I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

I love my DD but I don’t like parenting either.

I think I was born to have no responsibilities and just work and travel.

I even struggle with romantic relationships and stay single because I like my freedom too much.

But you can find joy in parenting.

Your kids are still young but once they get older you can do more fun things with them and you’ll get more of your independence back.

Do you work?
I find having my own identity in my career is really helpful.

Do you have a social life or hobbies away from your kids?

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

@ThatCleverFawn Mine have moved from combative to coop mode, they're playing a lot together by themselves now, so we're finally getting a chance to start properly getting on top of our home and actually having some sitting down time. It all helps.

I work but I absolutely HATE my job at the moment. If I didn’t have kids I’d leave but I can’t! That 100% isn’t their fault but does mean I’m either working and hating it or parenting and finding that hard.

The trick is to get them all above the age of three without giving in to the temptation to have another one.

It is a fair question.

I think a big part of it for me was having a Covid baby and wanting to do it all ‘properly.’ I adored the first year. Now I’m juggling work, my sweet baby is a toddler and it’s all falling apart 😭

@ThatCleverFawn ah that's really hard. Obviously with parenting you'll have to bide your time as they mature, but the job is more within your control, could you look for a different job? I appreciate that's not easy with a 1 year old especially if recently back from maternity, but perhaps as aspiration for 2025?

OP you are right in the trenches at those ages

I remember my mother saying they are lovely when they are in bed ! Little angels but exhausting during the day . Especially in winter, I remember doing a lot of lying down reading books with them in the afternoons - to try and rest a bit .
Honest parents will admit is frequently hard work

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

Because I knew it was the 0-3 parenting stage I didn't like and that that was temporary. I knew in the longer term I wanted 2 children. And I was right. I'm sure OP is similar too, she's still in the trenches but likely has a long term vision of her family.

If I am very honest I do keep thinking I should only have had one. But now I love them both, so I don’t know which one I’d ’return.’ Life would be so much easier though.

That's a very tough stage, OP. Exhaustion, especially juggling work too, is so debilitating. Get as much rest/time for yourself as humanly possible, whoever you get help from. I promise it'll get easier but you're far from alone. X

@MaggieBsBoat I'm quite surprised that if you found parenting as difficult as you have that you declare it hard until 9/10 that you opted to start over again having already spent 20 years parenting?!

Same, op. Mine are 4.5 and nearly 2. My eldest is easy but going through a very clingy stage at the moment. My youngest still sleeps shit and whilst I love them dearly and do find fun moments, it's bloody hard and I need regular breaks or else I feel myself getting very low

@ThatCleverFawn it would but you still have 2 young aged children in a high needs stage, it doesn't feel double the work when they're older, honestly.

At weekends are you each having a lie in?
DH would have his on a Saturday morning and I’d take the kids somewhere and then I’d have Sundays.
I also belonged to a gym with a Creche and would put the younger children in that sometimes too if I’d had enough!
I think it’s difficult at this time of year too as it’s too cold to be out for that long and also goes dark so early. That will improve as well.

It gets easier, I promise!

Another one, genuine question.
Why don't women think harder what they want for themselves?
The fact that "it's gonna be different for me" is
a lie, as are most "traditional" things in life.

I sympathise! I positively hated my time at home when my 2 were little - early 80's, lots of us were SAHM and most said they loved it, either they were massive fibsters or I really was the odd one out. I couldn't wait for them to start reception and I looked on all schooling as glorified childcare. I was so bored, even though I loved them, and every day was a long monotous slog, repetitive and headache-inducing. They became wonderful adults and I've helped care for my grandchildren regularly but still looked forward to their bedtimes! Teenagers now and a positive delight - I'm the fun granny!

I'm sorry you're unhappy at work as well so everything must seem a misery atm. The childcare does get better as they get older (and others share the responsibility), I found a local girl studying childcare at our local college who'd come round 2 afternoons a week and take whoever was being more irksome out to the park which helped. It wasn't expensive and I gave her a glowing reference for her CV. Good luck 💐

It’s very hard if you are either working or parenting 24/7. No wonder you are exhausted.

Do your children have any contact at all with their father/s? If he is just visiting then at your place, can you at least get him to take them out for a few hours? Don’t let him sit in your house, eat your food, taking photos for his Facebook page and pretend that’s parenting his kids.

Im assuming he is unwilling to have them to stay at his house at all? So many many fathers just walk away from their kids 😡

My youngest is three now and I'm slowly starting to enjoy parenting.

Before recently however I could have crawled into a cave to just die

It’s completely normal to feel this way with a 4 year old and a 1 year old and no sleep! You’ll feel entirely differently in a year or so with sleep.

Why do the kids stop you changing jobs?

Most of us hate parenting if that’s any comfort. Love the kids, hate the role.

Honestly, it will get easier.

I might get flamed for admitting this, but for a good while after dd was born I use to fantasise about abandoning her in a shop or hospital so she would be taken into care. It got easier though and now I understand that I was overwhelmed and exhausted, compounded by the fact that my then husband didn’t support me enough.

When I had a child with my second husband, if I got to the point of sheer exhaustion he would pack me off for a hotel on my own for a night which was bliss. I would sleep for a good 10-12 hours and come back the next day feeling like a new woman

Is your partner doing enough?

My 3 are all in their 30s - I'm quite enjoying being a parent now 😂