To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

But when we are both physically at work it's impossible. As I said I pulled DS out . When he went to cubs ( different unit) they didn't ask for volunteers

I would never lecture anyone about being unpaid! I did this with the full knowledge I was giving up my time for free. I really hope I don't come across like some bleeding heart martyr!

And I'd never be haughty about safeguarding or talk down to parents, at least not knowingly.

I'm always sure to be thankful and include them, but I do get flustered at times and maybe don't come across as welcoming as I think I do.

I will definitely re evaluate how I treat parent/carer volunteers this term, and try to ensure they're not treated as in the way.

To answer the last part, it has always just been me and them, so no one else to be introduced to or included by. Well, apart from the kids.

I'm so sorry you've been excluded. There are parents/carers in a similar position to yourself who have let me know of their situation (I didn't ask for any details), and I would never want their child to be left out for this reason.

This is why I don't think I can implement a compulsory rota; it's simply not fair.

At my son’s Beaver group, there is a compulsory parent volunteer rota. It involves one session every half term, so 6? Times a year. 3 parent helpers per session as there is only one leader. We can swop if we can’t do allocated x

I'm an atheist, too, and we took the God stuff out years ago.

Girlguiding are a secular organisation; God was taken out of the Promise before I started, certainly.

I'm not doubting your experience, btw. I know some old fashioned groups still sing about the big G.

Hello, and thank you so much for the support and advice.

I maybe wasn't hard enough on them in the first place, but then I didn't want to pressure someone who genuinely can't help for various reasons.

The matching skills to helpers sounds fab! I'll write out a plan for the term and share it to drum up more interest (potentially!).

I absolutely think it should be no volunteering no place.

And that doesn't have to be attending and helping at a group every week. It can be helping transport a car load to a campsite three times a year, or offering to man the social media one evening a week for two hours, or running a session teaching your own hobby once a year, or volunteering to stand at a stall at a fete, offering to write a risk assessment one evening at home, the opportunities are there for people from all walks of life and abilities. If every parent or relative did just one thing it would be amazing.

The people who do run the packs end up practically having a second full time job and the stress of if you can run an event due to lack of helpers is immense. I certainly couldn't do it our leader is a saint but often in tears.

Personally, I think it's important to set a good example to kids and often I'm tired after a day at work and think I wish I wasn't going to help but when I go it's not too bad and the longer you do it, you get to feel part of a little community.

The problem with mandating volunteering is a reluctant "volunteer" can be worse than no volunteer. We don't need people standing around, we need people who help.

Plus some of the kids whose parents CANT (not won't) volunteer are those who need the activities most.

Both these points are also very true, which gives me a reality check and obviously makes compulsory volunteering non feasible but then it's even more frustrating when you hear parents who are, visibly at least, well off and don't work, complain at every opportunity but don't volunteer.

To add a different perspective... I've offered maybe 5x now to volunteer at my son's beavers group. Noones got back to me- I presume they're not intetested.

@Hello87abc

District Commissioner here.
This is a misunderstanding (assuming you are volunteering with Girlguiding UK). The occasional helper role on GO was for volunteers who had a DBS and other recruitment checks but who didn't volunteer often enough to warrant paying census. That role has gone because everyone with a role on GO must pay census so there is no distinction between occasional helper and unit helper.

That is entirely different to having parents help out once or twice a term which is certainly still allowed.

I personally would rather have someone on their phone all the time, than not run, although I've not experienced this type yet so I can't speak from experience!

I agree when someone can't their children should not be penalised, especially as we are a charity and try to keep fees to a minimum

Thanks for explaining this better than I could.

Compulsory volunteer rotation isn’t ideal but it’s often a final resort before closing. We have 5 groups and 4 are ok for volunteers (some leaders do more than one group), one has just started assigned adult slot on rota or it closes. There is another group with space in another village with no rota but it’s not popular due to location and parents wanting them to be with school friends.

The situation seems similar across the UK for Girlguiding.

I think I'd rather close than put even more stress on myself by forcing reluctant parents or their family.

Parents are terrible for that, aren't they? I know they're not all like that, and no one wants their child unhappy, but it's generally good to have them mix with other schools or even classes.

That's what I loved about Brownies back in my day. My best friend there was from another school. But I am in extrovert.

It's such a shame you stay in Surrey...

Fellow guider here. We have a parent rota, I post it on the WhatsApp group every half term and ask for volunteers. Peer pressure works well, even if it is the same ones mainly. We get a few dads too. Which is great. You only need dbs checks if someone helps more than 2 times a term. It’s not ideal but better than closing. Ours tend to make drinks, tidy up, set up paints etc. some better than others but I try to give them “jobs” at the beginning so they feel helpful.

Personally I'd rather these clubs charged more to have the money to pay the people who run them. Then they wouldn't need to be scrambling for volunteers.

So, from April £12.21 ph, per person.
Planning time, setting up, actual meeting, clearing up and locking up - lets say 3 hrs on average, per week. (£36.63)
Plus (as all employees now need, pension payments and Employers NI contributions). Plus, someone would need to be employed to manage all of this (Payroll, HR etc). So the 'per person' costs per week go up again.

Then, once you are talking employees, you would presumably have to pay them for ALL the hours ?
So, the First Aid training they do, The Safety, the Safeguarding, the planning, the admin. Getting to know the badges and the computer system and records, as well as inputting them. So that will average out as more hours across the year to be paying them.

Meetings with other Leaders in the District, often with the Church or wherever you meet. Fundraising meetings.

Then there's camps / residentials. Again, more time getting the permit to be able to run them. Then the planning and recces, and the admin and meeting with parents who are anxious, or parents whose dc have special needs. Applying for Nights Away permission, with all the Risk Assessments. Then there's planning the menu. Catering for 101 different needs. Buying the food (usually from different places, to keep costs down). Book-keeping and then producing balance sheets. Getting the equipment out of storage and checking it is okay.

All that before actually looking after the dc for about 45 hours non-stop.

Now, even if you live in a particularly wealthy area, where parents actually would cover the massive increase in costs (and it goes against the ethos of both Guides and Scouts to exclude people due to costs)....... where do you think you are going to find such an army of people who want to just work over teatime / early evening, one night a week ?

Where I am, we've had grant funding to employ people for 12 hours a week and the calibre of people applying is never great. It's just not enough money or not enough hours to get the skill set of people you need.

I hadn't realised until I became a leader just how many volunteer roles there are in Scouting and I'm sure Guiding is the same. Even just sorting out who is getting which badge is a huge help for leaders. It's not just about helping out at sessions, I just don't think our Section in particular is very good at promoting this.

We are lucky in my Cubs group to have a number of willing ad hoc volunteers. Unfortunately the same can't be said for DS's Scout Group. It's twice the size of our Cub group but DH repeatedly ends up as the parent helper because no one else will volunteer. I really wish they would move to compulsory volunteering for the group. It would work out max 2 sessions a year. I don't think people realise how much of an impact it has on the leaders to know that they have enough volunteers to run the session and not to have keep repeatedly asking.

I'm sorry you're in this position OP. It's really not hard for people just to say no. The time you give is appreciated.

I'd interpret silence as a polite/frustrating "no".

People don't like to say no, so they say nothing.

In a work context, if I say "no" generally the other person will come back to me to try and persuade me to do something anyway. If I say nothing then I fall off their radar.

I don't volunteer for things like this because my work requires quite intense social contact for set periods during the year and by the evening I just don't have any "spoons" left for any more social contact. But I would feel a bit uncomfortable trying to express that if asked to volunteer as I'd feel it could easily be interpreted as "my jobs too important and tiring to volunteer, unlike yours". So I can well imagine ending up just not replying.

This might be saying much more about my own internal monologue than anything else!

I think asking parents to help is one thing. Asking them why they can't or won't, is quite another.
I would be furious if I were asked to explain myself in a similar situation and I absolutely wouldn't. What purpose would it serve to know why a parent can't or won't help anyway?

Thanks for the response. One of the reasons I'm trying to spread the load of parental volunteering is because of the two night rule- if you could call it that.

I was too much of a coward to just allocate parents/carers a night. I thought I'd give them a chance to step up, or just let me know either way.

In hindsight this was maybe a mistake. I'm often told I'm too soft on people, and maybe (a few) are taking advantage of that.

I would love some dad/male helpers to balance it out a bit! I think I have put too much stress on mums doing it.

Not guides, but other parent run clubs. It's a nightmare asking people to help out, even if the help was for about 10 minutes in 2 sessions a year - eg setting lightweight chairs or other art equipment out or putting it away afterwards. Of course some parents can't help - and thats fine, noone minds, ir gives it any thought. But most choose not to, and all anyone needs to say is "I can't/wont do that". No need for explanation, no need for judgement or defensiveness.

But the radio silence that sounds like "well, I'm busy and important I work ft and I've got children so someone else will need to just step up and make my child's activity happen" is spectacularly irritating to people who also work ft and have children but take ownership of making it happen.

For the last time- I haven't done this. I explicity did not ask for a reason, just a yes or a no.

Please read the original post at least. That's incredibly unfair on me.

Thanks for this post. I'm away to bed, and it wa nice to read something from someone who really understands the frustration and stress of trying to make an activity happen without a reliable volunteering team.