To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

As a volunteer parent helper with rainbows and brownies I understand why people shy away from it.

A lot of parents use the time to catch up with jobs at home or with other mums at Costa (this is what I do when I'm not needed) and others simply can't put themselves out there.

I was a weekly parent helper and sleepover/camp helper for 2 years and now only get called upon when proper leaders are not available. The girls know me and love when I'm there however I feel I end up taking over the games and singing.

We usually get more offers of parental help when it's a Sunday event or a fun event like roller skating or bowling.

When there isn't enough leaders it gets run on zoom and the threat of that usually gets more helpers 🤣

I did a parents zoom meeting in September for all parents one evening and explained who we were and how we run things re payments, signing up for trips, etc. Explaining my real paid job title made an impression, explained one leader works shifts (had a previous complaint re timings of her emails and complaint why the girls couldn’t go to x event at a weekend - because leader was at paid work) Obviously lots of parents didn’t come on but the feedback from those who did was positive.

Thanks for the empathy.

It really does feel thankless sometimes, and you lose sight of why you do it (or I do.)

Chasing for forms is a particular bugbear of mineral. I know many parents are inundated with admin from various clubs and school, but I try and make it as simple as possible for them.

Thank you for your service! It really does make such a difference.

I understand why some parents shy away from it for those reasons. It's certainly nor everyone's bag, and I'd much rather have volunteers there who want to be.

For people who can give an evening once or twice a year, but choose not to, I do wonder if a bit of empathy with what we put into running the unit for their girls would change their minds.

You sound great fun, anyway!

I feel for you, it's so hard to get parents to volunteer for help. Our Brownies put a sign up list out the first week of term and mostly get enough help now after threatening to close. I usually help out once/twice per term. Beavers send out a list of the parent helpers for each week at the start of term / it's not optional but you can swap if the week you're given doesn't work. I also help with the sleepovers and days out. I used to be a leader so know what commitment it takes; I can't commit on a weekly basis but am more than happy to help out where I can. Have to admit I love going on camp!

I do appreciate all that volunteers are doing.

One thing I worry about with a volunteer rota of parents is that they won’t know the children. They won’t have read their medical details - are they even allowed to? So they won’t realise that little Johnny’s ‘coughing’ on an outing is actually an asthma attack, or that Sarah really can’t eat that muffin because she has allergies.

I found Scouts to be really good at giving you medical forms to fill in before day or overnight events. I was very naive at first and didn’t realise that the important details in those forms weren’t actually shared among the adults volunteering at the event (it never happened in my experience anyway).

The forms asked about things like medical conditions, whether the child needed medication on the trip, if they needed help taking the medication, and so on. Quite comprehensive forms. They were routinely ignored. (We also communicated directly with leaders, but it often ended up being a different person dealing with the children.)

I’d prefer if groups and clubs (and it’s a general problem with lots of clubs) said to a parent of an allergic or asthmatic or diabetic child that they’re just not able to deal with it. They usually don’t say this and the official style forms make you think everything is in hand, but you quickly learn it’s not. Swapping around volunteers makes it more likely something will go wrong or won’t be noticed so please just let people know this. Just tell parents they need to stay with their child, that’s absolutely fine. The fact it all seems so official (like school) and then isn’t is the problem.

Again, I genuinely do appreciate everything volunteers do. I just think they need to make their limits clearer to parents. As I say, I was very naive.

You are massively projecting here, and clearly very bitter about your experience.

I seriously doubt your version of events now, given your blatant emotionally immaturity, personal attack on myself and lack of reading comprehension.

Girlguiding/Scouting or any volunteering groups should be giving you a wide bearth.

I worry that you were exposed to children for so long (if it is true).

I am a cub leader purely because no one else would step up. Tbh I am not sure how long I can do it as the behaviour of the majority of the children is horrendous. Can’t say I blame the other parents for not volunteering. I don’t work so can just about handle an hour and a half of rudeness but I wouldn’t be offering to do it straight after a day at work.

Thanks for the advice re allergies and medical conditions.

This is openly shared amongst official helpers, but I will now check whether this information can be shared with occasional helpers, and remember to do so.

Oh, my goodness. You don’t see the irony of you accusing me of a personal attack?

I'm sorry you're having such a rubbish time of it, and after putting yourself out there, too.

I'm lucky that my lot are lively but generally very considerate and respectful.

Have you tried contacting any local universities or colleges to see if someone from there could volunteer? Or asking in other community forums if anyone would be able to help?

For the people who's groups have already implemented compulsory volunteering (for at least one evening); has anyone asked to see the equality impact for this?

To me it seems like a way of ensuring that guiding remains "predominantly white and middle class" which even if it is not the intention is how it can easily come across. That you have to be the right sort and have the right sort of family and family support to attend.

The quote is from a Girlguiding Diversity and Inclusion Audit from 2021 so not my own original phrasing.

You started it my darling. Don't dish out dirt if you can't take it. Anyway, despite reporting you, I'm ignoring you from now on. As I should have from the start.

Bullies are the worst hypocrites, and always cowards.

Have a lovely evening 😀

Obviously all groups are different but at ours...
1 leader is in charge of medication and has a list. Anything that everyone needs to know is told to all

Everyone involved in catering (even just serving) knows all food allergies.

So, I'm sure we had stalls at universities and colleges last year. I would personally volunteer to organise them if not, and would be gutted if we missed the opportunity to recruit students last year.

Community forums have been posted on, but probably need to be again.

I've offered to volunteer at any recruitment events I can. I can also apply for funding for this.

I personally don't want to turn to compulsory volunteering.

You are so right about being seen as childcare. I run a Scout Group and what had to majorly cut down on what sections we can offer due to lack of adult support. It now looks like we'll have to close entirely at summer and I just now the parents will be up in arms at the closure, yet none of them are willing to help.

you should get a simple no, manners are free.

on my part i can't stand volunteering. i used to do it for my kids primary school, but then my son was diagnosed with autism and suddenly my volunteer turned into voluntold because if i didn't go on the trips, he didn't go.

When i tried to sign him up to scouts it was the same thing, and self defence.

When i tried to take my daughter to stuff apparently telling them i couldn't leave her brother to give them my time wasn't good enough.

Not sayin you are like this OP, but for a lot of parents, shitty previous volunteering experience puts us off.

I feel for you. I was slightly railroaded into becoming a girl guiding leader when DD1 was small. It was a huge amount of work.

I did do the qualification but didn’t last much longer. The Health and Safety, accounts, subs collecting, planning meetings. Also a major factor was the God stuff. Having to make some kind of religious statement to pass (Am firmly atheist).

Some of the parents didn’t help. The ones who try and have long conversations about their girls when you’re trying to manage things. The one who said she’d come and see me ‘in my office’ later in the week to pay her subs 😁

I did run a very popular little group though with a massive waiting list.

I moved towns and had twins and DD joined another group and the leader tried to get me to take over her role as she was struggling. I just couldn’t and the group closed which was a shame.

I haven't read every reply but as a fellow guider (rainbow units x 2, brownie units x 2 & guide unit plus I've just resigned as DC) I thought I'd offer my experience of parent rotas.

When I've needed a rota I have allocated weeks to a girl and emphasised that it doesn't need to be mum. It can be dad/neighbour/grandparents/older siblings etc as long as they are 18+. I also let them know that they can swap weeks to suit and if they definitely can't do their week just to let me know and I can ask a guider from another unit to fill in.

I also post up a rough programme plan for the term so that if a parent has a particular skill they can swap to be there on that specific week (or I can juggle the programme). This has been really useful with the SFMF theme as we've had dad's come in for practical sessions, parents who work in banks come in for the money tasks, crafty parents etc etc. We now have a dad as a unit helper because he enjoyed the activities (PVG etc completed).

We always have plenty of volunteers for outdoor activities/trips and I recently took 6 parents with my spare tickets to the Moana 2 viewing without asking them to pay as a thank you to them.

It is a thankless task at times, I do it because I've always done it and I enjoy it. I joined as a brownie (no such thing as rainbows back then) and haven't left. I was awarded my 30 year long service last year and my fellow unit guider had her 40 years the year before.

As a mum of boys it's been nice to see young women growing up and developing skills, strength and belief in themselves and that's what keeps me in Guiding.

That sounds good. It’s not a universal approach unfortunately.

The thing I remember when my children were sea scouts was that 90% of parents used to sit in their cars at pick up just watching the kids and the helpers carrying the boats up from the lake and putting them away. The worst ones would then complain that the session ended late!

Diaclaimer: I understand that some of them would have been physically incapable of helping or not dressed appropriately. But not all of them all of the time!

They don't want to volunteer but being asked all the time makes them feel horrendously guilty.

My kids do not do scouts/brownies etc because as a working parent, I'm desperately time poor. I find a lot of children these days very badly behaved, and there seems to be a crazily high level of kids with various additional needs or requirements that mean normal discipline can't be applied to them. I simply don't have the mental bandwidth to deal with that.

I find it very hard being asked to volunteer as i know a handful of people end up lumbered with more than their share and I feel trapped, i desperately don't want to do it but feel awful about saying no. However i think people not willing to help should simply accept they children must stick to activities run by paid staff.

@PerditaLaChien ". However i think people not willing to help should simply accept they children must stick to activities run by paid staff"

As a serial volunteer I could not disagree more. Children should not miss out because of their parents' circumstances-nobody wants that. When the appeal for volunteers goes out just say that you can't because..... And maybe give two prizes for the tombola!

My dd did rainbows, brownies, guides and explorer scouts.

I offered to volunteer multiple times until I just got fed up with being made to feel so unwelcome to be honest.

When I went to volunteer, every time I was ignored by the regular volunteers unless they were telling me I was doing something wrong! I wasn't given a proper job to do or task to complete bit pretty much treated like I was in the way! It happened every single time and many other parents I know felt the same. Yet we regularly had to listen to brown owls 'I'm a volunteer and don't get paid' speech/guilt trip at the end of meetings.

I remember one time I was given a very patronizing speech by the rainbows leader about safeguarding when I offered to wait with her and the children to make up ratios because another regular 'qualified' volunteer was running late. She spoke to me like I was a pedophile attempting to access children nefariously bevause i didnt hold a specific girl guiding DBS. I'm a fully qualified teacher and designated safeguarding lead in school 🤣🤣🤣 which she knew!

Another time I went on camp for 3 nights as a volunteer and was almost completely ignored the while trip by the other adults. They were incredibly unfriendly and I decided at that point not to volunteer ever again, despite the snide comments!

I'm sure you don't personally treat volunteers like this but are they genuinely made to feel welcome by everyone at meetings?