To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years.

The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention.

While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from?

By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me.

The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement.

But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this.

They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc.

This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

It’s your choice to work to free and it’s really not ok to judge others that do not follow your ideals

It's not really about that, all the OP is asking for is a response to her communication. Even if that response is a 'no'. It's just basic manners surely, towards someone who puts in a huge amount of effort for someone else's children?

To be fair, I've been doing this long enough to know that some parents are very poor with communication, and have learned just to let it go, however frustrating it may be. I recently had a massive problem with a parent whose child missed the deadline for signing up for an activity. I sent the original invitation email, followed by 2 Facebook messages and 3 email reminders, plus a list for parents of all activities with payment and sign up deadlines for that term. And somehow it was still my fault when they missed the deadline, and they sent me several emails to tell me so. Even though they had previously NEVER responded to any emails I send, ever. Good communication works both ways.

I offered to sort their website and build a PC with kids friendly stuff they could use. But that wasn't good enough for them. I was willing to spend the half hour clearing up before they finished, washing up paint stuff etc. But no they wanted me to be there for 2 hours each half term and be involved with the actual kids. Strangely they didn't put pressure on Dad ( who did all the drop offs)

It's kind of you, and I'd love if a parent offered to do this for our group. BUT, it might be that your group needed parents to stay, or there'd be no group to build a PC for, or any activity to clear up after. I agree that it shouldn't just be mums who are asked to help though. Any parent will do!

I volunteer for Brownies on the admin side. The Brown Owl was struggling massively running a pack on her own. She goes above and beyond, but it's an enormous burden. So much red tape and organisation today. I volunteer for several different organisations and sometimes feel bogged under myself. If i tell others how much I have to get done, invariably people don't offer to help. I get increasingly frustrated. Most people are happy to reap the rewards without making any contribution at all. Because they have never volunteered themselves they have no empathy with what it entails.

I was never asked to volunteer at cubs or beavers, I probably would have quite like
to but it seemed there was a tight group of people who were already friends with the couple who ran the groups. Whenever they did the camp trips it felt like they didn’t want anyone in their bubble so I never let my children go on the overnight trips.

You have to make it conditional of being in the pack for it to work.

Ds' Beaver group it was you provide one adult volunteer once a term or they come off the list - and held to it (obviously there were times when the child/volunteer was sick on the day or similar, but it was expected). There was no moaning about it, no "but I can't". You were given your day and if you couldn't do that day, you sorted out a swap or someone else to do it.

Dd2's Rainbow group asked for volunteers after the second had had a serious car accident and was going to be out for two terms. I was the only one who volunteered, even though they said if there wasn't anyone then they could not run. Any weeks I couldn't do it, it didn't run.
I would come with my younger ds (aged 18 months), straight after picking dd1 up from school, to help set up and set dd1 in the corner doing her homework.

Other parents gave excuses: "I have a younger/older one"; "I have to cook tea"; "I have to do the school run and am tired (same school run as I did)" etc.

volunteering parents are not left alone with children so DBS / PVG checks aren’t required unless they volunteer regularly

scouting has the same rules as guides agreed with the disclosure bodies

Thank you

Parent here too. I volunteer as a leader at scouts every week after I’ve been working full time.

fair enough volunteering isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but please remember most of the leaders are also full time working parents giving up their time to provide your children with fun and adventure.

is it too much to ask you to help out once a term?

do you do anything else to contribute?

My daughter does an activity that always inundates me with volunteer requests. It's a bit different to guiding as it is run as a business. I pay a fair amount for it. I am at my limit as a full time working parent. I do give up some free time to support an annual event but I ignore all other requests. I already give up time to support other voluntary events associated with my profession. I am at my limit.

These requests always fall disproportionately on women who are already shouldering a huge load.

@eurochick your posts sums up why I didn’t volunteer for clubs. Juggling work, life and parenting is a lot. I was also put off as my husband actively said he could help several times and was told we prefer mums to help.

Another guider here. We are baby sitters for some and they think we get paid, something we make a point of disproving termly. Is your district/division/trefoil helping?

Jeez we would love a dad helper. They are usually our gazebo /event shelter builders

Was that brownies / guides or cubs ?

Thank you. The admin side is huge halp

My DC benefitted hugely from scouting. Luckily both , now early adult, realise this and plan to give back once in a position to do so.

I wish more people would understand why its important to help out a few times a year, makes huge difference to opportunities for all kids, especially those that otherwise would get a chance to do those activities.

I helped out as an adult helper and DH fixed or prepared stuff. We stopped as some parents were rude& lacking to understand we volunteered. I'm actually going back to help on camps to support 1-1's.

@Floralnomad brownies and then guides. I personally found it a bit odd. Both continually asked for volunteers and when he did he’d get commentary of we have enough mums, can’t mum help etc.

We have got very strict. If they can answer school they can answer us tough luck if your kid misses out. Enough is enough

It’s interesting that lots seem to have moved to compulsory adult volunteer module I’ll let my other leader know it’s working well for some.
There’s different types of clubs.
So clubs operating at businesses £x a week. Volunteer run clubs much cheaper but adult volunteer needed x hours a year too.
I think in past it was sort of known. As volunteer run clubs have become more professional there’s blurring and some parents don’t understand or care.
A recent brownies complaint email to volunteer leader referred to her and her staff, she has no staff she’s just a volunteer leader with a ft paid job and a weekly mum helper who is currently doing her training.
Without derailing thread the amount of emails and messages we now get has increased massively post Covid. Mum emailing a lengthy email because child was sad she didn’t get a turn at a game was a recent one.

I can only assume they wanted to keep it an “all female space” . My daughter went to beavers / cubs as we had mixed packs and generally did more than our local equivalent guide section .

This sounds really unusual.

I'd love to have more male help! Yes, it's a female only club, but helpers can be any gender.

Honestly it is a thankless task so I feel for you, This was always a frustration for anyone who has been a class rep at school. I was working full time and managed to organise class collections/ volunteer/ organised year 6 hoodies/ created the yearbooks etc. so much of my time was spent chasing parents for payments, information, getting them to sign up for rotas or even just giving information such as full name and attendance to various things. And then some parents got miffed at me for various things and you feel like screaming I’m doing this in my spare time and for free for the benefit of all the kids! By the time secondary school came I just had had enough so haven’t don’t any roles like that again. (Although I do always volunteer when asked!).

That would be about an extra £60 a term, so for Cubs over £100 a term. I don't know if people would pay that? Scouting and Guiding have always been accessible and affordable.

Hello!

I do get the impression from some that we are thought of as babysitters.

A very cynical view would say that's all we are, but I don't think that's fair or true.

I've never had to prove I do it for free- that's awful! I can't think that many of our parents/carers would really not be aware that volunteer means unpaid.

My Commissioner is supporting me, but it's so difficult to retain and recruit.

I do feel like more needs to be done proactively, which I'd be happy to be involved with

I’d definitely stress that in your messages as it does seem to be a common misapprehension it needs to be mum.

I maybe haven't stressed this enough.