I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

Always thought I would be a parent to 3-4 kids. A lot happened that made me realize God did me a favor to take that option away (cancer but caught early) I became a mom to a 7 year old severely autistic child (my niece) I was a caregiver from day one but not the main one and got all the fun but could give her back sotospeak, then right after my cancer diagnosis, my mom got one, was dragging said kid to bathroom to throw up during chemo, felt compelled to raise her because no one else would do it or she would go to the state etc. I am glad I stepped up, but I have a lot of health issues and I am so beyond grateful she is of age now. She still lives with me but I won't feel like I let everyone down now if I decide to put her in a home. We just take it day by day. Sometimes it is hard to see those little moments and there have been times I didn't know if I was going to survive each day. and that is just with one, albeit one who feels like 7 at times. With mental illness (manageable and treatable) half a dozen chronic illnesses, I don't get a lot of help but I have people I can call in an emergency and people who care. I advise finding your people to call when you can't take another second. It is easy to isolate, especially for me with a child who doesn't get out well. (she threw a tantrum at one restaurant and started breaking dishes. They were nice about it and we got her out fast but never been back with her.) but there are resources for me at least to have someone watch her for 2 hours once a week if I need a nap or need to go to the dr. Find ways to get away even if it is just 30 minutes locked in your bathroom (your dh can alternate so he gets his destress time) realize this too shall pass, and I don't know what your faith is but my relationship with God helped me immensely. Love and Blessings to you.

Well good for you. How is any of that helpful to OP in her current struggles? It’s not like she could or would want to un-have her children - she’s just finding this stage really hard, as many parents do.

It's not, obviously. But hundreds of other people will be reading this thread. If my comment helps one of those, who may be on the fence about having kids, realise maybe that parenting isn't for them, that's a good thing surely!? That's why I posted.

My comment clearly bothered you enough to respond. Why is that?

Perhaps because it was a smug and self righteous comment only tangentially related to the original post which offered zero helpful or supportive input and appears designed to be provocative in this context. Why would anyone do that? What peculiar agenda would such a person have to have?

Parenting is a major job. But, do consider this. Your children are healthy.
Consider the parents who have children born with health issues.
They would love to be just tired and not worried to death.
Hang in - they grow.

No 'peculiar agenda', just a different opinion.
I do think some might find my post helpful for the simple fact that whenever people come on here, similar to the OP, saying they're struggling, the majority will respond with the usual 'it's always hard at the beginning, it does get easier/more fun', 'Can you do something to break the day up?' or 'could you have PND?' and such like when, in fact, none of the above is true at all and, actually, OP HAS realised too late that she genuinely hates parenting, as her thread title actually states.
I commented to highlight predominantly to others that it's perfectly OK to say you just know you will hate parenting and, thus, decide not to have kids. Despite how much society expects you to.

@jumpingthruhoops This is a fair point. On reflection though you omitted to accept there is not one person here who has stated they don't love their children & they wouldn't have had them if they knew what it entailed.

I sometimes complained I hated my job then given the opportunity to change it I realised my thoughts were simply down to being exhausted & in need of a break. Until someone gives birth to a baby they will never understand how it feels to have something in your life you would gladly give your own life for. Having days when you say you hate parenting is as natural as saying there are days when you hate your job. You can throw your job away. The vast majority of parents wouldn't dream of throwing away their children,it would break their hearts.That alone speaks volumes.

And posting that on Mumsnet on a thread about raising existing children seemed like the right place for you? Doesn’t that seem like you are missing your intended childless audience?

I said it earlier on this thread.

How come we can't comment in the non parent forum but you can come on here reading how shit parenting is to make yourself feel smug?

Oh do stop it. Should that be the answer to every thread? At least you have a mum / dad / sibling / partner / house? You currently have one child and a husband. "I get children can be tiring but all experiences pass"... Sure, but 18 odd years is a long time to wait if you have more than one, are on your own and they are not "easy" NT kids. I hope you are successful in your hopes for more children and that life continues well for you but do try and remember that your experience is not everyones..maybe your nieces / nephews were really challenging in some particular ways.

The fact is people will never know until
they have their own Children. I agree there are parents who could only dream of other parents experiences raising their children. This doesn't mean those less fortunate would change anything once they have their child. It's understandable they would wish their child to be healthy & NT without the stress involved in day to day life but it's all part of life's challenges. I don't believe other people's experiences should have any influence on the decision to have children or not.

Not at all. Lots of childfree people read AIBU - just as I did - and I thread started by someone saying they hate parenting will be of interest to them.
You've established you don't like my post. I've explained my reasons why I posted. Probably best to leave it now.

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself by trying to do everything? Trying to keep on top of housework, paid work and childcare can be exhausting, another aspect is for many women it is very boring. A lack of sleep and adult company often adds to feelings of isolation and depression.
Personally I found only doing the absolute necessary chores and meeting up with other adults for a quick cuppa helped. I also think that playing with your children (not entertaining them) can help with stress.

Excellent advice - in addition when old enough, leaving them at someone else’s house for a bit (aka play dates) is a lifesaver - me and a close group of mum friends would rotate on hosting to save each other’s sanity! I would have really struggled with overwhelm and loneliness without them ❤️