I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

And one day you may be as lucky as this young gran,the beauty of having children in your 20s
🏃‍♀️💃🏊‍♀️👶👶

I remember this feeling. When they woke before 7 I would despair and think I’ve got twelve hours of this. And the same tomorrow…. But it does get better. I hope you’re having help.

It's the shits right now OP with that age gap and the sleepless night slog, plus basically being burntout and just well...shit.. But hang in there. When baby turns 3 ish and the siblings start to 'play' you'll have a moment of briefly thinking how perfect thry are- before they start knocking seven bells out of each other again to remind you parenthood really is the little bits of joy, don't aim any higher than fed, alive , reasonably happy and your nailing it. ;)

Are you on drugs?
i am in my 40ies with 2 young children, so no, I won’t be “lucky young gran” if I will be grandma at all.

is mother/grandmother your whole personality?

I remember lying in the bed when I was woken very early and praying for the strength to get through the next 12 hours. My husband was travelling a lot and 3 under 6, it was very full on.
They were great kids but the lack of sleep nearly broke me.
I wasn't religious but it drove me to prayer😁

Been there, done that. Beyond exhausting. What I think would have worked for me was knowing there would be a guaranteed time off. As a friend said at the time, “you may have to go out to get it”. I didn’t think I could go out (in retrospect, I was wrong). It was before mobile phones & I needed to be on call for my father. Now I go away with friends for 1 or 2 nights a few times a year (kids grown up, carer for spouse) It really helps, just knowing you don’t have to do anything.

No, I don't do drugs never have. I have a glass or two of wine at the weekend or nights out. You are right in assuming children have always been an important part of my life but not my whole personality. I absolutely love the company of children anyones children,especially when they start walking & talking. They just make me laugh. I'm interested in why you think that's so wrong or unusual. 🤔

I do understand that. I love the honesty of kids ( 5 and older). I love the honest conversations and being genuine and authentic before it's metaphorically battered out of them.

Most the time though, I actually do want drugs because it's a stressful pain in the arse and I just had no clue what was coming. The stress of the responsibility alone is overbearing before you get to any of the other day to day stuff.

Thank you for talking about this. It has been taboo since time began.

I will finally add I found the teething stage extremely difficult. Thankfully it's a stage that passes. I'd tell myself a child in pain is not a pain they just need help. Exhausting as it is we get them through it.

All the best to all the young mums out there. Your doing a great job. Hopefully when they grow up you will all be as proud of them as I am of mine. One of my children said recently he loved his childhood & being part of our family despite the ocasional troubles which nobody escapes. That's enough for me.

There's a great film with Olivia Coleman in. I can't recall ithe name.

She depicts adjusting to motherhood with difficulty and resentment brilliantly.' A crushing responsibility ' I think she says in the film when someone is fawning over the joy of beings a mum.

Are you in a financial position to take the kids on holiday OP? Have a bit of a break from ‘mundane life’. You’ll still have to parent, obviously😂but a nice week in the sun, having your meals cooked for you and your beds made could be a nice time for all of you.

After reading the posts of how hard parenting is I felt I needed to post this.
When you first have children it’s all about the challenges of parenting, the struggles of a baby waking in the night, the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare.
Having to take time off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches. You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning and try to soak in the magic of those moments. You take them to sports practice and different after school events, rushing to get there on time, no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.

Life is just so busy that you don’t stop to think what the end of those days look like.
In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.
Suddenly the hours turn into days, days into months, and months into years.
That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go. The chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home gets replaced by silence and solitude.

So hold on as tight as you can, time passes so quickly and you'll ask yourself so many questions.

Did you teach them the right lessons?
Did you read them enough books as a child?
Spend enough time playing with them?
How many school parties did you miss?
Do they really know how much you love them? What could I have done better as a parent?

Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life that at times leaves you exhilarated & other times heartbroken.

But one thing is certain, it’s never enough time.💕

So for all the parents with young children who’s days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness, exhausted day in and day out.

Soak. It. All. In.

Because one day all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, sport practice, dance classes, and late tea time - they all come to an end.

And you’re left hoping that you did enough, so that when they spread their wings -
they’ll fly...💕

The fact that you seriously believe their attitudes are something to aspire to makes me think you’re not posting genuinely to be honest.

I barely know anything about them but I do know the relationships between them and the elder children have broken down. That’s a very, very damaged woman, not someone any of us should be trying to emulate.

That aside, no one is ‘shouting about how terrible their life is because they have a child.’

a) No one is shouting. Literally no one has used capitals. People are calmly talking.

b) no one is saying life is ‘terrible. They are saying it’s tiring and not always hugely enjoyable.

The ‘innocent children who did not ask to be born’ on this thread are without exception, loved, well cared for, all their needs met and given the opportunities to thrive. Unlike the Radfords children, I might add.

If you actually are done with the thread, good. Your posts have been tedious and dull.

Hey Op why are you slagging the Radford family?? I've watched their programme and followed them on you tube for several years and they are great parents. The kids all seem to adore them (including older ones). What are you on about?

As I say, I only know the bare minimum about them. I do know they make their money through content about their numerous children though which isn’t something I personally aspire to. Oh, and I also didn’t start my family at 14 with an older teen and I don’t lock my children in their bedrooms overnight, if that helps as a starter for ten so to speak.

They do make money from the media but I guess they are taking the opportunities they are given. Main income is their pie company of course.
Never heard anything about locking children in bedrooms!

Why judge another family though?

main income is their pie company of course

Look, I don’t want to sound horrible but you must be mad if you believe that. Pre (dubious) fame, the main income was state benefits. Now it is content based and the content is their children. They really are in no way at all parents I aspire to, not even slightly. I judge them because I don’t like what they do and because they were brought up here by another poster as parents I should apparently want to be like which elicits snorts from me. They are the last parents I’d emulate myself on. Like I say, that’s a very damaged woman, not someone I want to model myself on at all!

Interestingly before I sign out from this thread I've had another quick look, skimmed through it & noticed my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up.🤔I'll take that as not everyone agrees my intended to help posts are tedious & dull. I'm sure you are an excellent mum but the negativity throughout the thread is what encouraged me to add a different slant on the subject.

As far as the Radfords are concerned I never intended it to be anything other than imagine what it would be like to cope with 22 (albeit through choice)not that anyone should wish to aspire to being that parent.

I wish you all the best on your parenting journey 😊

Only you can see your own likes, it doesn’t mean they are the only posts that have received them.

You last claimed you were going to sign out from the thread four hours ago.

I could have written this op and I only had 1.

it’s gets massively better when they get a little older. I remember when DD was old enough to get out of bed and go down and grab the iPad or turn on the telly as entertain herself for a hour. It was pure heaven

Time flies,film over,off to bed. Hope you get the breaks you deserve. It's hard when you don't have the support of Grandparents. I honestly wish everyone had that privilege because it makes everything so much more copable with but it's not always meant to be.

"my posts are the only posts here which have received a good few thumbs up."

Have you realised your error yet? Other posters might have many more likes than you but you'll never know - you can't see them.

How funny that you've been thinking you're the only one on the whole of Mumsnet who gets them 😄!

Edited to say this is to @Thoughtsonallsorts

You made your bed. Now you are going to have to lie in it.