Friends DC & OnlyFans

[Clorrien]

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsure what to do.
A few days ago DD (20) and I had a conversation about the likes of BonnieBlue and Lily Phillips. Mostly talking about how exploitative the porn industry is.
Anyway during the conversation she told me, someone we know has a “popular” onlyfans account. She then went on to tell me it is the daughter of one of my closest friends. The girl in question is 22. DD says she only knows as there is a link in one of her social media bios and a few of them who know her have spoken about it. I’m shocked tbh, this girl is beautiful, extremely intelligent (she got a full ride scholarship for a top US uni), and always seemed very well adjusted. Her family are very normal as well, parents very loving, not bad off financially so she has never wanted for anything. Apparently she uses a pseudonym but that seems beside the point.

Anyway, this girls mum and I talk most days and I’m finding it hard to not tell her, I doubt she knows and if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her.

WIBU to tell my friend? Or is it none of my business.

In Scotland people under 25 are considered young persons not adults. I would tell her mum especially if she is essentially putting on live sex shows.

That's your opinion @User09678
Mine is she knew the OP wouldn't be supportive or understanding and would be judgemental. Which she has demonstrated on this thread.

She is an adult, it’s not really the parents business. And if it’s public on her social media, it obviously means she’s not ashamed and open about the likes of doing it. I’m not the biggest ‘fan’ of people doing of but it’s not my business, it’s up to them as an individual about what they do with their lives

I would have wanted to know too, as she knows I wouldn't mention it further. I would respect a friend telling me as it's such a hard topic.

Agree with others that she is an adult, however, if it was my Daughter / Son I would have a chat with her and ask she is as safe as possible and try to find out if there is any underlying pressure causing her to do it, financial difficulties, pimp, etc. If they didn't want to tell me anything further, then obviously nothing I could do.

Blowjobs for healthcare? Rewild sex? What are you on about honestly 😂

At 22 with a degree, she could also be on her way to a career in accountancy, IT, HR, marketing, sales, or a wide range of other professions that make her financially independent without the physical, psychological and long-term risks of harm.

God its so grim isn't it? I can't believe all the empowered shit being spouted...
women take clothes off, women have sex with men for money, women give seedy men exactly what they want and it's empowered?

Not even slightly.

Yeah you can't do anything about it, she'll regret it when she realises how dark many men are and what she reduced herself to. Probably in her 40s it'll hit her

Why is Lily Allen able to sell pictures of her feet? It's not for Podiatrists reference... it's for men to wank over. So it IS just sex.

And I would totally tell her mum. She is doing sex work and it's grubby not empowering.

According to the OP this young woman is earning around £10k a month. Invested wisely she could own a property outright before the age of 25. There are very few jobs in the fields that you mention (in the UK anyway) that could provide the same salary and security in a similar time frame.

It's degrading and rotten to the core. Both the men who crave/drive the content and those who produce it. Imagine being so young and bright and having the world at your feet and choosing this seedy pathway. I'm sure it all seems flashy, empowering and easy money now but I can't imagine going down this path comes without mental burden later in life.

Yes but prostitution for a place to live is not where we want to be as a civilisation....

What you are quoting here is based on research in to street sex, not only fans. She is not physically selling her body, she is selling content. The ‘punters’ you are referring to are sitting behind a screen and as much as they can ask for something, she has a choice on whether she does it or not. Her mum would know if she’s been trafficked and forced in front of a screen.

Yes because that’s what all
women live for, to find a husband. Go
back to the 1950s

I'd tell the mum OP. She's your friend.
I find it revolting that these platforms exist, I find it very short sighted that people consider these activities as a reasonable income stream and I judge both the content creators and users.
So a well rounded 22 years old woman who did unbelievably well to gain a fill scholarship at a US university is leaving trails all over the internet, all related to sexual activities and acting for the benefit of all the men in the world who want to wank whilst watching her. Basically selling herself and throwing her reputation away.
If I started a contract with another business and found out their MD is or used to engage in such activities, I would not want to do business with them. I'd seriously question their ability to keep confidentiality as a starting point. If they can't keep their own body private, where does it stop.
The only times I would never judge women in such circumstances is if they have been exploited and coerced to perform or if they couldn't feed their children after exhausting all other avenues such as seeking help from family, friends, church, charities, government organisations.
There is absolutely zero need for any woman to do this, degrading themselves in the process and making a mockery of women's conditions.
And as for those that do it because they enjoy it? I don't believe that for one second. If really really that was their kink, surely they'd do it in private. That's the point about sexual activity, it's private, between the consenting adults. It shouldn't be for visual consumption of the public. A question of morality.

Is she a prostitute though? What she's doing is more akin to being a porn performer, except she has control over who she works with and how her image is marketed.

Say goodbye to that friendship.

I don't think it's true that women who choose to get involved in porn or prostitution know what they're doing and why in a meaningful sense. I think that's a lie that we comfort ourselves with, because the truth is too depressing.

The misogyny that we all live with is so all-pervasive that it's like the air that we breathe. We can't see it. We don't question how it works at its deepest level - we might get outraged at the most outrageous examples but we don't see how it is the scaffolding for our daily lives (down to who writes the Christmas cards for eg).

Very few people make decisions in a vacuum. They are always responding to/influenced by whatever is the dominant ideology.

The more dominant an ideology is, the harder it is to see. It's the virtuous circle of patriarchy (and other systems).

Hence the 'porn is empowering' narrative. 'Sex work is work' etc. Removing the sex aspect for a minute, 'girl boss' is the same thing.

Are the pp who are saying to mind your business the same ones saying Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue have mh issues and should have been helped before they got to the stage they're at?
Maybe it's my age but I don't think it's to be admired to sell your body for sex, not including desperate women who don't have choices in life.

I think if you are going to tell anyone you should look at the content with your own eyes first. Someone told someone who told someone who told your daughter it was full sex on there. It might just be saucy pictures, hands, feet anything. The spectrum of what is on there is vast and there's even non sexual stuff on only fans.

I think this has nothing to do with you. If she wants her mum to know then she'll tell her herself, she possibly already has. How can you know? Either way it's absolutely none of your business.

Id actually tell her mum yeah.

Do we think this is really genuine though, and it’s “just” feet? Genuinely curious, because if so, they are making a killing on men’s stupidity. The cynic in me says surely it’s more like real porn or why would someone pay? Just confused by it in general, as there was a woman on this morning selling her sweat. Also on lad bible. Apparently very popular on onlyfans. Her on tv vs. Her Instagram photos. Well. Wouldn’t have known they were the same person!

That sort of thing has been going on for years though. ‘Dumb blonde’ stereotype and a beautiful woman who wears makeup will not be taken seriously as a man would. Just a different catchphrase for pretty women are stupid

Nah I think it's way healthier for young women to have random sex with men after nights out or whatever, than in a controlled environment, pre-planned and, shock horror, get paid for it. 🙄

Thankfully this lass seems to have a mother that can be open enough to their daughter to see past all the judgemental shit from so called friends, the be able to have the daughter tell them and therefore be able to advise on any aspects of safety or worries there may be.