To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

Our rainbows is in a building with several halls for hire. Rainbows and Karate take place at the same time. The building has a waiting area and a security guard. I also don't mind being cold, wet or outside in a muddy field. I spent years working for the youth service. That's not an issue.

I actually have a degree in youth work. I would have offered to help in return for my 2 kids going for free

Would have offered? Or did offer? Easy to say in hindsight that you would do something, but not actually do anything about it at the time.

For what it's worth, some groups will give a free space to children of volunteer leaders (but not to children of parents who give occasional help - if every parent helped, there'd be no subs to pay at all - scout/guide groups clearly can't run like that)

Our own group gives a 50% discount to the children of leaders. So that equates to £45 per year of free subs. In my case, it works out at less than 20p an hour that I spend running the group, but it's a nice gesture. Most leaders waive this and pay in full anyway, It's fair to say that we're not in it for the money!

Could it be helpful to also take the idea of volunteering outside the parent cohort? It doesn’t have to be a current parent bringing along a child. As people on this thread have mentioned, sometimes they (quite reasonably) want a degree of separation.

Could a Guide parent volunteer for Rainbows? Or a university student? Or a young person as a Young Leader? Or a retired person?

Your local ‘voluntary action’ will have an interface for recruiting volunteers.

People have forgotten what community activities should be. They want to throw money at it and forget about it. We have this problem with girls football. We graduated an entire team from our gun sessions. The next year there should have been another. Not a single one of 28 parents would do it. It's not hard. I knew nothing before I started. People don't have the generosity they used to, and they don't seem to think doing something for the good of others brings them any benefits (which is a part of the terrible state of mental health IMO). Sometimes you are working to create a money can't buy experience.

I feel your frustrations. Our PTA has a handful of volunteers who give up a lot of their time but when they try to recruit its radio silence. Happy for the PTA to give their children lots of treats and days out but not so willing to volunteer a day here or there to help out.

You say you’ve asked for a simple Yes/No and would be happy with no explanation to an answer of No.
The thing is, they don’t know that and may expect (even if not a grilling about why not) some judgement from you. This will lead to a reluctance to say anything if they simply don’t want to volunteer (and that is their reason for a No). Also if you’ve asked publicly (eg in a WhatsApp group or similar), they won’t want judgement from other parents in the group.

There’s a very simple solution here. Just accept any non-replies as a No, without explanation.
Parents have enough pressure on them without shading them for not wanting to help out at their kids’ clubs.

I thought of this thread when reading this one earlier today:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5252828-behaviour-at-beavers

Not sure what the solution is, but that thread would certainly put me off volunteering!

Back in the day (1990s) things were so much simpler. One of my parents was a volunteer, as was I (Young Leader). There was a weekly planning session but that was about the extent of the commitment. Behaviour didn’t seem to be an issue. But that was also a world in which predators could easily access uniformed groups so clearly things needed to change.

Whereas now, as an experienced teacher, I tend to think that if I am going to be undertaking training, planning, risk assessing, delivering sessions, taking responsibility and managing a lot of administration on the side, then I might as well be supply teaching!

As I explained up-thread, my DC has never attended so I haven’t had any involvement for years and volunteer for other organisations, in other ways. But perhaps it will appeal to me again one day?

Our kids attend Explorers. They use Online scout manager for booking all activities. If help is needed they can't sign up unless parents have answered the "can you help" question. It seems to work.
I don't offer to help, my kids have categorically told me they don't want their parents to help. I also have a health condition that causes fatigue so physically cannot help.

OSM is used by Scouts, but not Guides, so that wouldn't help the OP.

Not everyone wants to help out and why the heck would you demand to know why. If you choose to run these sessions, so be it. Not everyone has the time or the inclination to do so , but to demand to know why is just rude. I could not think.of anything worse.

When I am invited to a party, I expect to RSVP yes or no. When I am asked to volunteer, I expect to respond yes if I’m willing/able but I usually do not feel an obligation to respond no if I’m not willing/able. Instead, I just do not respond and assume that the person knows what that means. However, I would feel obligated to respond with no and an excuse if it was a small group/my friend who had asked/etc…

Obviously it’s rude for people not to respond to you when you’ve requested a response either way. And I’m sorry that is happening. It’s so nice that you do this as a volunteer. But I do think within the larger context, people might find it weird in a large group that they’re being expected to let you know if they’re a “no,” and may not feel like coming up with an excuse to you (even though you have told them they don’t need one, they might feel like they still do - I think I might). They may also just not be careful readers and ignore that you have asked for a response either way. Might it not be easier on you to just have them respond if they’re a “yes”?

I volunteered as a brownie and guide leader. So many of the girls or parents thought we were paid. Were shocked to find out we weren't.

Perhaps send out a Google form or other online form, setting out the dates for the term? That might be easier to define and for parents to match up to their diaries rather than an indistinct ‘Can you volunteer at some point in the term/year?’

But, as I said upthread, if you really don’t get any help and can’t find a non-parent volunteer then cut down on what you are offering, in order to avoid your own burnout. Shorten the sessions and cut a session at the end of each term.

I think the best idea I've seen in this thread is thinking beyond the parents. Like getting people from volunteer groups to help. Or students even Doesn't have to be the kids parents.

All you people running these groups have you actually tried getting volunteers completely seperately from parents? It might be something my DS would have done if he'd been aware of such a need( he does volunteer football coaching for kids,)

I've stopped putting my hand up for two reasons.

The first is that some organisations are simply bloody ungrateful. My DCs school regularly asks for parents to volunteer on extra-curricular activities and trips. First time I offered, on a recurring basis, my DD was carrying an injury and couldn't join in herself, so I was turned away too. Second time they wanted chaperones for a trip to the pantomime. I volunteered, along with half a dozen or so others, and the school never even bothered to reply to any of us once they magically found enough of their own staff willing to take the free trip. Outside school, my DD's dance company needed backstage help for a show. I was turned down because they only wanted women - the kids are a mix of boys and girls.

The second is that some particular organisations attract a certain type of 'professional' volunteer, who look down their noses at common-or-garden ones like me. The school PTA is an absolute snake pit in that respect and I never offered again after my first event because I simply couldn't bear to be around them. Some were using it to reinforce their social status, others to further their careers, and they didn't care who they stepped on to get there.

Yes our District and County do stalls and pop ups at community events, in town hall etc.
Tried advertising at village fete, big local country show.
Appeals for volunteers on local Facebook groups.
Some unis do stalls at freshers feature and have scout/guide societies.
I’ve shared on wiwikau facebook (group for parents of uni students)

Pe ask how much does it pay and when told volunteer no interest.

Anyway as a positive after this thread I have had another push for rainbows help and we have had a possible bite from someone in their 20s no kids so fingers crossed.

Most of our leaders don’t have kids in the sections they run that’s a common misconception. We do gets asked which child is ours and some can’t fathom why we were there child free/adult child.

I was in your exact same scenario 30 years ago.
At the end of each of term I had a calendar with the dates and plan of what we were doing and told the parents that each family HAD to volunteer for one session next term, with a maximum parents 2 per session, and I expected all slots on the calendar to be filled in on that last night. On the previous week the girls went home with a list of dates, what we'd be doing and advising that it needed filling, otherwise the next half term events would not run.

It actually became a thing that the keenest parents would be REALLY early in order to sign up for the 'best' activities - the ones they wanted to do (we had some keen crafters and some keen outdoor cookers), and I only ever actually cancelled one session.

Yes, of course.

Our District has a Facebook page and we use that regularly to post on local community Facebook groups to show "the public" what we've been doing with Rainbows, Brownies, and Guides. We always include a sentence (and a link) about how to get in touch if you want to get involved. We also take part in/have stalls at local community events. We've advertised in a local volunteer network group. We don't have a university anywhere near so no students to recruit.

We do get the occasional volunteer from these methods. However, most of the volunteers we do get are parents, even though permanent volunteers are still few and far between. The point of asking parents is that they are the people who actually have a vested interest in wanting the group to run.

Ah, I wouldn't let it worry you, semantics or not. I can assure you, there's no parent volunteer being given a benefit-in-kind at a rate of £20 per hour! Scout groups would go bust !

Of course, yes. I was thinking maybe there is something similar that could be used.

Yes, there is OGM which is the Guide version. But they are third-party systems and therefore against Girlguiding's GDPR policies. We can use it but only in a limited fashion.

Very annoying to be honest!

Have you tried sending an email with 'REPLY NEEDED' in the caption?
Get a bit shirty and say what you've said here, that the lack of communication is the issue, and you'd rather get back 18 no, and 2 yes responses, than 4 yes responses, but have 16 who don't reply. That you can work with what you get, but you need everyone to respond. We have put on our starting info to ensure you read all info sent out fully, and reply when required, especially if the answer is no.
Otherwise, ask in person at pick up? Don't let girls out the hall until their parent is at the door giving you a yes/ no answer, and let them know that you've had to do this as they don't reply to emails, so if they all start replying to emails, it'll be a lot less awkward and time consuming.

I'd also recommend sticking to one form of communication that they need to reply on, so there's no 'oh I thought I'd text you/ let you know at drop off/ replied to a facebook post'.
If you can, make this public, but not in a shaming way, so something like a google doc where they either sign up for an evening, or sign at the bottom to say they've seen it, but can't help this term. This may mean that Floss's mum sees it, signs it, and sees that Fliss's mum hasn't yet, so texts her to say 'which Brownie session are you volunteering for this term? Shall we do the same one so we can still lift share?'