I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

It's weak, manipulative and offensive all in one.

Been following both threads but wanted to just say how bloody amazing you truly are and an amazing role model to your kids! I am praying you get sleep before baby comes good luck with the birth!

Hope you got some rest last night.

I was so upset for you reading your op. I predict better things for you. May not seem like it but you'll live a great life going forward, a life with truth. Not the lies he has propped himself up with. What a pos. Get rid and get some therapy to support you whilst you're in this delicate state. You're such a warrior. You've got this.

I’m so sorry op. I bloody hate this type of thread, but they are unfortunately not uncommon.
For what it’s worth, I think you have done exactly the right thing, rallying the support of your family and doing your level best to keep calm.
His message is just breathtaking in its stupidity. I am sorry he turned out to be such a thundercunt. Good luck with the birth and massive unmumsnetty hugs to you. You WILL get through this xxxx

I have read all your posts on both threads OP and I am so impressed by how strong and empowered you are being. I am so very pleased that you have such a supportive and loving family around you.

I am not sure that I would ignore his text completely, at some point you will have to deal with him and it would be good that he know you are in control and telling him when you will be ready and what your boundaries are. I agree with an OP though who said that perhaps get your brother to field him until after you have given birth to save him catching you off guard.

I hope you got some sleep last night.

My daughter discovered that her husband had been unfaithful so my OH and I went and stayed with her. She went to a solicitor and I went with her but didn't say anything. I took notes which I gave her.
My first husband was unfaithful too so I left him and then he phoned to say he was sorry. I don't know if he wanted to get back together but there was no chance.

Sending love OP.
Please ensure that you are screened for potential STI's. I'm sorry for suggesting this - but best check.

I've just seen both threads.

You know what I can't get over? In his message there's no apology, no concern for you or your children and how you are - just a simple request bundled up with some emotional blackmail 'for the sake of the kids'.

Honestly, it's completely heartless.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but at least you know. The timing could have been better...

I'm so glad you have such a supportive family around you. You absolutely will 'get past this', but on your terms and in your time.

You'll get through this op. You're handled it beautifully so far.

The absolute cheek he has wanting to look past it for “the sake of the children” but he hasn’t given a fuck to ask for them.

hes showing you what kind of dad he is now.he’ll use their existence to suit him.

He’s probably hedging his bets and I feel like that message is written on the basis that he knows you’re in communication with the ow. So if he tries to get back in with her and you sent her his messages, it’s suitably ambiguous. He’s testing the water without committing himself. He’s probably shitting himself though the stupid wanker.

I’ve been thinking of you op, I hope you got a bit of sleep last night. You’ve been so bloody strong 💐

I am stunned at your mature resolve and apparent calm control - I know that won't be what is going on beneath the surface but your behaviour and actions are dignified and to be admired. An absolute indication that you will rise above it all and be a fantastic example to us all and your children in times of utter despair and uncertainty - I have not been in your situation but I absolutely know my reaction would have been rage and destruction to my own ultimate detriment. I am a lot older than you and so impressed by your wise ways!

I was thinking this. He’s seeing if OP will have him back, and if not, his little slapper will be there for him

I’m betting that he didn’t go home to his parents place.

Sorry can we stop absolving the OW please?

Timing absolutely terrible on her part.

And yes, maybe sometimes OW are told a pack of lies, and are guilty at most of being naive but in this case? Not buying it.

Any affairs between colleagues come with at least some idea of the others' homelife surely? She could have easily found out his actual situation from someone else (as she did eventually) and called it off early.

I expect she either got dumped (and was furious, causing max damage) or fed up of waiting and took matters into her own hands.

Either way she's an arsehole, as is he.

No they don’t get on …. We can see why!

I hope you managed to get some sleep Waffletots. For your check up today have you someone going with you.
Take care of yourself.

I think his one liner is worded like that because he is hedging his bets and knows you're in contact with ow. With this he can just say, I had to ask, for the kids' sake. A grovelling apology and anything like concern for you would come off badly if she saw it.

The ow got in touch with OP at 38 weeks pregnant just before Christmas for ultimate revenge either to force his hand or because she had been dumped. She needs blocking because she is out to twist the knife.

H is the one with his wandering dick who has totally betrayed Op, he knows the game is up, everyone knows and she has her family supporting her. He has sat and thought of every angle to reset back into his marriage without having to apologise nor explain and hoped Op being so heavily pregnant would be so thankful to have him by her side when giving birth and Christmas looming that he tried to use the children in the text to trigger her to feel guilty that by putting her foot down would hurt their 3 year old. He was counting on using OP’s vulnerability at 38 weeks pregnant to worm his way back and play the great family man again. He was placing the guilt on Op that if she chooses to walk away from him she will be responsible for any hurt felt by their child, classic DARVO

I hope you got some sleep in last night waffletots

Sending strength for your midwives appointment today I'm sure they will be helpful. It's likely to be tough going having to say it aloud to them but know they are there for you and your baby and you already have a plan set up with your lovely family.

OP, you are so dignified. I am truly in awe. Wishing you all the very best with the birth. This too shall pass, and you shall be able to hold your head high x

Hope you managed to get some sleep

And amazed at some of the replies over a glass of wine 🙄

One drink is not going to make baby alcohol dependant

Good heavens you are a tower of strength OP. Your children are so lucky to have a mother like you and it's clear you're going to give them a great life and upbringing.

It's amazing how we can live with duplicitous people in plain sight until they finally get caught out. My husband is in the police and he says that people will always, always surprise you in terms of what they're capable of, even the most mild mannered.

You're number one priority now is you, your child and unborn child. It might be a good idea to meditate communication through your brother (who is wonderful by the way). Just say you must prioritize your health right now and your brother is your point of contact. Watch out for those postpartum hormones which may tear down your resolve. You and your children are far better off in the loving care of your family rather than with this selfish man who wants to have his cake and eat it. Wishing you the very best now and for the future 🥰

Your doing so well.
I cannot believe what a prize cunt she is for telling you now. Its one thing being the other woman, absolutely another telling a 38 week pregnant woman.
the blame clearly lies with your husband, but she’s utterly despicable for telling you now.