Friends DC & OnlyFans

[Clorrien]

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsure what to do.
A few days ago DD (20) and I had a conversation about the likes of BonnieBlue and Lily Phillips. Mostly talking about how exploitative the porn industry is.
Anyway during the conversation she told me, someone we know has a “popular” onlyfans account. She then went on to tell me it is the daughter of one of my closest friends. The girl in question is 22. DD says she only knows as there is a link in one of her social media bios and a few of them who know her have spoken about it. I’m shocked tbh, this girl is beautiful, extremely intelligent (she got a full ride scholarship for a top US uni), and always seemed very well adjusted. Her family are very normal as well, parents very loving, not bad off financially so she has never wanted for anything. Apparently she uses a pseudonym but that seems beside the point.

Anyway, this girls mum and I talk most days and I’m finding it hard to not tell her, I doubt she knows and if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her.

WIBU to tell my friend? Or is it none of my business.

I wouldn't have said anything. I'd be pretty pissed off if a friend of mine judged my adult daughter's choices so much that they felt compelled to report it to me. Because that's what it is. Judgement.

Waiting a few years and having a mortgage is fine too, and with a vastly higher chance of a safe and happy life. If she rises up those professions, she could earn more than £10k/ month as she gets older, whereas her porn and prostitution earnings will significantly reduce over the years. Life isn't about focusing only on the 3 years immediately in front of you; over the course of 20 years, she would earn more from an intellectual profession than from sex.

How does she know that, has she seen her OF or has the girl told her?

What kind of 'support'?

Just because she does OF doesn't mean she sleeps with anyone?! Lots of people just do topless or they wank etc but they are alone.
It's up to her if she wants to do it anyway. You shouldn't be so judgemental and say you want to tell her mum?! Why? So you can say how disgusted you are?
It's clearly not aimed at the likes of you so it seems bizarre that you even know tbh.
Just forget about it.

Mind your own bloody business. It's not up to you what an ADULT woman chooses to do with her body.

Being intelligent has no connection whatsoever to being sensible afaik. This girl is being exploited by the porn industry, because that's what OF is, a free intro into using pornography. She has learned to see her body as a commodity - very neo-liberal - and needs help.
Not judgemental to say someone prostituted is in danger is doing something dangerous. OF needs shutting down and the porn industry criminalised.

Anyone remember Belle de Jour? She loved her time as an escort, it doesn't seem to have harmed her career as a scientist.

If you'd read the actual quotes that my comment was attached to you'd see that wasn't what I was saying at all. A previous poster had said that at 22 she may not have considered the impact that sex work may have on finding a decent future partner or on future children.
I wasn't saying that all women want just to get married and that's their sole life goal.
It may surprise you to know it's perfectly possible to have a great life, great career( not in sex work) and want to be married to a decent person as well. Marriage certainly is still even in 2025 something that many women and men want, if the numbers of my( married) children's friends who have married and are engaged over the past couple of years is anything to go by.

The young woman is being exploited - OF is exploitation. Most women on there don't earn 10k a month but they are viewed by men who think women are commodities there to service them. And the content won't go away, it could/might come back to haunt the young women years down the line, when she is doing well in her career, married with children - it could end by devastating her life even more than using her body as a commodity will.

Aside from the fact that this post is very outing (how many 22 year olds with an onlyfans and a scholarship to the US are there) it’s also none of your business. The person involved isn’t a child, she’s an adult in her 20’s. She also presumably wasn’t trying to make a secret of it given she had it linked in her bio.

All you’ve done here is make it glaringly obvious to your friend that you’re judging her daughter so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t distance herself from now on.

To be honest I’m not sure I’d want to know if my adult child was on it. My adult dd is pretty switched on about the online world and I wouldn’t class her as vulnerable. She’s a grown up and if she wanted to sell pics or videos of herself that’s up to her. I mean, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but I’d keep out of it and hope she’d speak to me if she got into any kind of trouble.

I can see why it would be important to know if you had a kid with a learning disability or needed a bit of protecting though. There are some weirdos out there.

if she was a child, I'd say you absolutely have a right to react like this and tell her parent. But at 22, she can do as she pleases. Her parents may know, they may not.

If you are genuinely that concerned then maybe contact her directly and say "sorry for being an old fuddy duddy, all this OF stuff is so new to me, I just wanted to check you're safe and happy because I care about you and as long as you are, and know where I am if you're ever in a pickle and need help, I'll leave you to it!"

I would not distance myself, I would try very hard to stop my DD doing this. It is prostitution, commodification of her body, selling herself for men to wank over. I'd want to know and I'd want to do something about it. The weird, anti-woman, anti-body self-respect on this thread is awful.

Whatever you do in this life you sell your body and soul to someone. If this woman can earn 10k a month having sex on onlyfans rather than slaving away for minimum wage for some big corporation then more power to her.

I can't get mad about what consenting adults do with their bodies, and that means consenting on all sides.

Sex sells, always has always will. If we keep relegating it to something seedy and bad all we do is make it easier for those who want to coerce and exploit others.
Bring it out into the open I say, make it easy for people to check what they're purchasing is being offered via free will, and actually enforce harsh punishment for those who prey on the vulnerable. (and for clarity deciding to sell one's body in any shape or form does not automatically make someone vulnerable just because you don't like it)

Ah yes, because criminalising sex work makes it go away instantly 🙄

Really? I mean, you'd really just keep out of it? No, not buying that.

I think it was unkind of you to send a message rather than a phone call, at the very least.

Leave her mother to it now, she's probably devastated, I know I would be.

@Grammarnut I don't really disagree. But I don't think it's OP's place to start voicing her displeasure about it to the girls parents. She's an adult. If it was her own daughter then I get it, but this isn't really her business.

I live in Spain. In much of continental Europe you are responsible for your DCs until 24.

It is so young. I would tell her.

Oh the cringe! I hope this teaches you not to get involved in future.

I am pleased you did OP

Agree.

That's why I think this post is BS.

It seems like it's been posted to perpetuate the myth that there are happy, well adjusted, trauma free, rich sex workers, just going about their daily lives with no ill effects.

Bollocks.

The likelihood is that her mum is trying or has tried to talk her daughter out of it. The reality is that at 22 she can’t force her daughter to do anything. My point is that even if you don’t like something your child is doing, if you love them then other people making judgy comments is always going to be hurtful and cause a rift.

But she has made a poor decision. The kinks you mention can be damaging and 'doing what we like with our own bodies' is a synonym for all sorts of nasties such as BDSM (try reading 'Justine' if you want to know what sadism means - it's by de Sade). Sex positivity ideas have played into women seeing themselves as sellable commodities and OF is a free to the porn industry intro to their goods - which are damaging to women and girls. It has also led to young men thinking that the things they see on porn sites are normal and that they can expect/demand that their sexual partners do this e.g. strangling, bondage etc. Consent is all - but consent is not enough because women are often gaslighted into doing things they really do not like or want to do because of accusations they are frigid, or exhortations that everyone does it. It's not frigid not to risk strangling during sex and it is not prudish not to want seminal fluid ejacutated all over your face, followed by the golden shower.
That sensible, adult women should think OF is okay if you choose to do it makes me wonder where anyone's sense of self-respect has gone.