I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

How dare he even suggest that you get through it ‘for the sake of the children’! Thats tugging at your emotions and trying to make YOU out to be the bad guy by implying that you have a choice here to not ruin the children’s lives, when the reality is, it’s his actions that have done that!
What a vile man.

OP, you have dealt with this admirably. I’m so pleased that you have a good family behind you who can help you through this. Your children, despite having an idiot for a father, have an incredible mum x

@OnyourbarksGSG You're preaching to the wrong person on that subject so let's leave it there!

Onceachunkymonkey · Today 09:01
Op, was this baby planned, the one you’re pregnant with?

This happened to me...planned baby too when he dumped me and ran off because she was pressuring him to do this

@Waffletots

Honestly - you have handled this remarkably well - I’m sorry you’re going through this but you should be proud of yourself and remember in the weeks to come how strong you are.

can we move past this for the sake of the children?

words fail. What, ‘this’ fact that you are a faithless, lying, uncaring POS? ‘This’ stealing time from your wife and your children so that you can get your end away elsewhere? If the children were so important to you, don’t you think you should’ve stayed at home with them and their mum? Jeez.

Something very similar happened to my friend when she was heaving pregnant. She found out from FB. That was 11 years ago and she’s doing amazing. It was hard with a toddler and baby . He moved a 4 hour drive a way to be with his mistress and she gave birth the following year. He’s now separated from the mistress and alternates weekends driving ridiculous miles to see kids from the 2 relationships whist friend has carved out a lovely life.

Can we get past this, for the children?

What an utter wanker he is 🙄

I've met some arrogant cunts in my lifetime but he's truly up there at the pinnacle of Cuntdom.

You're well rid my lovely, don't even raise an eyebrow in his direction.

Lawyer up hard and fast when you feel ready and give him something to remember you by.

I'm so sorry, @Waffletots.

I'm trying to imagine waking up one day in what I thought was a happy marriage and discovering that this is who my husband really was. And to find out in such a way, and at such a time.

It's spectacularly cruel. To progress with the pregnancy when he knew he was having an affair is a callous enough deception on its own. But his actions when caught give the strongest clue as to the real him: the mind games he's playing through his silence and later his cold, emotionally manipulative, unapologetic message. He actually sounds like a psychopath.

You poor woman. You must be in so much emotional pain right now.

Sending you heartfelt warm wishes, positivity and the goodwill of another internet stranger

It's better to get the torture over on your own terms. Just the idea of him asking that is so nauseating. Imagine if you did do that! Every time he went away on business or was an hour late you would be torturing yourself with doubt.
Been there - done that. The trust has been irrevocably broken and there is no way back from that.

Do it OP. You have mouths to feed. All vets are off now sweetheart. You and children come first

What a cock he is. So sorry you're going through this OP.

If I did reply I'd just say "you will be hearing from my solicitor." Nothing more.

WOWWW

Not even a sorry?! That’s wild. He must be some kind of narcissist, that is really abnormal behaviour!

Can we get past this, for the children?

Oh darling, of course we can get past this. You will be fully in our past once our divorce is finalised. Don't contact me again. My lawyer will be in touch.

Glad to see you're not deigning to respond to his one and only text. Fucking arsehole.

As another PP said, get lawyered up quick. He'll turn nasty when you don't do as he wants after he's attempted to re-write everything.

You seem remarkably calm, articulate and are thinking everything through.
i would suggest that u have as little to do with the OW as possible. I went through something similar. My husband’s OW was keen to hang him out to dry, whilst wanting to be seen as a victim. She also got a thrill from the devastating drama that she had a staring role in.
Your priority is to give birth, get through Christmas and put a smile on your face for your little one.
You seem to have a great family around you. Let him stew till the New Year!
Best of luck with everything. 💐

Does he seriously expect you to reply with Yes, let's move past this for the children.

I don't think I could not reply to him. I'd have to say something like.. because you've always been thinking about the children haven't you? Then F O!

I hope his cock falls off I really do.

He was not thinking of the children when he stuck his dick in someone else and hoped you would never find out.

She booted him out? - Wishful thinking! This is turning out how she planned when she messaged OP. But of course DH & OW thoroughly deserve each other & OP will come out of this healthy happy & loved by children, family & MN.

OP, I'm so sorry about winter 2024/5, but once you are through this, life will be so much better for you. I'm so pleased that you have a wonderful brother and parents.

I think his message sums it all up, I’ve been in a similar situation but post baby, I won’t go into it, this is not my post, but what he hated the most was silence, he hated that I wasn’t a mess and beginning him back x id try not to reply, this time is for you to process and digest and no conversation right now will go anywhere x you’ve acted remarkable given your situation and I admire your strength. X please feel free to reach out if u ever wanted to x

Can we get past this, for the children?

I’ve been following your thread and having been through something similar, your post has not shocked me up until now. I’m actually gobsmacked that he’s not even fake apologised or told you how much he loves you and regrets it all. Even just to try and make you feel better. He really is so self absorbed.

This 👆👏🏻 and I would also remind you of the well known MN adage that “
”no is a complete sentence “which you can deploy if you cba to type anything more than 2 characters to him in reply to his disrespectful message .
what a lowlife he is .

''Can we get past this for the children?''

He should have thought of that before shagging that OW.

It was all hunky dory for him until the OW forced a break up.

He would have doubtless carried on regardless had the OW not thrown a bomb into OP's life with her selfish texts.

It's strange how OW like to spill the beans to force a man's hand.

Do they not realise that if he cheats on his wife {and children} that he's hardly great partner material?- they don't seem to see it that way.

Well done op, stay strong

Not sure what possessed the OP to choose AIBU for this thread or her last one.