To hate the term “Passed away”?

[ALovelyShadeofMauve]

Or even worse, simply “Passed”?

I understand people sometimes don’t want to be too blunt around the subject of death. But I’m not suggesting we say “Sorry, Granny’s kicked the bucket/turned up her toes/cashed in her chips” instead. Why can’t we just be honest and factual and use the word “died”?

I find “passed away” or “passed” quite cringey and performative. It seems to imply something peaceful and ethereal; as if it’s just one door closing and another opening as part of the beautiful cycle of life, where we’ll all be reunited in the next world, and that bodies are just vessels for our spiritual energy and so on… Fine if you believe that, but for a lot of us, when you’re dead, that’s it. We don’t need it soft-soaping.

I don’t mind it so much when it’s someone very elderly who has had a genuinely peaceful death. But I’ve seen it used more and more often recently when people have not only died very young, but also in terrible accidents or by suicide. That is not “passing away” - that is a tragedy, possibly involving a lot of suffering, and/or mental pain beforehand. Why try to make out it was all part of the natural circle of life?

Am I just being an old moaner who should let people use whatever expression brings them comfort? Or is it offensive to act like a sudden, painful death is no different to quietly going in your sleep at 95?

I’ve told my lot that I’m dying and when I die they should say I’m dead. All this passing nonsense sets my teeth on edge.

I agree but I’m also very averse to the dead dictating things from beyond the grave. Leave grieving to the living.

This. It's no-one else's bloody business if a bereaved person balks at the word death. Police your own vocabulary.

It is this for me too. I always think lost makes it sound like I've just left them to wonder off somewhere and I'm going to go back and find them later. I find it a strange use of the word.

I would rather use died but I don't mind passed away just not lost.

Because if I have an issue with something someone says on a particular thread, I'll take issue with that directly and on that actual thread. And unless their point is really outlandish I'll do so as tactfully as possible.

Making spiteful comments about them on other threads which then prompt other posters to laugh at them are another matter entirely.

As I said: unpleasant.

I don't like the Americanism of "passed" and I do appreciate what posters are saying about "passed away". But when my DH died quite suddenly (literally dropped down dead in the hallway in front of me) in his 40's I found it very hard to say the word "dead" about him. It was too raw, too surreal. I can't really articulate my thoughts but I found it easier to say he had "passed away" for probably around a year afterwards.

I'm very sorry indeed to read this, @Blossomtoes. Sending much goodwill your way

Thank you, I appreciate your kindness but my demise isn’t imminent!

I have never been so pleased to have misread the meaning of a post!

Oh, you really are lovely. Thank you so much. That’s warmed my heart.

*TW at the end of this comment I mention suicide please ignore if you’d rather not read it.
I tend to say someone has died but I wouldn’t think anything of it if someone said passed away. The one I hate which really grates me is when someone is ‘unalive’ or they have ‘unalived’ themselves. I understand it started as a way round talking about death or suicide on some socials or YouTube so it can’t be censored and deleted but in real life, an actual conversation it’s not needed!!

Once I know what people mean, I don't care what term they use.
My friend's DB died recently, she messaged me to say he was "gone", I knew exactly what she meant. When I was passing the message along to people who did not know her so well, I said that he had died, to avoid any doubt.
Context will tell you quite quickly if "passed" means died or passed exam/driving text, but there is sometimes that tiny moment of confusion if someone says someone has passed when you have no context.
Sometimes when pets are described as lost or gone, I have to wait for a bit more info before I am sure what they mean.

I already explained "unalive" further up the thread. FB and maybe other social media started censoring posts with "dead" "died" "dying" and so on in, so "unalive" and "unalived" started being used to get around the censor. I buy crafting USB's and part of the brand name was "cutting" They had to change it because FB were censoring it because of the potential meaning linked to self harm. Go figure.

Far better than euthanised as someone suggested earlier in the thread.

I still say my cat crossed the bridge and don’t really care what anyone else thinks

Euthanasia is derived from Greek for "A Good Death"

On the subject of animal death ( rather than human loved ones ) I prefer to use euthanised for a vet intervention death .
Put to Sleep -not a fan. Or worse "destroyed" .

Rainbow Bridge for my pets

I always say passed away - “died” is too raw a word!

My dad died in December. I say passed away, when I have to mention it, as I can't bring myself to say died out loud.

I couldn't give a fuck what other people think about it.

Yanbu my DH uses passed away and I just find it odd. They died. Maybe because my parents growing up just said died for people, dogs, other pets... that i find it normal and not less "comforting"

I do ask my non religious DH where they are passing to exactly but he just thinks i am callous to say died. All very irrational!

Agreed my mum passed away five weeks ago it's up to me the language i use

I agree about destroyed, it sounds so cold and callous. I still couldn’t bring myself to say ‘Harry was euthanised’, so I use either ‘put to sleep’ or ‘crossed the Bridge’ depending on context.

I have no idea what I used when I told my boss I’d be working from home after Harry died but it must have made some sort of sense

Exactly this. I've just lost my sister and I've said passed away when having to message people or talking about it which is incredibly difficult as she's left a young child behind and our family will never be the same again. It sounds gentler and more peaceful and anything that makes the horrific reality of watching her take her last breaths a little bit more peaceful? I'll take it

Yeah, saying an animal/pet is 'crossing the rainbow bridge,' is much nicer than saying they have 'been euthanized.' It sounds like they are going on to a lovely (and possibly) better place. 💓

Sometimes people say it because they haven’t got used to the idea that the person is dead yet. They won’t always say it, but at that particular time, it’s easier for them. I don’t understand how anyone could have a problem with that.

People just use different terms to you - that’s all. Passed away to me means also factually dead so really - both mean the same thing. I’m culturally from Asia and we only ever say passed away. Well - my family anyway.

Totally agree. All such euphemisms are twee, sentimental and easily misunderstood. If somebody says "John has passed", the first thing I'd think would be "his A levels? Driving test?".
Similarly, "we lost John" makes him sound like a mislaid umbrella.
We all die - it's not a word to shy away from.