Mortified over 40th wwyd?

[dappledeverglade]

NC for this.

I have a friendship group (8 of us originally) dropped to 6 lately with a few others moving away. We have been good friends for 10 yrs plus, kids were all in primary school together. The dc have gone their separate ways at secondary level, but the friendship has remained as strong as ever. We see each other regularly, and I considered them good friends.

My dhs business isn’t doing very well, and my hours have been reduced, and as a result we’ve had to really rein in our expenses.

My friends have done some great things for their 40ths and I’m the last. I booked a a morning craft class and we will make and take away the finished product, followed by a lunch in a restaurant that is one of the nicest in the area. I had planned to decorate it really nicely. Dh will cover the cost as part of my present. We will also go on holiday with dc in the summer, to a place that has historical significance and is part of my ancestry.

I sent a message to the group with the details last week, and friend A lets call her Joan said sounds great but this is your 40th let’s organise something better, and suggested a girls weekend away. Friend B agreed. Friend C chips in it is a 40th after alll. And so on. They have all now organised the place, the dates and are now looking at flight times.

I don’t want to go. I really can’t afford to go. The wknd isn’t even something I would like to do. It’s really mortifying that they think my idea is so bad it needs to be replaced by a new plan.

I don’t even know what to say and wish I could just cancel now. I am crying now, aware I haven’t replied for ages. I want to call it off. My dh feels awful and embarrassed. Wwyd?

Dh and I are just about to look at Scotland. Maybe see the puffins, and spend some time with my kids instead.

Crafts and dinner sounds perfect, can I come 😆

I agree. It’s very ugly.

A craft session and lunch sounds perfect to me. Wish I could come! The weekend away would be hell on earth.

I’m afraid my sympathy is reserved for the OP, who is already feeling sad about her birthday celebrations being shat on by her friends and who didn’t need some spiteful mare off the internet telling her that her plans were crap and lame.

Assuming good intentions are you sure they know you wouldn't like this?

You have attended all of their birthdays which have been bigger celebrations, maybe they think you'd enjoy that?

You also say you like that Joan is a party girl so maybe she thinks she's doing you a favour?

I'm not saying they haven't handled this poorly, I just would assume good intentions and go from there.

I imagine they are trying to come up with something and pay for it themselves now.

I think they want it to be super special and worry this isn't special enough.

I love your idea. I did something almost identical for my 40th organised by my best friend as a surprise girls night.

Just don't throw away years of friendship over this. I think assuming people who love you have good intentions makes everything easier.

Mumsnet tends to frown on friendship groups among women, just keep that in mind with these responses.

I. Am mortified on your behalf over what has happened OP.

I would save the money,.and open a bottle of bubbly at home with you OH. 😁

That sounds like a lovely idea. You will have a much better time with people who love you for who you are and understand the kind of thing you will enjoy. I would just put something into the chat to say that your husband is taking you away for your birthday and maybe arrange coffee and cake at a later date with any of your friends that you want there.
Have a fabulous time with your family and don't give Joan a second thought.

Isle of May is excellent for puffins, April to July (ish) - the Scottish Seabird Centre gives a lot of info about puffins generally in Scotland. I hope you have a lovely time and enjoy your castles and lochs!

This is good.

This. I’d cancel the craft class and go for drinks or something before the meal personally, maybe they’d be more up for that?

I like the craft and lunch plan too, especially since OP was generous enough to plan to pay. In my friend group we cover the birthday person’s lunch, not the other way around.

And I have never heard of a person changing someone else’s birthday plans! That’s insane.

Can I just clarify OP - you said your friend group the birthday person pays for the whole do/outing/whatever for everyone?

Were these people planning a weekend away and expecting you to pay for all of them?! Surely not??

For my 40th we went for an Indian with the kids and they had chicken nuggets. Your plan sounded lovely come to Scotland we have more than just puffins and we’re not wankers

Sounds lovely. No response yet?

Scotland is beautiful. And lots of craft workshops to choose from

https://www.craftcourses.com/in-person-and-online-courses-craft-kits-and-handcrafted-gifts/?region=Sc

I have some amazing groups of women friends. One much closer than the rest.

None of them would behave like this

OP, I agree with pp.
Rest on it and don’t make any hasty replies now. See do they comment again.
This may be more misunderstanding than ill-intent. Ignore those on here name-calling and so on. Just see what tomorrow brings.

Whose birthday is it, exactly?

Who on earth cares what they'd be up for. It isn't their party, it isn't their birthday. If they want to fly RyanAir to Magaluf and drink Jager bombs all weekend and stagger in and out of clubs they can do that for their birthdays. The OP wants to have a craft party and lunch (or did until Ms Seagull crapped all over her parade).

Would anyone posting here be invited to an event and respond by stating to all the invitees that it wasn't good enough and they were going to do something completely different instead?

Who does that?

The thing is if they have all previouslybpaid for the OP to do the same it’s not so far out there they might expect the same in return?

But you’ve not waited for them to reply! It’s barely been a few hours let alone a day or two!! I’m sure this will be resolved easily and they’ll stop the over excitement of planning a trip and you’ll have a wonderful birthday!

Sorry OP but it does sound a bit boring; however I am sure they will join you if that’s what you want as it is your birthday. I would call one of them and explain the situation; maybe they are happy to pay for you; or perhaps at night out will be better.

Come to Scotland, we are all far nicer than your friends and you will have a lovely time

Your friends are fucking rude, changing your plans without your say so.