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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DC & OnlyFans

229 replies

Clorrien · 22/01/2025 10:57

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsure what to do.
A few days ago DD (20) and I had a conversation about the likes of BonnieBlue and Lily Phillips. Mostly talking about how exploitative the porn industry is.
Anyway during the conversation she told me, someone we know has a “popular” onlyfans account. She then went on to tell me it is the daughter of one of my closest friends. The girl in question is 22. DD says she only knows as there is a link in one of her social media bios and a few of them who know her have spoken about it. I’m shocked tbh, this girl is beautiful, extremely intelligent (she got a full ride scholarship for a top US uni), and always seemed very well adjusted. Her family are very normal as well, parents very loving, not bad off financially so she has never wanted for anything. Apparently she uses a pseudonym but that seems beside the point.

Anyway, this girls mum and I talk most days and I’m finding it hard to not tell her, I doubt she knows and if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her.

WIBU to tell my friend? Or is it none of my business.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 22/01/2025 10:59

If the link is openly in her social media bios surely her parents have already been told?

And why does she use a pseudonym if it’s linked in her bio?

Original poster
Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:00

loropianalover · 22/01/2025 10:59

If the link is openly in her social media bios surely her parents have already been told?

And why does she use a pseudonym if it’s linked in her bio?

Edited

Apparently it’s on her TikTok which she also uses a pseudonym on.

OP posts:
FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:02
  1. You're very judgemental tbh, there's something uncomfortable about the way you talk about her being intelligent like you expect OF people to be thick
  2. It's linked on her socials it's not a secret
  3. Don't interfere.
LittleRedRidingHoody · 22/01/2025 11:05

As a parent, how is she supposed to 'protect' her? I highly doubt the adult daughter is happily going to stop because her mum gets involved!

Also, yes the porn industry is hugely exploitative but using OF, if she's popular she'll be making decent money and controlling everything herself. She'll know what she's doing, and why, and at 22 quite frankly it's none of your business!

Original poster
Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:05

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:02

  1. You're very judgemental tbh, there's something uncomfortable about the way you talk about her being intelligent like you expect OF people to be thick
  2. It's linked on her socials it's not a secret
  3. Don't interfere.

I highly doubt my friend knows, like I said the account it’s linked to is also under a pseudonym.
And yes I think you have to be pretty stupid to risk yourself like that.

OP posts:
Areyounotentertained · 22/01/2025 11:09

respectfully, it’s none of your business. Their DD is an adult and what she does with her body is her choice. Yes that industry can be used to exploit people but as with anything, you also get women who do it because it makes them feel empowered.

i used to know someone who had a fetish for belittling men and she used to work at a weird kind of fetish club in London where men would pay her to “abuse” them (for lack of a better word). All safe and consensual

OF has never been my cup of tea but I’m also not bothered by people who engage in it

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 11:09

I don’t fully understand your arguments or logic here to be honest, she’s 22, this is her life and her choice, and with OF she’s in control of what she is posting, she’s old enough to make those decisions, and not sure what relevance her being intelligent has, unless you’re suggesting that the only people who use OF are stupid?

I have a couple of friends who have done OF, one who still does, it doesn’t make them terrible people or people that need protection from themselves.

Mind your own business.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 22/01/2025 11:18

You really want to tell a 22yo woman's mum on her for what she chooses to do with her own body?

Think about the position she would be in as well if she doesnt know, however she may already know anyway and is being discreet for her dds sake.

Just forget you even know, you're just going to cause trouble. Her mum can't do anything about it anyway, she's an adult.

Itrytobesensible · 22/01/2025 11:18

If she is your closest friend I would tell her.
It is obviously open knowledge to a lot of people so why should your friend be the only one in the dark?
It's up to her what she does with the information.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:25

Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:05

I highly doubt my friend knows, like I said the account it’s linked to is also under a pseudonym.
And yes I think you have to be pretty stupid to risk yourself like that.

Show quote history

You don't have to do a BonnieBlue/Lily and sleep with 100s of men to be on OF

You could literally just sell feet photos. Or, if she has a good degree, could put on some sexy glasses and a tight dress and play up as a sexy teacher whilst giving actual lectures on science or whatever (pretty sure there's a woman who did this).

There's a whole world of fetush out there to exploit and use.

There are dangers around being stalked etc but I some how don't think that's what you meant

Largestlegocollectionever · 22/01/2025 11:32

Yes if it was my close friends daughter I’d tell her, but I also have no issues with OF and don’t have the hang ups you clearly have around it….. so maybe best if you don’t!

Mrsttcno1 · 22/01/2025 11:35

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:25

You don't have to do a BonnieBlue/Lily and sleep with 100s of men to be on OF

You could literally just sell feet photos. Or, if she has a good degree, could put on some sexy glasses and a tight dress and play up as a sexy teacher whilst giving actual lectures on science or whatever (pretty sure there's a woman who did this).

There's a whole world of fetush out there to exploit and use.

There are dangers around being stalked etc but I some how don't think that's what you meant

Show quote history

Exactly this.

As I say I have friends who have done/do it, and when you’re sitting catching up and hearing about how just that morning she’s made £1500 for a 30 second video of her feet and £500 for extra photos of her feet you start to wonder if you’re in the wrong job!😂

Globusmedia · 22/01/2025 11:36

Running to tell her mum on her?

If she hasn't told her mum then that's her business. It's not up to you.

Runningoutofthyme · 22/01/2025 11:37

OF isn’t just sex though, unless you’ve seen the content
Lily Allen makes £ from feet pictures 😂

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:37

And, as someone said, her mum might already know but either be ashamed of judgment (which it sounds like you'd give a heavy dose of) or respecting her daughter's privacy and not told you (because it's not really your business)

Original poster
Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:38

Okay, I won’t tell her, but it’s mind boggling to me.
Apparently she has 2000+ subscribers according to DD and DD reckons she’s bringing in well over £10,000 a month so I’m sure my friend will realise soon enough!

OP posts:
TY78910 · 22/01/2025 11:42

Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:38

Okay, I won’t tell her, but it’s mind boggling to me.
Apparently she has 2000+ subscribers according to DD and DD reckons she’s bringing in well over £10,000 a month so I’m sure my friend will realise soon enough!

Sounds like a good deal to me!

I think gone are the days when 'sex work' was something to be ashamed of.

Like PPs have said, you don't know what she does on there, can be feet, can be tight clothing or full on porn - the spectrum is very wide.

Either way, as long as she is not coerced in to doing it, then good on her. 10k is great, not like she's doing it for little reward.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 22/01/2025 11:42

Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:38

Okay, I won’t tell her, but it’s mind boggling to me.
Apparently she has 2000+ subscribers according to DD and DD reckons she’s bringing in well over £10,000 a month so I’m sure my friend will realise soon enough!

Sounds like it's less about concern and more about you just wanting a good old gossip tbh.

Itrytobesensible · 22/01/2025 11:45

Largestlegocollectionever · 22/01/2025 11:32

Yes if it was my close friends daughter I’d tell her, but I also have no issues with OF and don’t have the hang ups you clearly have around it….. so maybe best if you don’t!

The MN take on Only Fans is generally pretty hypocritical:
The general take is we shouldn't judge or stigmatise the women who sell themselves on the platform and they have every right to do this form of work. But as soon as some OP comes on distraught because her DP/ DH has an Only Fans account everyone is piling on telling her it's cheating, he's a creep and a pervert etc.
And to muddy the waters further a lot of women are somehow OK with their DP/DH getting off on porn but getting off to a women performing on Only Fans is a total no no for them.
I just hate the hypocrisy when they call women such as Bonnie Blue and Lily Philips " Only Fans models". Trying to sanitise what they do. They are prostitutes. Why not just call them that?

User09678 · 22/01/2025 11:47

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 22/01/2025 11:02

  1. You're very judgemental tbh, there's something uncomfortable about the way you talk about her being intelligent like you expect OF people to be thick
  2. It's linked on her socials it's not a secret
  3. Don't interfere.

It's such an heartbreaking act of self harm, that there has to be a deficit of some kind at play.

Chunkychips23 · 22/01/2025 11:47

It’s literally none of your business what she does with her body. It’s not even like this is coming from a place of concern, just pure judgement.

Original poster
Clorrien · 22/01/2025 11:48

For those saying it could be feet pics etc. according to DD that’s not the case, she is actually having sex with people.

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 22/01/2025 11:50

I have a collection of very fancy or alternative style shoes, I'd be lying if i said i hadn't considered taking and posting a few feet pics in them to test the market. Maybe i'd be good for foot fetish, i have quite unusually short toes, some might be in to that. Grin

Januarybirthdaysarehardtomakefun · 22/01/2025 11:50

I would want to know if my DD was doing it

User09678 · 22/01/2025 11:50

My oldest went to high school with a couple of kids whose mother's had only fans. The police were regularly called to fights that broke out because of course other boys had this material on their phones and were showing it around all the time to taunt them. What an utterly disgraceful thing to put your children through.