To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

@Gogogo12345 "
But that's not enough it seems They want you to be there for 2 hours dtretches"

I don't think that's usual.

Through WhatsApp you can do a poll instead? Might be far easier for people to tick a “yes” or “no” box, than write out a message. I appreciate it’s really not hard to write out a reply, but in my experience some people just don’t know how to word it so just ignore and get on with their busy day and forget. Our football team do a poll to the parents and it works really well.

Personally, I know it doesn’t sound kind or willing, but when I sign my child up for a club I really don’t expect to have to volunteer myself. Selfishly maybe, I think I have an expectation that if a club is taking on children then it should be up and running and not struggling. If I was being asked weekly and had to decline weekly, I would find that very awkward indeed.

@Bob02 ". I actually have a degree in youth work. I would have offered to help in return for my 2 kids going for free."

So you would only help if they "paid" you a couple of quid a week? Right.

Hey, thanks for the WhatsApp suggestion. I hadn't even thought of doing a poll. Maybe for next term. I was asking for a message or email privately because I thought that might be more appropriate.

It's unrealistic to expect volunteer run clubs to not experience any issues with volunteers. It's precarious as ever at the moment, especially after covid. I do understand where you're coming from. I feel like I've let the parents and kids down in some ways.

I'm also asking for once or twice a year as it works out, not weekly. VERY different.

You haven’t let any one down, it sounds like you’re working incredibly hard. As it’s the start of the year, it would be a great time to get it all wrapped up and sorted for you. I appreciate you’re not asking for help every week, but if you’re being asked every week, it kind of feels the same.

Maybe you could do a poll and ask people to pick 1 or 2 months across the year they could volunteer for 1 week in. Then see the responses and put together an excel rota in google drive that you can send out to people, highlighting any gaps.
If it was put to me in January, could I do one week in May and one week in October for example, I would absolutely think that was acceptable and fine. But if I’m getting asked weekly, I can just imagine it now, running from school drop, to work, seeing the message, working all day and then by the time the kids are in bed I’ll have forgotten/feel bad I hadn’t had the time to reply, let alone the time to volunteer.
But asking me now, could I do a week in May and a week in October feels totally manageable.

It's odd that mumsnet has actually invented the term Cheeky Fucker for people who are seen to be taking advantage of other people. To me it often seems to be used to describe perfectly normal human interactions. For example-asking if someone can give you a lift to somewhere you are going anyway is often classified as CFkery. On this thread it seems to be the people asking for help to provide something for other people's children who are considered CFers!
Disclaimer. Of course there are many people who genuinely can't help for a huge variety of reasons. And there are people for whom the activity is the only respite they get all week. Of course there are.

Ha! No! In my unit, the "same names" (thank god for them!) definitely have jobs. One of my most helpful parents is a vet

As mentioned before I am a DC in Girlguiding, as well as a unit leader. The volunteer leaders in my District (9 units) are 100% categorically NOT "mothers who don't work". Not a single one of them. Every volunteer in my District also works, in most cases in full-time jobs, except for those who continue to volunteer into their 70s after retiring from their jobs.

Trust me, most Girlguiding volunteers know how hard it is to find time to volunteer whilst having a full-time job, raising a family with all of the mental load that involves, and going through the menopause. Because most Girlguiding volunteers are doing just that week in/week out. They're just asking parents in similar situations to help out once in a while.

Of course, everyone is different and has different challenges and genuinely not everyone can find time to help out, even occasionally. For some parents I would settle for simply paying subs without needing 4 reminders, and returning forms on time and completed accurately. So not expecting them to actively help out but perhaps wishing they would be a little bit more considerate of my time.

Semantics.
If you want your child to join cost is £x a term and 2 hours adult time a year.
I know my other leader hasn’t wanted to move to this but it’s that or close. I’d reiterate 4/5 groups run without a parent rota in my village. We’ve tried facebook advertising for leaders, stalls at village fete, Our District and County run volunteer recruitment events. We aren’t near a Uni but nearest one had a stall at freshers fayre.
Personally I’d have closed at Christmas but she’s reluctant to let girls down. Wait list is such we actually need 3 groups for the 4-6 yr olds so if the only group closes it will be a big loss.

For the groups being run by people who don't work...

My DDs Scout leader is a Consultant- level surgeon. Other leaders I know are army officers&NCos, engineers, mechanics, farm workers, accountants, students, a McDonald's worker... and some retired people still doing it in their 70s as they genuinely enjoy it.

Same with sports coaches... lots of them are volunteers as well.

We do need to stop thinking that volunteers have nothing else on.

to be frank, these are all excuses. people can find ways to help if they want to. Some have more capacity than others but most can do something even if it were just for one week. I appreciate if you are a single parent with no help your ability is limited but most people can do a small amount.

i work full time and volunteered at my children’s school. I often used my annual leave to do so. I attended school trips and helped with the swimming rota etc. it didn’t occur to me that I could just rely on the others to do it if I wasn’t willing to do it myself.

if I sign my child up to an activity that required volunteers for it to actually go ahead I would feel a moral obligation to volunteer rather it being someone else’s problem. At my children’s primary school there were parents who did absolutely nothing but enjoyed the benefits of all the hard work the other parents put in for the benefit of their child.

I'm not convinced it is purely semantics.

If you're spending your time doing work, in exchange for getting something, then I'm guessing there's a risk that it falls within the scope of various rules/laws that Scouts are very keen to ensure they don't fall foul of. For example, imagine if your child attends for 10 hours, and childcare for that length of time would cost £60 - you don't pay £60 but pay £20 subs and spend 2 hours "volunteering". Could HMRC see that as a benefit-in-kind of £40 for your work that Scouts would have a tax liability for?

If you were wanting to train as a leader for Rainbows in our village and your barrier was you couldn’t afford the £105 yearly subs for your little girls to join too to come with you then this could be covered by Division under financial hardship provisions that are available. Your girls would also jump a 30+ wait list.

We use WhatsApp polls and find that people also ignore those too.

We had an instance where a child missed out on an activity because their parent hadn't responded to a poll. They were always late for sessions and when they hadn't arrived 20 minutes after the agreed meeting time we set off without them. Turns out they'd gotten lost and were moments away. The child was really upset to have missed out, and it is sad for the child but for once I've felt zero guilt as the adult has set a precedent.

I didn't want my kids to go because I thought it was poorly run. I didn't realise that volunteers ran it.

I actually don't work for free anymore. I've done years of volunteering. I certainly couldn't afford to work for nothing, pay £10 subs each week, and the bus fares to get there and back. I'm not in that sort of financial position. I buy apples but I can't afford strawberries. That unfortunately is the reality of some people's lives.

@Bob02 "I didn't want my kids to go because I thought it was poorly run. I didn't realise that volunteers ran it"

So you didn't do any research into the organisation/people who were looking after your children?

If people are going to sniff at others for not volunteering, it’s not voluntary anymore is it?

“Do you have spare time on your hands?” “Are you looking to give back?”

These are the questions on ads for volunteers.

This is not generic volunteering though. This is a particular activity that your child partakes in that cannot go ahead without parental volunteers. If you don’t volunteer then essentially you are saying ‘well I can’t do it’ but I expect other parents to.

We went based on positive recommendations from friends. However, we live in different areas.

Personally, I don't leave my kids anywhere. On the trial day I stayed and helped. If they were going I would have sat outside reading a book. I don't leave my kids with random.

There’s a big difference between volunteering as a leader and being asked to help for an hour once or twice a year though.
I fully understand who people don’t want to volunteer as leaders or regular weekly helpers as it is a big commitment.
But you presumably agree with what the organisation offers if you sign your kid up if not you’d sign them up for judo, ballet etc. You get the benefits of what the organisation offers - lots of activities and 1/1.5 hours childcare a week all at a cheap price as there are no staffing costs - it’s normal £3 ish a week.
In past it was understood without being spelt out that parents might need to help out occasionally either in person or behind scenes with admin or on trips or at events.

You don't leave your kids with "random" and yet sent them to an organisation (albeit, supervised) without doing a full background check.?!

Volunteers (not occasional parent helpers) have to get a full disclosure and PVG.

We come from all backgrounds, some are respected professionals, others single mums on (gasp!) benefits.

It sounds like Girlguiding and Scouting aren't for you and that's fine. It isn't the experience that everyone wants for their child.

We ask parents if they want to stay when their child comes for the first session. Most don't. Their children settle better without their parent in the room.

Where we meet "sat outside reading a book" would mean either a cold, wet, muddy 2 hours sat outside on the local playing field (it snowed heavily last week) or sat in your car in a residential street down a couple of footpaths and well out of sight of our meeting place. Volunteering would be an altogether more comfortable experience! 😂

@Bob02 "If they were going I would have sat outside reading a book. I don't leave my kids with random."

This gets more bizarre by the minute.

Really annoys me when people trot this out on these threads.

I (voluntarily) manage about 340 volunteers - overwhelmingly these people also work and many of them are also the parents of young children too. Not all, many stay on and continue to volunteer after their dc grow up, but many of them are doing everything you say as well as volunteering.

If you don't want to volunteer, that's fine, not everyone does, but the implication that you are a busier person than all those people who do volunteer is just rubbish.

I didn't send them anywhere. I was present and would have e remained present while they were in attendance.

I thought you sat and ready book on the grass outside?