Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blanked him after he cancelled our date, AIBU?

187 replies

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:35

New relationship of 6 months.

He can be a bit flaky. I try to be understanding when he's stressed with work / family matters but after him cancelling on me at short notice this morning I'm left feeling sad and unappreciated again (because it isn't the first time, he has form for it)

We won't be able to see one another next week so planned to go for a 'valentines day breakfast' this morning, as we generally can't do Fridays and weekends (children/work) and won't see each other for the next 10 days.

He text me at 7am saying

"I feel like shit today. I just want to get DC into school and get back home to relax before work. How about you take (friend) for breakfast and i'll see you tomorrow if you can do that. Sorry to cancel"

He isn't ill, that isn't what he means. He means he's tired or can't be arsed.

It upset me. I'd made an effort and was excited to see him. He knows Fridays aren't realistic.

I replied "oh thanks a bunch, it's very short notice"

Sorry, he says.

I spent the day feeling sad and unappreciated.

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?

There is a pattern of me putting in more effort and energy than he does and I'm just tired of it.

No idea when I'll hear from him again and not sure I want to now.

Am I unreasonable and petty or is this perfectly reasonable after being messed around?

OP posts:
WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 14/02/2025 09:55

Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 09:22

He has just text me to say happy valentines day, I'm going to break it off now.

Thank you all for the words of wisdom yesterday, it really helped me to keep sight of the fact that whilst blanking him in the street was a bit unreasonable, calling it a day isn't.

Well done you, be proud of yourself. Go out for lunch or simply a posh coffee and celebrate your self respect 👏👏👏

RetroTotty · 14/02/2025 09:57

Have a Valentine's day with yourself! nice meal, flowers, chocs. wine? Raise a glass - Happy Valentine's to newly free ME!!!!!

pimplebum · 14/02/2025 10:03

Sounds a bit depressed ? If you are so sure he is not ill and there is a lot going around ?

but you are under no obligation to date someone depressed

blanking him was rude and immature
next time try assertiveness and say I don’t enjoy flaky you don’t need to sparkle everytime I see you but don’t cancel when his time is not flexible and he has responsibilities

RetroTotty · 14/02/2025 10:08

He simply cba @pimplebum and took OP for granted. That is clear to most of us on this thread.

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 10:42

He does suffer from intermittent depression that much is true (and why I've always been so understanding and flexible) but unfortunately he doesn't do much if anything to help himself. He won't take antidepressants, he's had therapy once and said it was a waste of time.

It's got to the point where he has started to negatively impact my own mood and mental health, I spent yesterday feeling really rubbish.

He doesn't consider how his behaviour impacts other people.

I think he was expecting me to bend and see him today, hence the happy valentines message.

I have replied and said that his unreliability and habit of cancelling at short notice has become a real problem for me and its not something I want in my life or from a relationship.

Edited to add - I've booked myself in to get my hair done on Tuesday as a pick me up and I'm taking your advice and taking myself out for tea today 😊

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2025 11:10

6 months in and he's so flaky that "he has started to negatively impact [your] mood and mental health". So glad to see you have now ended it. Don't allow him to wheedle his way back in!

"He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?"

How would I have handled it? I'd have kept walking too. I wouldn't have cared if he'd thought I was rude, not after his repeated rudeness, his repeated much-worse-than-you rudeness. Not after that stunt he'd pulled on you that very morning. Consequences. We teach our children that bad behaviour will bring consequences. His behaviour was bad, your deciding not to accept it was the consequence.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 14/02/2025 11:17

Dump him! He isn’t worth it.

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 13:07

Well done, OP. Onwards and upwards.

AngelicKaty · 14/02/2025 14:07

Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 10:42

He does suffer from intermittent depression that much is true (and why I've always been so understanding and flexible) but unfortunately he doesn't do much if anything to help himself. He won't take antidepressants, he's had therapy once and said it was a waste of time.

It's got to the point where he has started to negatively impact my own mood and mental health, I spent yesterday feeling really rubbish.

He doesn't consider how his behaviour impacts other people.

I think he was expecting me to bend and see him today, hence the happy valentines message.

I have replied and said that his unreliability and habit of cancelling at short notice has become a real problem for me and its not something I want in my life or from a relationship.

Edited to add - I've booked myself in to get my hair done on Tuesday as a pick me up and I'm taking your advice and taking myself out for tea today 😊

Edited

Well done OP for realising you deserve better - WAAAAAAAY better. 😊
I think it's interesting that, despite you blanking him in the street yesterday, his next contact with you is to wish you Happy Valentine's Day today. Am I the only one to see the sheer arrogance in this? After you blanked him, why didn't he message you to say "Hi sweetheart, I've obviously upset you and I'm really sorry. Can we talk?" Instead, he messages you today like its all glossed over. I hope he's bloody reeling at your response OP - you've taught him a valuable life lesson in how not to treat someone he's supposed to care about.
Have a lovely day OP - I'll raise a glass of bubbles to you later! 🤗

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 14:19

That's exactly what he does, if ever there's a minor disagreement or he has been a bit of an arse he pops back up like nothing has happened and expects you to have moved on from it with no actual discussion.

Imagine being married to someone like that for 20 years, it would drive me mental.

Thank you for the good wishes ☺️

OP posts:
SALaw · 14/02/2025 14:24

I'd have done the same but that would also be the end for me.

Olika · 14/02/2025 15:26

Well done. 👏

Clarice99 · 14/02/2025 15:34

Well done @Sadorpetty

You're worth more than someone who's flaky and apathetic.

💐

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 14/02/2025 17:46

I put YABU but only to blanking him. After 6 months I’d at least message and explain!
I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to rest if he’s not feeling up for it but you’re not being unreasonable to want more commitment after 6 month. you clearly just want different things unfortunately.

SuzieQ300 · 14/02/2025 18:07

If he can't be bothered 6 months in I'd give this one a miss. At 6 months you should be butterflies in stomachs excited to see each other.

FriendsDrinkBook · 14/02/2025 18:12

I'm happy for you op. It sounds like you've made the right decision.

SigmaStarFlower · 14/02/2025 18:18

You’re absolutely right to be annoyed and ignore him if that’s how you felt. He needs a taste of his own medicine. Weirdly some men think being given the brush off is a woman’s way of playing hard to get 😆 So he might start chasing you! Sounds like neither of you are in the right place for the type of relationship that you want. However the fact you’ve put your foot down might test your relationship and could go either way, up a notch and he will pull his socks up or… dissolve leaving you free to date someone else. Hope my statement doesn’t offend anyone but I think most men enjoy (and need) a kick up the backside 😆

SigmaStarFlower · 14/02/2025 18:24

Just saw your last post. Yep walk away find someone who appreciates you x

Horses7 · 14/02/2025 18:36

He’s just not that into you. Don’t waste anymore time on him.

asrl78 · 14/02/2025 18:49

For it to be classed as a relationship both people have to be putting in some effort. If he is constantly too tired/can't be bothered due to commitments then he shouldn't be dating until he can find the time and energy. Date someone who can be bothered.

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 21:34

I agree he's not in the right space for a relationship if he can't commit to plans.

He didn't open my message calling it a day but I know he saw it. It's on WhatsApp and he gets the whole message as a push notification.

I think, knowing him, the lack of response might be a tactic on his part. He's probably expecting me to follow up on it and message again, hurt and baffled that he hasn't acknowledged me, I won't be doing.

OP posts:
Bowies · 14/02/2025 21:36

Just move on OP. He’s made it very easy

AngelicKaty · 14/02/2025 21:48

@Sadorpetty Glad to hear you won't be provoked OP. Again, if he really cared he'd be messaging you to apologise and ask for a second chance. He knows you've got him sussed now and he's doing nothing to alter your opinion. He won't change - ever.
Enjoy your freedom and let's raise a glass to not having your self-esteem undermined again - Cheers OP!🍾🤗

TheLargestToblerone · 14/02/2025 21:52

I think, knowing him, the lack of response might be a tactic on his part. He's probably expecting me to follow up on it and message again, hurt and baffled that he hasn't acknowledged me

What an excellent way for him to prove you've made the right decision. I hope it makes it easier to know that he's this much of a tit.

RubyRedBow · 14/02/2025 23:24

He’s been dumped so he doesn’t need to respond to it. He can’t be overly bothered.