To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

Just make it mandatory - your child attends, so you help two nights a year etc. Can’t help? Tough luck. Illness and disability obvs excluded. Too many people take and don’t give back - won’t even consider it. So their kids have to miss out. Natural consequences.

Having read through the thread, I feel a bit differently from when I voted.

AYBU to be frustrated some people won't agree to be on the parent rota ? Yes, YABU, a bit. There's 101 reasons why it might not be possible for some parents.

AYBU to be frustrated they haven't replied to your question ? No. I think a simple "sorry, I can't at the moment" isn't too much to expect / hope for.

(That's speaking as someone who has volunteered for over 40 years. I understand the frustration but try not to let it spoil the volunteering I do do.)

I loved guides, I take my hat off to you, great work!

I definitely give plenty of notice.

This has made me think about how I've been with my past helpers. I've always given a brief about the night, and included them, but maybe they did feel awkward or just like "somebody's mum". I've always been sure to thank them a lot, but maybe it hasn't come across as sincere.

The last thing I'd want is for them to feel unwelcome.

Yanbu. People can be very quick to complain, but slow to help.

I'm a Cub leader, DD goes to a completely unconnected Scout troop. I had a word with the leader recently as there had been last minute pleas for help. Out agreement is I won't volunteer publicly to them... but if no response the leader will call me. Its simply I don't have the mental energy for dealing with my own Cubs, assisting our Scput leader, then another troop on top.

You're right... communication is key. I love parental help but only if they want to, not forced!

Thank you! I loved both Brownies and Guides and get a lot out of volunteering. It's nice to be appreciated.

Add a poll or a tick box. It’s safe to assume no answer is a “no” and not just that they are willing to help but just haven’t responded yet…

In which case, don’t send your DC to a volunteer-run group, simple!

I have 4 kids, 3 with health problems and have a chronic health issue myself. I used to volunteer when I was younger, before kids, but don't have the energy now.

I don't feel guilty about not volunteering because I already have a lot on my plate.

local busybodies

The people that actually are volunteering to manage the activity that you’re happy for your child to attend you mean? Those busybodies?

I'm sorry that your guide leader is struggling.

The situation seems to be similar across our county and beyond.

I am definitely considering closing by Summer, as it's causing me undue stress in what should be an overall enjoyable experience for me.

With the end of year accounts due, I just feel like throwing the towel in! And it's the wrong time of the month 😬

I do think move to compulsory volunteer is best option if you can’t get regular help.
For new starters we are going to be clear to join it’s £x a term and x adult sessions a year on rota think it’s 2 sessions in a full year so an adult commitment of 2 hours a year.
Often what happens is other leaders will fill which then just puts more work on existing leaders or leaders use their mums or older teen daughters. I’m a guide leader but help on brownies trips so they can go.

It’s rude to ignore you but parents are often already stretched to their limit.

no reply is a no, tbh. I wouldn’t wait in hope and expectation.

I volunteered to help at Brownies, got pulled in as a permanent unit helper but then they made me a leader in their own eyes before I knew it.

perhaps people are afraid if they volunteer once they might get badgered to do so more and more?

Agree.

they don’t need to explain themselves.

Im a scout leader so I get it. You might catch more flies with honey though.

explain what you need. Share that it’s fun. Reassure them they don’t need guiding experience. Etc.

I think that final sentence is unfair, I was a guide leader for a decade in my 20s but now ds is in scouts it’s his hobby, it’s not mine, I don’t want to go along and ds is better without me there in terms of his growth and independence which is the whole reason I want him there. Nothing to do with childcare, everything to do with giving him time away from his mum. I’ll do a very occasional thing if absolutely necessary but do not want to do it regularly.

And you shouldn't feel guilty!

This is really about the lack of communication, not the inability to volunteer.

I haven't asked for reasons, but it's been the parents with children with disabilities or with childcare issues who have reached out to me about it.

It is frustrating, it's the same as the volunteers at school - always the same faces.

To be fair, though, I have volunteered once or twice with cubs - I did feel a bit like a lemon just standing around, I didn't know what the plan for the evening was or what my desired role was.

I think it should be compulsory to have to volunteer a certain number of times a year unless you have extenuating circumstances.

You sound nice.

Did you talk them through your constraints? I had similar and the leader (who was also a parent of one of the kids in the group) said that his kid got bored hanging round afterwards while the leader packed down / cleared up / locked up. So I would get there when I could but then dropped the leader's kid home to his mum. There are often little ways you can help that you can't see yourself. Collecting and recording all the forms for camp, for example.

I volunteered at a Brownies group for a year, I was made to do a course to become a leader, it felt like I was in School again and the leader told me I wasn’t good enough and I went home crying. I had to spend my own money on materials as no one else would get them. When it came to planning it was always ‘my evening’ and I had to plan and organise so many evenings. A lot of the girls were spiteful and I had to spend my time telling them off. I was also made to go to meetings which would last hours after a 10 hour day at work. It was one of the worst decisions of my life and I really had to put my foot down to get out of it and made to feel so guilty when I did leave.

Because?

Do talk to your Division and County you shouldn’t be struggling alone.

We are thriving in that we have over 100 girls in girl guiding in the village. We run 3 sessions back to back.
Brownies and Guides we have enough leaders (just big wait lists of girls) rainbows (age 4-6) is the problem. I think it’s early time of session and fact lots of parents are new to guiding and haven’t grasped the concept it’s volunteer run. There seem to be a lot of grandmas (my age not elderly) dropping and just sitting in cars for the hour so we are trying to see if we can get one to volunteer. I’ve put multiple requests out that the volunteer can be anyone 18 plus it doesn’t need to be a mum.

I'm not waiting in hope and expectation. I'm being proactive about the whole thing.

To not reply with a simple no I can't, is rude.

I do undeserstand the concern of being drawn into more volunteering when they don't want to. I would never do this, but as you've experienced, it does happen.

I hope I've made it clear I'd like different available parents to volunteer on the nights we need help, of possible.