I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

Thank you everyone. I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow which is my main concern right now but I am going to see a solicitor this week and take my Dad with me for some support. I want to do this properly with as little fall out as is possible as I know one day my children will have to hear a watered down version of this, the story of “why mummy and daddy aren’t together” and also I want to ensure my children are entitled to every single penny.
I’m so upset he hasn’t asked after our 3 year old, I would have classed him as pretty hands on Dad and I’m surprised how quickly things can change, he also claimed to be excited about this baby but nope, no word either!

I can't believe he thinks you can just 'move on'.

I'm so glad you have lots of family support and I really hope the next month or so goes well for you with the arrival of your new baby.

I guess you are going to have to have a think about how and when you allow him to meet the new baby.

What a shit-show he is.

You have handle the situation admirably OP. So sorry this is happening to you and glad you have a supportive family around you. He is throwing away his beautiful family for what!! A shag, the excitement of seeking around, thrill. You don't deserve this and he will regret it but it is to late. I cant understand why people decide to have affairs. If they want to play around then end the marriage/relationship. This is just so cruel. You deserve so much more.

Typical man - no accountability, no apology, minimising his behaviour. Putting it on you if you can't get past it snd throwing emotional blackmail'for the kids' in to boot.

You really are amazing OP, I'm so glad you have such a strong support network, your going to be okay, be kind to yourself whilst you get through this

Well he might be preoccupied begging the ow for a chance.

OP, I want to be you when I grow up. You have handled this brilliantly.

Not going off on OW
Not causing a scene with him
Making sure you child is happily oblivious elsewhere so that you are able to feel your feelings without it impacting them..

All just absolutely spot on, which isn't easy to be when you find out something like this. I admire you so much.

What are you talking about ????

🤦‍♀️

It's absolutely disgusting, @Waffletots that he hasn't asked after the little one.

My own husband I thought was great...and a good dad.

But one Christmas, he too did this.
I was the last to know.

They are so utterly selfish that they can't seem to think of anyone but themselves, obviously goaded on by the OW.

My ex said {in retrospect} that it was the worst decision in his life.

Make sure you get the house, and can buy him out, but hook or by crook.

Your children deserve that at least.

I think this is the time you need to realise that he will be out for himself now. I doubt the enormity of what he has done has sunk in yet, but it will. For your little one, just say that Dad has had to go away with work. My son was 2.5 when his father left, at that age, he really only wanted me and was happy with "daddy's at work" if he asked the question. For now, concentrate on sleep and rest. You've had so much to cope with. Keep going ❤️

One of updates from OP says the pregnancy was very much planned...

I love everything about how you are handling this awful situation @Waffletots. You’re an inspiration for anyone else going through something like this.

Cannot believe your strength and resolve.

You should screenshot and send to OW to really fuck him over as no doubt he’s hanging out with her to weigh up
his options, despite her blowing your lives apart by contacting you. It’s amazing how much these men can overlook when faced with nothing but their own company

The "we" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. He wants you to ignore his terrible behaviour because he wants the magic of being present at DC2's birth and the first proper Christmas where DC1 is getting very excited about it all.

I wouldn't be surprised if OW has told him to sling his hook because she's worth more than his lies and now he's facing a cold and lonely Christmas and rest of his life.

You are definitely worth more than his lies. Be prepared for him begging to spend Christmas with you "for the sake of the children". The distinct lack of an apology (sincere or otherwise) shows that he still doesn't understand yet that his betrayal has caused all of this.

He has lost everything and it's all his own stupid fault.

Ah but they convince themselves that they are the shagger's One True Love and that they will be Together Forever.

Until he sticks his dick into the next one....

Oh he's suddenly remembered them!

Only now when everything else is at stake.

Beware, this is the script gearing up. DARVO is when they try to heap the blame into you. 'See how unreasonable she is! The children!!!'

Absolutely secure that money asap.

Do not give him any heads up about what you're doing. While he's still imagining he can manipulate you into letting it go, you have a window of opportunity. Move fast.

Thank goodness for your family.

Carry on being the strong wonderful person you obviously are. He’s admitted his guilt with ‘can we get past this’!! You and the children deserve so much more. Your support network sound amazing and having watched a close friend go through this, it gets better, you will be happy again. Big hugs xx

He doesn’t want to get past this “for the children”. He wants to get past this for himself and he is weaponising them because he thinks that will get to you.

He doesn’t want to be known as the guy who cheated throughout his wife’s pregnancy and to lose the lovely life you have built together.

Don’t be surprised if he gets nasty quickly when his tactics don’t work.

You are absolutely doing the right thing for yourself and your kids. Wishing you all the best. Remember to look after yourself. Take time each day to look after you. Your kids need that. Best wishes

Just want to say, you are absolutely amazing how you’ve handled this! I feel sad for you that it’s happened and I think the other woman is a very nasty person to do this at such a stage of your pregnancy. It’s disgusting behaviour. I reckon she suddenly found out you were pregnant and reacted as a woman scorned. Either way, you are better than that x

I somehow doubt the consideration was uppermost in her mind when she posted....

At least she had a reason - not sure what possessed you to post that crap?!

So much karma coming for so much scum. Sending love OP x

I think I would reply
"It's a great pity you didn't think of the children before you decided to stick your dick into another woman.
So the answer to your question is no"
What a lying, cheating cretin.

Yes... The one my husband left me for was so say his 'soulmate'- they were trying for a baby {didn't work} and then got married when out divorce came through-

But two years later their marriage imploded and he phoned me up..
He hadn't given a toss about devastating DC or me, yet when it all went tits up, who did he think to phone? ME!

Really it is too bad.

We tried to get on as DC was very upset, and still do get on, but they can be so shortsighted, thinking with their dicks.

He's on his third marriage now! 😐