason, its either for their peace or they believe for the peace of someone they are telling the news.

Just let them use whatever terminology they wish and move on.

I hate all the softened versions too.

My wonderful dad died a couple years ago and hated people referring to his sad passing/brave battle etc.

He died. He was killed by a horrible evil undignified disease, and he suffered horribly. I was traumatised by it. It felt so patronising and minimised to say he had passed away.

Do you feel better now that you've made this a ridiculous class issue that it isn't? Pathetic. I wonder what goes on in people's heads sometimes but have concluded that it's very little indeed.

I'm prefer and use the term 'has died' but I wouldn't dream of imposing that on anybody else.

"passed away" is a euphemism/idiomatic expression of which we have loads in the English language.
Agree about "passed" being irritating ....probably because it sounds a bit like an americanism?

Not liking a phrase is normal and when I clicked on this thread I was planning to vote YANBU. Then I read the OP.

Judging people on the language they use when bereaved or around death is unreasonable. Finding other such judgemental people on Mnet doesn't make it any less unreasonable or weird.🤷‍♀️

I think the OP is saying they don't like the phrases rather than judging someone for using it.

I'm with you, OP, but I do find a lot of euphemisms to be twee, patronising or downright infantile!

I prefer "retired from life". It implies you've retired and gone somewhere lovely.

"Passed away" is a term I use and feel comfortable with, but don't get me started on things like "gone to Heaven" or "with the angels".

I find any thread weird where an OP focuses such determination on something that they have no business imposing on other people. Rude also. Are you ok with rude? I don't care either way. This isn't your playpen.

I agree, OP.
And I think 'passed on' is even worse.
But it's up to the individual to describe their bereavement in the way most comfortable for them

Silly little shrug emoji aside, you’re missing the point. It’s absolutely fine for YOU or anyone else to disagree with me and say that you don’t find the terms inappropriate/annoying/offensive, but you can’t state it as fact that they aren’t - because it will always come down to opinion.

“Died”, on the other hand, is purely factual.

I don't like it either I find it jarring, but I think if it makes it easier for the person who said it is fine but I'd t ather hear oh my (whoever) died.

My DH passed away from suicide last year.

It's so incredibly difficult telling people who I've recently met about it, that I use 'passed away' quite a lot when I don't want to give further details of how he died. It softens it somehow

I think you’re sounding a bit odd now, to be honest. “Such determination”? I posted a question on MN - I didn’t launch a national campaign.

'YANBU. Saying someone has 'passed on' is even worse. I don't understand why people are so squeamish about saying the word died. It's straightforward, factual and to the point. It's not horribly blunt or unpleasant. It's just the truth.

100% agree; I hate it. "Passed" is particularly awful. When my mother died I felt like it didn't do her justice - like people were sugar coating what had happened to her, and to us. Let's call a spade a spade, and look the awful thing in the face. I definitely have an irrational hatred towards both terms.

'Passed' makes me cringe too. Passed what? A kidney stone?
I do prefer simple language, and 'died' is perfect, and really shouldn't shock or offend anyone.

I have a bit of thing about condolence cards too. If you can't think of anything more to say than 'thinking of you', then you're probably not! But I recognise I might be BU with that.

"Another one bites the dust" ?
I prefer died but I try to take my lead from people I'm talking to

Totally agree. I once worked with someone who was previously employed at a children's hospice and they had to call it what it is, to avoid any ambiguity with words like "passed" and "lost".

Really? The "Am I an old moaner who should let other people...".

Nobody has any business judging other people for the way they refer to the death of their people.