Page 19 | I know his secret… thread 2

Waffletots · 2024-12-09T08:43:04+00:00

Hi everyone I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1]] I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later. Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/12/2024 18:23

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

The mistress isn’t having him at hers then. Life’s a bitch.

LadyLindaT · 09/12/2024 18:23

This thread is moving so fast that I can't quite be sure to have kept up with it.
I have been in a similar situation, and I still despise him for his pathetic selfishness.
He wasn't "thinking of the children!", was he, whilst he was cheating on you and wrecking a family?

LoveIndubitably · 09/12/2024 18:23

What's wrong with him? Seriously, he's not acting like a human being. "Can we get past this", oh yeah sure, now you mention it, it's no biggie after all?!

MsDogLady · 09/12/2024 18:24

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 09:51

Thank you, I’m very lucky! My brother was very angry but handled it beautifully, he told me he just handed him the bag and calmly said “I think you need to get back in your car and drive away” I hoped he wouldn’t loose his temper as that would just escalate the situation and I don’t want to give my husband anything to use against my family if it ever comes to it. I’m sure the anger will come for me too but right now I’m just trying to remember that this precious baby in my stomach can feel everything I can

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Sending more positive thoughts from the US. You are truly an inspiration, @Waffletots, and your champions stretch far and wide.

This corrupt con artist thought he was so clever, but Karma zapped him as he was confronted with his & OW’s sordid, damning words that you had forwarded. The havoc he wreaked for a year had come back to bite him. The word was out: He, with OW’s help, had harmed his pregnant Wife and destroyed his marriage and family.

I had wondered what was said between your DB and H. Brother handled it so well and refused to allow him to go in and serve you more of his shit sandwiches. H slithered away like the slimy snake he is. He will have to live forever with what he defiled and threw away.

One thing is certain, @Waffletots. You and the children are going to prevail and thrive.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/12/2024 18:24

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Fucking wow! Excuse my language. How dare he! I'd ignore that, remember what I said about grey rock, this is where you start. He wasn't thinking about the children when he was shagging her. The only positive in that is that he's clearly not intending to carry on with her and I hope she has a bloody rotten Christmas knowing she's destroyed a family. Horrible cow.

Anyway, onto the practicalities. I am so glad you've got lots of support and all the things you need to do will come together. For now, eat a little, keep hydrated and try and get some sleep tonight. Sleep makes everything feel a little better doesn't it? You are a strong woman and you've got this ❤️💐

RosieFlamingo · 09/12/2024 18:24

I am so sorry you are going through this, you and your family are dealing with it so well, in a dignified way.
I really don't know how you would even start to message him back. What a shithead.
Big hugs.

Katbum · 09/12/2024 18:24

My God. What a dick. Does he think it would be good ‘for the children’ for you to reconcile with someone who you will never trust again, and live your life on eggshells until (because it will happen again) the next time he lets you down. I mean if it’s a one off, drunken, idiotic thing and they confess straight away there is a sliver of a chance one could get past it - but this man has betrayed you for a year, spent your family funds and time that belonged to you and his child on someone else. How can anyone ‘get past’ that? The absolute balls of the guy.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 09/12/2024 18:25

Good lord, OP, fuck him and the horse he rode in on. Can we get past this?!?! I have rarely been this angry on behalf of someone else.

WearyAuldWumman · 09/12/2024 18:25

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Very pleased at the support you're getting. Maybe your dad can take you to see a solicitor and the bank tomorrow?
"...get past this..." What?! "...for the sake of the children". The unmitigated gall.

Molewoman · 09/12/2024 18:25

About your joint account, @Waffletots : no need to take all the money out of it. Just change what goes in, immediately. If you have a standing order to it from your sole account, cancel the SO. If any payments destined for you go straight to the joint a/c from other sources, send those sources your sole a/c details and ask them to delete the joint account details from their records.

You are handling this brilliantly! I'm so glad you have such an awesome family too. 👏 Lots of sympathy, and btw, your 3year old will remember very little about their useless dad if all the rest of you adults continue to behave like the exemplary grownups you evidently are.

Thursdaygirl · 09/12/2024 18:25

I hope you’re not going to reply, OP

blueshoes · 09/12/2024 18:25

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

So he is not sorry then. What a prick.

FestiveFelines · 09/12/2024 18:25

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Don’t justify this with a response, he doesn’t deserve any.

Washingupdone · 09/12/2024 18:25

Sending you hugs.
Look after yourself and get some rest.

HashTagLil · 09/12/2024 18:25

virgocatlover · 09/12/2024 18:17

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

What an arsehole.

Not even an apology for what he’s done? For the sake of the children, maybe he should have kept his dick in his trousers.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/12/2024 18:26

@SockFluffInTheBath I think the mistress did this as revenge because he hadn't left. Which makes her evil.

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/12/2024 18:26

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/12/2024 18:26

@SockFluffInTheBath I think the mistress did this as revenge because he hadn't left. Which makes her evil.

Quite possibly, but she’d have nothing to be evil about if the man had kept it in his pants.

Shootingstars999 · 09/12/2024 18:27

OiFatArse · 09/12/2024 08:47

I followed your last thread but didn't comment, I do hope you are doing ok considering the circumstances. He doesn't deserve you or his children. You're doing so well x

I have been thinking of you today at work.
It’s his loss.

Best wishes and be kind to yourself x

WearyAuldWumman · 09/12/2024 18:27

MissMoneyFairy · 09/12/2024 18:19

Great to hear from you. She's booted him out and now he's got no one. Stay strong. For the children? That's emotional blackmail.

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I'm hoping that he's staying in the scummiest hotel room possible.

No attempt to apologise. He's going straight to emotional blackmail as you say. Also, cynical use of "we".

Original poster

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:27

Sortalike · 09/12/2024 18:22

Yes, you are quite right 🙄

For goodness sake, the OP is going through quite enough without you deciding she's as bad as her feckless husband.

If you can't offer constructive advice then the door is that way ➡️➡️➡️

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@YourArtfulPearlFinch I am all for people taking accountability in the right situation…. However, you are the reason women blame themselves for a man’s actions. If you want to stick your dick in another woman at least have the decency / balls to finish with said partner first, there is absolutely NOTHING that myself, or any other partner who has been cheated on did “wrong” that could warrant this disgusting behaviour. And if you think there is, I suggest this is a you problem. Some of us are decent human beings who care about the damage our words and actions can have, evidently you are not one of these people.

OP posts:

Tiedtoatwat · 09/12/2024 18:28

Chrissie377 · 09/12/2024 18:01

Don't think so. It clearly says on the first thread if you read.

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Rubbish.

PaulaBrighton · 09/12/2024 18:28

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

I would reply that any further messages are sent via his solicitor and block the c**t.

OnyourbarksGSG · 09/12/2024 18:28

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

You are being amazingly strong.

funny how he expects you to “get past this for the children” but he couldn’t remain faithful to you for the same reasons.

absolute scum bag.

2025willbemytime · 09/12/2024 18:28

Get past it for the children he hasn't cared enough about for the past year, the children he hasn't cared enough about to ask after and how he still hasn't asked about.

I hope you sent no reply.

LongDarkTeatime · 09/12/2024 18:29

De-lurking to offer support and admiration for how you are managing this while still prioritising your kids’ needs. You are amazing. I hope you manage some rest tonight x

Also have to comment on his message
“Can we get past this, for the children?”
Was that it? Is he for real?! No grovelling apologies?!
Did he really just put you both in the same betrayed position then use emotional blackmail of the kids to try and get you to be sympathetic?