Page 20 | I know his secret… thread 2

Waffletots · 2024-12-09T08:43:04+00:00

Hi everyone I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1]] I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later. Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

Daleksatemyshed · 09/12/2024 18:29

How dare he,he knows he's burnt his bridges with you but he thinks talking about the DC will soften your heart. Your DC will be far better off with a DM who isn't spending her life looking over her shoulder waiting for him to cheat on her again. I don't use this word normally, but he really is a cunt Op, how dare he feel sorry for himself

Shootingstars999 · 09/12/2024 18:29

Sorry I made a mistake - I accidentally linked it with OiFatArse.

Xxxx

OnyourbarksGSG · 09/12/2024 18:29

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/12/2024 18:26

@SockFluffInTheBath I think the mistress did this as revenge because he hadn't left. Which makes her evil.

No more evil than the man that actually deceived her and led her down this path. The mistress didn’t make vows.

friendlycat · 09/12/2024 18:30

Gosh his single sentence message really is something else. It's utterly astonishing that he hasn't even had the decency to say anything other than that.

It's just mind blowing that you are so heavily pregnant and that's all he can say. I am so truly sorry for everything you are going through.

OVienna · 09/12/2024 18:30

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

It's not a surprise, @Waffletots .

What's ahead of him in terms of inconvenience and unpleasantness has just dawned on him.

He's not even pretending it's about your relationship.

I'm sorry if that seems really blunt but I'd think very carefully about that message. It's manipulative and a 'please don't make my life hard' request.

You are young and it sounds like your parents are also young enough to be helpful practically and emotionally. Your brother and sister are in a place where they can support you. You have maximum support now - if you went back to him and waited five to ten years - what would your support network look like then? This would be a big consideration for me.

Could you ever view him in the same way as before the OW's reach out?

Anotherworrier · 09/12/2024 18:30

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

What the actual fucking fuck. I’m so mad for you. I think I might hate him a bit. He’s disgusting.

Marmunia10667 · 09/12/2024 18:30

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Thursdaygirl · 09/12/2024 18:30

funny how he expects you to “get past this for the children” but he couldn’t remain faithful to you for the same reasons.

Quite.

recipientofraspberries · 09/12/2024 18:30

He didn’t act “for the children” when he had an affair; now YOU are expected to think of them when you’ve been betrayed and hurt?! The absolute audacity.

Tiedtoatwat · 09/12/2024 18:31

sandyhappypeople · 09/12/2024 18:08

To suggest she expend the tiniest little bit of her energy on concern on this waste of space of a male, is just ridiculous.

I haven't suggested she do that, I've suggested she offload that responsibility onto someone he knows, so she can concentrate on what she needs to do. So you aren't understanding what you are reading at all. I've offered a suggestion that she tell his parents or a close friend of his what has happened, so they can be responsible for him in case he may do something stupid, reason being, it is not OPs burden to bear right now, I don't give a shit about him or his mental health, he deserves everything he gets, I think that is where you are getting confused. but IMO OP shouldn't be the one burdened with it, that's for other people to pick up the pieces now, HIS family, HIS friends, and certainly not OP, but if he is too cowardly to tell them then I think OP should IMO.

You saying "She needs to concentrate on herself without giving that prick a second thought!" doesn't actually mean she can you know, or you should make her feel bad for not being able to do that straight away, everyone is different when it comes to trauma, there's no right or wrong answer to what you do or how you feel in the aftermath of it, it's all part of the healing process.

You don't seem to understand, so there's no point keep replying to me.

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I understand perfectly well and I don't need to be patronised. I won't be trying to unpick your posts again, because you're talking bollocks, but thank you for exonerating me 🙄

Original poster

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:31

FestiveFelines · 09/12/2024 18:25

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Don’t justify this with a response, he doesn’t deserve any.

I’m not going to reply, I could never be that person who stays for the sake of the children. They would pick up on the tension and we would all live walking on egg shells, I simply couldn’t lower myself to that.
i just wanted to say I really do appreciate all of you, you have truly given me the strength I needed to get through this and I am so grateful for so many caring and beautiful strangers x

OP posts:

2025willbemytime · 09/12/2024 18:31

You're not sorry @Marmunia10667

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/12/2024 18:31

@Waffletots “Can we get past this, for the children?” of course, if you did respond, I would hope it would be two words only! beginning with F and ending with F!! the cheeky shit that he is deserves not to be in any of your lives ever again! was he thinking of the children when he was off having sex with another woman who was not the mother of his children???

DoYouReally · 09/12/2024 18:32

You are far too good for him.

Everything you write is articulate, intelligent, reasonable and strong. Your children are lucky to have you.

He's a pathetic, dim, weak man - not just his actions but his text too.

Thursdaygirl · 09/12/2024 18:32

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If you can’t support the OP, then find another thread please.

Rhaidimiddim · 09/12/2024 18:32

virgocatlover · 09/12/2024 18:17

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

What an arsehole.

This, 1000%

"For the sake if the chikdren" is scumbagspeak for "so's I don't get my life turned upside-down".

Don't let him guilt you with the chikdren - they are better off without someone like him messing their childhood up. (I speak from experience.)

sandyhappypeople · 09/12/2024 18:32

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

He must feel completely justified in his own mind of what he has done to even dare to open with this line.. not even a simple "I'm sorry", that would have been infinitely better.

Maybe he's been to the gregg Wallace school of apologising.

Thatwouldbeme · 09/12/2024 18:33

My heartbreaks for you, I'm so disappointed for you as what should be a wonderful time your piece of shit husband as ruined. You come across as a strong woman with a loving family who I hope you will lean on for support to help you through this.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 09/12/2024 18:33

Not a "please" or a "sorry".

Cunt.

R053 · 09/12/2024 18:33

@Waffletots what a despicable message from your DH. The tone is so non apologetic and designed to hook into the guilt women often feel.

Unfortunately, you are getting to know a side of him you didn’t know existed.

So happy you have a supportive family. Please look after yourself as you get closer to the birth of your baby.

Beaverbridge · 09/12/2024 18:33

Oh yes my darling of course we can put it behind us. What would you like for dinner, a special steak with your favourite wine??. He should get himself fired to fuck, I'm so angry on your behalf. He needs to taste leather. On another note your family are superb, I'm so happy you have great support. Disregard the twat, let him wonder your next move, he's shitting himself.

MintShaker · 09/12/2024 18:33

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:27

@YourArtfulPearlFinch I am all for people taking accountability in the right situation…. However, you are the reason women blame themselves for a man’s actions. If you want to stick your dick in another woman at least have the decency / balls to finish with said partner first, there is absolutely NOTHING that myself, or any other partner who has been cheated on did “wrong” that could warrant this disgusting behaviour. And if you think there is, I suggest this is a you problem. Some of us are decent human beings who care about the damage our words and actions can have, evidently you are not one of these people.

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Well said. You've got enough on your plate without idiots like this one. Perhaps you should introduce her to he who does not deserve to be named!

Tiedtoatwat · 09/12/2024 18:33

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

There's only one reply, "how?" Two actually, second being "no".

Self-centred prick!

I'm glad you're getting family on board now xx

Original poster

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:34

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I really don’t understand this comment at all, of course I have my support available… they’re my family?

OP posts:

cjcghana · 09/12/2024 18:35

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Pathetic