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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blanked him after he cancelled our date, AIBU?

187 replies

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:35

New relationship of 6 months.

He can be a bit flaky. I try to be understanding when he's stressed with work / family matters but after him cancelling on me at short notice this morning I'm left feeling sad and unappreciated again (because it isn't the first time, he has form for it)

We won't be able to see one another next week so planned to go for a 'valentines day breakfast' this morning, as we generally can't do Fridays and weekends (children/work) and won't see each other for the next 10 days.

He text me at 7am saying

"I feel like shit today. I just want to get DC into school and get back home to relax before work. How about you take (friend) for breakfast and i'll see you tomorrow if you can do that. Sorry to cancel"

He isn't ill, that isn't what he means. He means he's tired or can't be arsed.

It upset me. I'd made an effort and was excited to see him. He knows Fridays aren't realistic.

I replied "oh thanks a bunch, it's very short notice"

Sorry, he says.

I spent the day feeling sad and unappreciated.

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?

There is a pattern of me putting in more effort and energy than he does and I'm just tired of it.

No idea when I'll hear from him again and not sure I want to now.

Am I unreasonable and petty or is this perfectly reasonable after being messed around?

OP posts:
SwerveCity · 13/02/2025 17:24

Six months in and he already can’t be bothered to make an effort to see you? Ditch him.

Waitingfordaffs · 13/02/2025 17:25

Get rid of him - he is standing in the way of you meeting someone decent

soarklyknobs · 13/02/2025 17:25

He's just not that into you 🤷‍♀️

Rockschooldropout · 13/02/2025 17:26

Six months in you should still be excited to see each other . He clearly isn’t . End it

IfYouLook · 13/02/2025 17:26

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 17:22

I'm prepared to own it, it is very 'throwing my toys out the pram' I agree.

For wider context, the last time he cancelled last minute to reschedule was only on Monday, he called when I was already driving over to say can we do Tuesday night instead as he has to do something for his brother.

I was accommodating and said no problem, despite being peeved as I was already en route, and saw him Tuesday as asked.

That wasn't the first time by a long shot though. He has consistently shown me that I'm never a priority.

So this today, so soon after that, feels like the straw that broke the camels back iyswim?

Edited

That’s absolute bullshit I’d never accept that. I’m 3.5 years into a relationship post divorce. We both have busy lives, I’ve got 3 kids, we live over an he away from each other. We have never ever once cancelled on each other. We always want to see each other and make a big effort to do so. Never gone more than a week without doing so either

outerspacepotato · 13/02/2025 17:27

He's a flake and he'd rather do other things than see you. He's not that into you.

And this is as good as he's ever going to be. This is the new relationship energy time and he just doesn't have it.

L0bstersLass · 13/02/2025 17:27

Perfectly reasonable of you.
Keep walking, well away from him.
He's a waste of time.
You deserve better

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 13/02/2025 17:27

Blanking him was what you felt like doing at the time, so it was a genuine response rather than a bit of drama, but it hasn't solved anything. His behaviour is insulting, assuming you'll be there when he feels like seeing you but that he can change his mind minutes before you are due to meet. Looks as if he'll have to go, sadly.

fatphalange · 13/02/2025 17:28

Don't be drawn into petulant game playing, just send a text and end it. It's not working for either of you.
I can't imagine being bothered about wanting a man enough to try and shoehorn a relationship into my life if I couldn't do Fridays or weekends though. It sounds stressful, tiring and pointless.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:28

Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 17:24

Usually no, but a breakfast on a week day. Does that mean at 7am before they go to work??
I couldn't love anyone enough to do that.

Show quote history

But then you wouldn't agree to in the first place, surely?

Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 17:31

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:28

But then you wouldn't agree to in the first place, surely?

Show quote history

No. I've got enough experience with mornings. There have been morning things in the past that I've ended up bailing out of....I understand that some people are optimistic about getting places.

Pistolpunk · 13/02/2025 17:32

Maybe he thinks it's fine to cancel things because you have been so understanding other times it has happened. Either way 6 months is generally when you know if it's working out or not.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 13/02/2025 17:34

Tell him you don't think this is working out so you think it's best to call it a day.

Then block him.

Dandelion193 · 13/02/2025 17:35

Gettingslimmer · 13/02/2025 17:22

Hmm. I don’t work like that, I can agree to something and then wake up, feel crap, be harassed and say to the person I can’t do it but will catch you later, if it’s a big important thing clearly not. The ossue was seeing him was a big important thing to her, where as he was just thinking kids, work. It’s just breakfast I will make an effort to see her later.

Show quote history

That's fine if you don't work like that, but I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like you if a minor mood change means you'll cancel last minute on something I was looking forward to. Hence why I told op to find someone willing to put in the same effort, you would be a better match with op's boyfriend than her if you're happy that's acceptable behaviour. It's not acceptable to her, so she needs someone who matches her effort

Roselilly36 · 13/02/2025 17:36

If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it. It’s a new relationship OP, it isn’t going to be what you are looking for, better you know now.

RubyRedBow · 13/02/2025 17:37

He’s clearly burnt out and needed some time for himself - Nothing wrong with that at all.

You’ve acted unfairly by sulking.

Semiramide · 13/02/2025 17:37

I agree a conversation has to be had.

I disagree. By childishly blanking him you have told him very clearly that you are done.

Should he get in touch, just tell him "this isn't working for me - I'm done".

PeloMom · 13/02/2025 17:38

RubyRedBow · 13/02/2025 17:37

He’s clearly burnt out and needed some time for himself - Nothing wrong with that at all.

You’ve acted unfairly by sulking.

That’s fine but he shouldn’t waste OP’s time and potential to be with a person who’s ready to date. He should break up and stay single until he’s ready.

MissUltraViolet · 13/02/2025 17:39

For me the short notice cancellation is annoying but potentially understandable as a single parent with school runs and work etc.

This situation is very different though. I think the fact that he literally cancelled because he just couldn’t be arsed and wanted to chill before work, knowing doing so also means he can’t see you for another 10 days, is a joke.

You have made him a priority and he has made you an option. Go find yourself a man that makes you the priority.

Gettingslimmer · 13/02/2025 17:40

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 17:24

Also to add it was him that suggested going for breakfast in the first place 😬

Ok but he was knackered and was dealing with kids and work. Yes it is disappointing, but it’s clear the ignoring him when he found you as he said he would was really shitty, I’d bin for that but not for the cancelling as he found be later.

i don’t think you’re going to end it, I think you’re going to try to explain and apologise so he doesn’t end it.

Undrugged · 13/02/2025 17:41

Twice in a week?? Bye! Cheeky sod.

It’d be a short text and block from me.

RubyRedBow · 13/02/2025 17:43

Dror · 13/02/2025 16:39

You're not going to see him for ten days and he openly can't be bothered to see you.
Believe him.
Match his energy and discard him.

He suggested tomorrow as an alternative AND he tried to walk over to her tonight and was blanked.

He is clearly making some effort but none of it seems good enough for OP yet she is still wondering when she will hear from him. I would stop bothering after being blanked.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:43

RubyRedBow · 13/02/2025 17:37

He’s clearly burnt out and needed some time for himself - Nothing wrong with that at all.

You’ve acted unfairly by sulking.

Then he shouldn't have asked her to breakfast Hmm

He also cancelled on her three days ago.

MissUltraViolet · 13/02/2025 17:43

RubyRedBow · 13/02/2025 17:37

He’s clearly burnt out and needed some time for himself - Nothing wrong with that at all.

You’ve acted unfairly by sulking.

He also could have put SOME effort in still. He could have suggested they order some breakfast instead/he picks something up on way back from school run and spend time together at his house.

He could have spoken to OP about how tired he is and maybe she would have offered to grab some coffees and just go relax with him for a bit.

It was just a straight up “too tired, sorry” with no fucks given that he can’t see her for another ten days.

Neveranynamesleft · 13/02/2025 17:44

He isn't worth the time and energy it took for you to type out your post.
Life is too short, you deserve better, move on.