To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

Also making it compulsory will cause an absolute shit storm and you’ll lose girls. I would pull my kid out. For quite the time I was tied up with my other disabled daughter.

im sorry you feel drawn out with this and the end of year accounts. the amount of work and skills and hours expected of leaders is way beyond a joke and most don’t realise what they are signing up for. Tie that up with the forced programme they started a good while back, and I’m not sure why leaders just didn’t start up their own clubs for the community and rent out the halls themselves. Would have been far easier and perhaps some money into the pockets of those who keep it running, rather than funding the CEOs and their buddies

I offered to sort their website and build a PC with kids friendly stuff they could use. But that wasn't good enough for them. I was willing to spend the half hour clearing up before they finished, washing up paint stuff etc. But no they wanted me to be there for 2 hours each half term and be involved with the actual kids. Strangely they didn't put pressure on Dad ( who did all the drop offs)

I do agree with this.

We worked hard to give our dc opportunities to grow and flourish around other adults than their parents.

I think - going back to the OP - the difference is we spoke to the Leaders about what we were doing elsewhere, and therefore why we couldn't support regularly on their section nights.

People don’t want to but don’t know how to say that politely. They don’t want to make up lies as excuses. As a pp suggested a simple form sent home saying yes or no might help? Were they aware it was parent rota when they joined?

I never got involved with scouts because I think you need a certain personality to do it. I’m quite nervous as a parent and on the couple of occasions I attended the things the leaders were allowing the kids to do was way out of my comfort zone…I still think it was too dangerous tbh 😅

That is a shame. I would have thought 30 minutes help at the end would be valuable. (not helpful if you need a certain number of adults to meet your safety ratio though, but it sounds like you could have been utilised).

I’ve volunteered for girl guides. I think you’re being unfair.

Volunteers should be recruited through channels where people are looking to volunteer. Volunteers are in a frame of mind or time of life where they have something to give back or want some experience before getting back to work.

(Or there’s the martyr type that thrives on how put upon they are despite the fact they have free will - I met lots of these.)

Parents of young children don’t tend to be on the lookout for ways to spend their time giving back - they’re already swamped.

That’s why you get the same two or three people - those people can make the time and summon the energy. Most people can’t. They’re rushing back to get jobs done, thinking bloody hell it’s time to get back, grabbing their kids and off to get more jobs done.

I'm sorry for your awful experience.

You were used and pressured and that's awful.

I would never do this. I'm just looking for parent/adult help to plug the gap whilst we do or do not find someone who can help in their own right.

I totally disagree with being forced to do the leadership qualification.

Whoever might get to see a DBS and gossip about it. Not a yone in particular

If rainbow leader loses a few girls then there’s another 30 plus on wait list. Again if some don’t join because an adult needs to commit 2 hours a year then so be it.
Whilst you don’t want any girls to miss out when it’s on verge of closing its trying anything to ensure can still run.

I offered my help with local Beavers group when DS was small.

My experience was that I immediately got sent a truckload of very involved training videos, DBS forms and the like. I’d imagine I’d be looking after coats or putting away scooters or something. It was way too much.

Constant nagging and reminders to do the “training” felt like a full-time job!

Once I got “in” I found it so cliquey and so much pre-knowledge required (I think it helps if you had done scouts as a kid. Or come from a military background to me?) all very weird.

We gave up in the end. Just felt like nothing we offered/did was ever good enough.

The DBS at Scouts is seen by an anonymous person in an office. Not the actual volunteers at group.
I'm sure Guides is similar

I think you're not unreasonable to wish people would reply to a communication, of course. And people ought to feel grateful to volunteers.

But asking why some parents shy away, and mentioning that others give 'understandable reasons' seems a bit OTT. And I wonder if this vibe is why people simply ignore the request - they feel a simple 'no, I'm afraid I can't' wouldn't cut it.

Our local Beavers is fantastic and the guy who runs it is amazing. But, a while ago, he sent out an email a bit like your post, pointing out that some parents volunteered; others did not, and some hadn't given reasons why they couldn't. Because it's a rural area, children come from several different schools and parents don't all know each other (this is relevant!). We ended up with a situation where the 'volunteer' parents kept commenting about others who didn't, and people ended up feeling pressured to explain their private business - there was someone who has severely disabled other children at home, who ended up really upset, and there were other genuine, valid, private reasons that no one should have felt pushed to disclose.

Even if it means volunteers don't turn up, I think it is better to stress 'no one should feel they have to volunteer, but please take a moment to say "no"' rather than pushing the hard sell with it.

Ok. So not " the kind volunteers I'm leaving my kid with".

Not that it would personally make any odds to me but knowing some of the people that were involved there they would certainly be keen to have a gossip fest

Wonder how it would be explained though if someone had something on their DBS that prevented volunteering. Head office would surely have to tell group leaders

Parent here. I couldn't think of anything much worse than volunteering at such a group when I've been full-time all week.

Some parents just don’t want to volunteer. A non response is a no. From my experience there are three types of parents those who actively volunteer for everything, those who selectively volunteer and those who don’t (personally I fit into the last category).

I do think it’s spectacularly unreasonable to demand people justify why they have declined to volunteer. That’s incredibly toxic behaviour.

I have helped my son's scouts group on several occasions but didn't want to volunteer too often because it's a place for him to get away from me and be independent. He sees me at home, at school, in the car to and from school. It was too much for me to be at scouts, too. Poor boy😔

You let them do it twice with no checks?

I don’t think one week a term or two will stunt anyone’s independence , and you can see on this thread alone the amount of people who aren’t willing to help even occasionally .

I'm not doing that, why not read the post before commenting incendiary nonsense.

But many leaders and organisers are also parents.

If everyone doesn't chip in occasionally with their time, then these organisations that are run mostly by other volunteer parents will end up closing, and children won't have access to these activities.

It seems like so so many parents feel their children are entitled to go to guides/scouts, but forget that without a community effort and many other volunteers they wouldn't exist at all.

It’s your choice to work to free and it’s really not ok to judge others that do not follow your ideals. Why shouldn’t they drop their kids and run without the leader (brown owl, if you’re still called that) making people feel bad for not giving up their time. Another thing for mums for guilt trip about.

This has been really helpful. The last thing I want is parents to start gossiping and attacking each other over WhatsApp.

Wording is difficult to get right, but I haven't demanded a reason.

I think it's really tricky to decline these things as they might not want to explain why. Could you send a letter with an old fashioned tear off strip and "I am able to help these days" including a "none of the above" option.

I spent a lot of my youth involved in Guiding, both as a participant and as a volunteer, but I have had absolutely no urge to get involved as an adult myself. I was a teacher for a long time pre-children, so just didn’t have the time or brain-space - as well as it feeling like a bit of a ‘busman’s holiday’! Then, for various reasons, my own DC didn’t get involved so I just haven’t really had any contact with the movement. So logically, I would have been a perfect candidate for a leader role, but it just hasn’t happened that way.

I have done other volunteer roles and I think that this aspect of people’s lives can sometimes get overlooked. The parents who don’t give any time to Guiding might be doing a lot for the PTA, Cadets or sports clubs. Or being a charity trustee. Or caring for elderly parents…I think also the expectations of some organisations have failed to keep up with social change, with so many more parents working outside the home and work itself being more demanding than it was perhaps fifteen or twenty years ago.

My suggestion would be to try using polls (as suggested above), send out a briefing sheet, perhaps try a micro-volunteering site, and also lighten the load in any way that you can. For example shorter sessions or shorter terms. Shorter sessions might also make it more ‘worthwhile’ for parents to stay and help, rather than seeing a two-hour session as a nice long block of downtime!