I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

I have several friends who are single mums of 1 , and they do not enjoy spending time with their kids mainly because they never set any boundaries so their children are out of control..so from my experience, good parenting is definitely something that is a game changer, wether you have one of a few kids. Provided the children do not have any conditions etc of course...

@Kikili Sorry but we’ll have to agree to disagree. I am a good parent, I’m sure the OP and others on this thread are good parents. You can be a good parent with boundaries in place and still find parenting very hard work and unejoyable to the max. And again, there is nothing like having a second child to make you realise that anything your first child does well was probably just fluke rather than good parenting. Obviously there are some bad parents out there and some people who have no boundaries, but I think most people are just trying their best and if they’re struggling that’s not through anything they have done or could have done differently.

Being a parent is not easy but you have to suck it up. Once the kids are there you need to be there for them. Simple as. Today's world is full of lightweights and complainers. It is the kids I feel sorry for. WTF is wrong with people? Grow up.

Give me and others strength having to read this codswallop.

I find myself frequently envious of people who don't have kids or responsibilities, the freedom to make choices for themselves. Parenting young kids is just so relentless. Despite that, I love my life and would murder for my children. Sounds like maybe you need a break, do you think a night or two away might help? Check in to a spa or something?

Why is good parenting codswallop?

Somebody once said to me "I would die for my child but I find living with then so hard" and that really stuck in my head. Another thing that resonates with me is that some children are just easier than others, I have two nieces and one is just the dream child, sweet natured, easy going but not passive, sleeps well, enjoys her food, reads and plays independently, while the other is the opposite. It can feel like a lucky dip, you just have to roll with what you get! Of course boundaries and consistency matter but some are more challenging than others and a dream baby can become a full on toddler and vice versa. Then of course there are the teen years...

Really feel for you OP. It’s relentless at that age. Dr Steve Peters says in one his books (can’t remember which one) never underestimate the mental energy it takes to look after a young child. I don’t think anything has ever resonated with me more. Also if work is not great it sounds like that will also be draining your mental energy.

it does get better in time. You get different problems as they get older. But you get to have a hot cup of tea while you worry about them.

I agree and you have explained this clearly and compassionately.

my one year old is delightful and I couldn’t love her any more but … she’s one; she needs to nap which can be disruptive in terms of days out and managing this, and she’s very interested in the world around her and wants everything her brother has. He is actually very good with her but equally I’m aware he has to cede defeat with a lot of toys and games!

Sorry but 🙄🙄🙄 there's something a bit sad/odd when people who don't have children make a point of opening and reading threads where the op is struggling with parenting just to add comments like this.

You will want to put them in the bin at some points. Wearing earphones and listening to good tunes or podcast will help when you have to jiggle them as they cry.

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture…

I get children can be tiring. That is true. But all experiences pass.
My brother and his wife were so negative when they had small kids. They used to say, 'oh you'll see how hard it is when you have kids'. So they put me off having kids for a few years with my husband. I really have regretted this, and listening to them.
Since then, I have had two beautiful girls, who are amazing, and obv demanding. But I struggled to have my second child for 3 years. I'm currently going through fertility treatment to have another child, that I really would love.

Cherish these times, and think of how lucky you are. I love every single moment with my now 2.5 yo, as it could be the last time I have a toddler.
Think of people who can't have children, and people put off, by others experiences, which completely differ to mine. Not everyone has the same experience.

It’s not a competition. People can be sad about the same thing for different reasons and both reasons are valid

What did I say?

This thread has been posted in the childfree forum.

I knew it!!

Do you have a support network OP, friends or family that could just take the load for a day to let you catch up on some sleep, binge a box set or something else you enjoy? Parenting is tough! Especially with 2 little ones. Give yourself a break, I think we all have days like that. If you find that you're feeling like this all the time, you could maybe go and see your GP? You maybe need some support to start feeling like yourself again.

I’d imagine a lot of us can relate.

Miost certainly it can feel like a real uphill struggle for a while. It is tough, relentless and often unrewarding. How old are your children?

It does get easier. The challenges change as they get older but it gets less ‘big’ x

Nothing sad about it at all.
I posted merely to highlight that, some of us realise early on we'll hate parenting, so decide not to have children. And that, more importantly, it's OK to say so.
Maybe if more people spoke openly about this, others might feel more able to follow a different path to the one most of society expects them to.

You are amazing for being sooooo honest. If you have a partner, can he / she give you 1 day off a month (or more) to go out, even if on your own. A walk, a read, a coffee or lunch to collect your thoughts and breathe without a little one wanting you.
I found parenting hard. All the stress of juggling a job, school runs, shifts etc and longed for it to be just 'us' again. Came to love them so much as teenagers that I cried my eyes out when they went to uni. Keep going. It's only a wonderful mum who insight.

Women have never been taught to ask what we want for ourselves

I hear you OP mine are older now though (16 and 18)

Obviously I have always adored the 2 of them but fuck me parenting small children is relentless, tiring and thankless. Chucking a job into the mix was added juggling but I’d have gone absolutely insane as a SAHM

Sometimes I think back on those days and don’t know how I did it honestly and my kids were just regular kids no particular challenges (my youngest has ASD but never really manifested til he was a bit older).

teenagers do cause different worries when they have to be left to be able to do their own thing. The eldest out driving, clubbing etc is very anxiety inducing! But it’s not as relentless in the same way as with little
ones. I can now go out, away for the weekend etc and leave them behind! They are great fun and great company and fab people.

I see colleagues with little ones and never ever do I have a hankering to be back there again.

There are definitely posters here with an agenda.

I posted a week ago after several nights of broken sleep. More accurately my thread title should have been ‘I don’t want to parent today. I want a day off.’ But that won’t happen for a while off so you have to pull yourself through and go through the motions.

I don’t think anything I have posted indicates I seriously don’t want the children or would make different choices if I could turn back the clock. On the contrary I wouldn’t. My youngest is 18 months and I know I’m just two short years life will be unrecognisable. But it can be hard and tiring right now. It’s so odd the way posters with an agenda have twisted this and a bit disturbing to be honest.

Yes it's harder with 2.
Especially when they're small.
Do you have any help op?

With my 3rd son I really struggled when he was a preschooler, I honestly thought he was adhd for a couple of years. He just could not sit still, and if I wasn't watching him at all times he would be destroying something or doing something dangerous. He was otherwise a good kid, but such hard work. However, once he was established at infant school things started getting much better, I worked with the teachers to get him sitting still and paying attention, and it absolutely paid off. The key is to keep at it, play together, have fun conversations, find ways to enjoy being together. Boundaries are really important, but so is self-esteem so keep up praise where it's due. Bonding at primary school age is so important, once they start the preteen phase you'll need it!

Im sure you're doing a great job, at you child's age it can be intense and progress seems slow. It's so hard when you're exhausted, it can be easy to become distant to your child when you're not enjoying it, so you do have to find little ways to take time out and recharge before getting ready to engage again.

I think it is very important that we feel able to share, when we are struggling. The alternative is bottling up those feelings, and that never works out well, in my experience - it just makes things so much worse.

It is OK that other posters have different experiences of motherhood - but what I do NOT think is OK is posters who are subtly (or indeed very unsubtly) trying to pressure you to put up and shut up.